To want to do my own shopping

[HerefromEden]

Going on holiday to a self catering cottage with DP, kids and parents of DP

The plan was always that we would organise the food shopping between us and I’ve been telling DP we need to go over what we want all week.

He also knows that I am following a strict diet. I have been really miserable and self conscious about my weight since having our last baby (now 14 months) I am still 2st over my usual weight and honestly think it’s making me a bit depressed. After our other children I went back to my usual weight with little effort.

today he announces his parents have organised all the meals & done the shopping.

I say I appreciate they are trying to be helpful but he says I’m being ungrateful and that I can just take my own food and have something else. my Opinion is that this might look upright/difficult/ungrateful.

I don’t want to upset anyone but I haven’t long started out on my weight loss so don’t want to go backwards before I’ve even really got going.

also, it would have been nice for us to cook for them too

I just feel like we should have done what we said we would do originally

am I being a miserable cow?

Why would these lovely, thoughtful people who you love like your own parents be upset by you having a salad when they have pizza because you're trying to lose weight?

No its not fussy. Have you ever been on a diet? Do you understand that when someone forgets about their diet for a weeks holiday it's sometimes near impossible to get back on it when home. If someone wants to keep up with how well they are doing whilst away that's not fussy, it's dedication to their diet.

I'm with you OP. While I think it's lovely of them to sort it, this would be tricky for me too as a veggie who hates meat replacement products! I'd like to have a say in the menu or know to take my own food. Can you message you MIL and ask what's on the menu for a week and then work out whether the meals can be adapted for your diet. Eg. Take some sweet potatoes, wholegrain rice, loads of salad etc. Be honest and say that you are dieting.

When do you go? Maybe they started to worry that the shopping wasn't getting done. They sound thoughtful to me.

Can't you ask mil what meals she's bought so you can decide which meals you can join in with and which ones you'll need an alternative for?

But really, best option is a smaller portion of the same food.

Since they have already done the shopping and you can't turn back time I would just focus on strategies to stick to your diet as best as possible rather than dwelling on the fact you would have preferred to do the shopping yourself

If there are specific healthy ingredients that you feel you need to stick to your diet just buy them and take them with you

You can still offer to cook and help with the catering even if they have done the shopping

If there are certain meals planned which you feel you can't eat or adapt then just be honest and say "that looks lovely PIL but I'm just going to have a salad tonight as I'm trying to lose the baby weight"

As long as you don't make a song and dance about it them I'm sure you won't offend anyone and they will understand

I would cut yourself a bit of slack while you're on holiday. I've successfully lost weight by calorie counting, but what it essentially boiled down to was smaller portions and cutting out the snacks, drinking less alcohol (the latter helping with the former!)

Can you do that, just eat smaller portions of what they cook, be mindful of your snacking and be a bit more active for a week? You can probably be more in control of your breakfast and lunch?

I know it's hard to let go when you are trying so hard to lose weight, but you can't be on a strict diet for ever! Maybe look at this as a practice for maintaining?

Start your diet when you get back.

Did you expect the meals to be adjusted to fit your diet ?

Surely it would be easier for you to take food that suits you rather than change everyone's meals. What suits you won't appeal to everyone.

Can you just have smaller portions of the meals MiL has shopped for and buy extra fruit for snacks/ desserts etc?
Maybe take a box of low sugar cereal to have with Greek yogurt instead of croissants for breakfast for example
I wouldn't make a big deal of it, as it's very kind of MiL, so I'd just relax and make up for any less healthy options by cutting calories right down after your holiday

You aren’t being unreasonable but these things happen. Ask what they’ve bought and then bring any extras you need to eat the way you want.

The OP has said she wants to stick to her eating plan, the fact that MIL is being ‘kind’ doesn’t negate her right to do that.

Far too many women go through through life endlessly worrying about being kind and not upsetting people. It’s perfectly possible to be polite and assertive about what you want.

The OP also says that she didn’t expected the others to eat her diet food so I still don’t see the issue as she would be eating separately anyway.

It’s a holiday, people can eat what they want which means they can eat their diet food or an excess amount of calories. It’s supposed to be a time to enjoy the venue and company, as well as the food. To enjoy the food it needs to be what they all want to eat and clearly, on this occasion, they want to eat different things so it’s fine that they do exactly that.

Your OP said that DH said “that I can just take my own food and have something else.”

Which is it?!

I mean I fundamentally disagree with the notion of ‘strict diets’ for weight loss in part for this reason. It’s not sustainable.
If you want to lose weight and actually be able to maintain it you need to be able to be flexible and make healthy choices on the spot.
It’s entirely possible to eat food someone else had planned and still maintain a lower weight or weight loss. It’s about knowing reasonable portions, understanding where calories come from, how much a sauce is adding, having a lighter lunch to account for a bigger dinner and vice versa.

Tricky situation.

@Sissynova

But I can’t imagine ‘dieting’ while on holiday.

Having struggled with my weight for decades, I now have a way of eating that works for me. I feel great when eating low carb, high fat, eating loads of leafy green veg with lovely dressings and some meat too.

It is absolutely sustainable long term.

I can't imagine eating in a way that doesn't give me that glow, and whether I have to spell out to others that I am watching my weight. Especially on holiday, I want to eat the kind of food I like and not have to make any compromises.

Low carb high fat works really well in restaurants when there is plenty of veg and salad to bulk out my portions. It's entirely possible that no-one would even notice that I am low carbing.

I prefer to be private about my good choices. It's nobody's business but my own.

It's tedious to have to explain what adjustments i need. It's a bit of a disaster if the planned meals are high carb based in pizza, pasta, fish in batter and chips, I really won't feel well and will definitely diminish my pleasure in the holiday.

Apart from anything else, I don't like being bounced into arrangements in which I have had no say. If I had been asked was I happy for PiL to do the catering it would be a completely different situation to finding out that something I was expected to have a say in, have been organised without me.

That wouldn't work for me.

And I agree with PP who have pointed out that it's 'DP' not being supportive at all that is the real problem here.

@FinallyHere you sound like hard work

Well it’s a “take your own food and have something else but if it were me I’d think it was rude”

today he announces his parents have organised all the meals & done the shopping.

Where did he announce it.
It must have been on a local news channel. I didn’t hear it and I have the radio on permanently.

Contact MIL and explain to her directly

I'd just take some of my own food and if I need to use it, I'd use it.

I'm a vegetarian so I take my own food anyway. I don't give a shit what other people think about it.

I agree that you explain to your MIL that you are on a diet and will be bringing some food with you. I'm dieting and eating differently to people around me. It's either that or I'd only be eating tiny portions and be hungry.

@Sissynova that depends on if the in-laws are fried breakfast, carb heavy, pudding types. I'm 5"2' there's certain food I just can't calorie count in. I need plenty of protein, mainly cooked chicken in a picnic, pork pies/sausage rolls etc are out. It's sustainable to not want to eat certain foods.

As well as being hungry, I'd be nutritionally deficienct. So I don't think that it's rude.

I've just started slimming world and have found it really easy to tweak most meals into something SW friendly without too much hassle.
I can't see any harm in just making sure you have a few alternatives with you - for example, I've not been having bread so when we've had a bbq I've had the meat with salad and made some sweet potato chips to go with it.
If you're mindful of it for the week, I don't think you'll go too far wrong with your diet plans and also you're on holiday so don't fret too much about it.

I know where you're coming from, Ive found it really hard to lose baby weight this time so I honestly get that you're in the mindset now so want to stick with it but it will be fine.x

Well you have two choices

1. bring your own stuff - this is totally reasonable and not being fussy or ungrateful if it doesn't match what others are eating or

2. ditch the diet for the holiday and enjoy being cooked for.

I know which one I'd do, but either are totalyl fine choices.

It's been 14 months and you're still 2 stone over weight so one week of eating different food isn't going to do any harm. Just eat sensible size portions and stop being do petty.

I rarely vote YABU bit in this case I agree with your husband.