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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It’s a Schofield question - don’t click if you’re fed up with it!

259 replies

Schofe99 · 03/06/2023 09:18

I know there are lots of other threads. I haven’t found anyone asking/thinking what I am.

I watched the interview. The way he softened when mentioning the young man and emphasised several times that he’s the one he’s most concerned about.

Was it just me thinking WHAT ABOUT YOUR WIFE??? When Amol asked why it was wrong/what he regretted, I assumed he’d say “well, mainly I was unfaithful to my wife. That was wrong. Im so sorry about that.”

And when he was asked about other gay experiences/relationships he shut that down. Which left me thinking, again, WHAT ABOUT BEING UNFAITHFUL TO YOUR WIFE!!!

He’s talked about “us four” before and mentioned it again in the interview. But it’s not ok for him to have all the cosiness and support of a family unit when he’s being unfaithful, surely?

So my AIBU is am I the only one who is seeing this mainly through the eyes of his wife who is watching her husbands infidelity playing out in public? Maybe they’re not sexually intimate and haven’t been for years. But they’re clearly emotionally intimate, spend a lot of time together etc. How UTTERLY GRIM if she didn’t know that her husband was shagging young men. (I really don’t think she did know - I believe him when he says he lied to her).

OP posts:
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LifeIsPainHighness · 03/06/2023 13:29

VanGoghsDog · 03/06/2023 12:24

I actually think it's the opposite of homophobia.

I think if the runner had been a female child, then young woman, it would have been noticed and stopped a lot earlier. And there would be more outrage.
I think young gay men are overly sexualized and seen as far less vulnerable in some ways than girls are.

The runner was not a child when he worked for ITV. HTH.

HadEnoughOfBears · 03/06/2023 13:31

Gtsr443 · 03/06/2023 10:13

Some women are happy to be beards.
And yes all my gay friends have had loads of married sexual partners.

Absolutely this.

And the number of male celebrities who end up 'married' to their PAs or managers is not a coincidence.

QuirkyUsername · 03/06/2023 13:33

Because she already knew he was gay, already knew he had relationships with men, it was an open marriage. The problem here was, he kept this one quiet because he knew it looked bad.

dayswithaY · 03/06/2023 13:41

I hated it when he said “my girls saved my life” talking about his daughters who have been on suicide watch with him. I thought, they are the children, you’re the parent, who is looking out for them and their feelings?

Plus, how does his wife feel when his daughters rush to his side after his totally manipulative “do you want me to die” dramatics. They might feel loyalty to their Mum but he’s now made himself the star of the show, leaving her sidelined.

All I thought was what an actor, what a master manipulator. All this hurt happens and he’s the one he is still the most concerned about.

What will I do with my life if I’m not on TV? Retire with your big pile of cash and go and do some good in the world, look beyond your monstrous ego.

Aquarius1234 · 03/06/2023 13:46

Yes I assumed she's known for years. And they were happy being friends.

CustardySergeant · 03/06/2023 13:50

742EvergreenTerrace "Loads of loads of celebrities have had affairs. Loads and loads of celebrities have have affairs with people they shouldn’t have, Morgan freeman marrying his step grandchild and woody Allen marrying his step daughter."

I hadn't heard about "Morgan Freeman marrying his step grandchild" and can find nothing about it when Googling. What is your source?

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 03/06/2023 13:52

CustardySergeant · 03/06/2023 13:50

742EvergreenTerrace "Loads of loads of celebrities have had affairs. Loads and loads of celebrities have have affairs with people they shouldn’t have, Morgan freeman marrying his step grandchild and woody Allen marrying his step daughter."

I hadn't heard about "Morgan Freeman marrying his step grandchild" and can find nothing about it when Googling. What is your source?

They didn't get married but they had a relationship.

https://nypost.com/2018/04/20/morgan-freeman-had-affair-with-step-granddaughter-alleged-murderer/

Morgan Freeman had affair with step-granddaughter: alleged murderer

Before she was murdered, Morgan Freeman’s step-granddaughter told her boyfriend-turned-killer that the actor had been secretly sleeping with her — confirming years-old claims about the illici…

https://nypost.com/2018/04/20/morgan-freeman-had-affair-with-step-granddaughter-alleged-murderer

Canthave2manycats · 03/06/2023 13:54

DitherDother · 03/06/2023 13:09

Presumably he will have been paid handsomley for the BBC interview, a last ditch attempt to make some money, otherwise surely better just to keep quiet?

He's made an entire career out of showing "sincere" interest in people he couldn't care less about so it's hardly surprising he made a decent attempt at this one.

If that's the case - it's not like he's short of a bob or two?

That interview, for me, was the last straw.

DitherDother · 03/06/2023 13:59

Canthave2manycats · 03/06/2023 13:54

If that's the case - it's not like he's short of a bob or two?

That interview, for me, was the last straw.

I don't know if he'll have been paid, but otherwise why would he do it? Haven't we seen enough of these car crashes to know they never improve matters? You'd think his PR would be advising against, even if he was narcissist enough to think it would solve everything.

the80sweregreat · 03/06/2023 14:01

I don't watch TM , not since the Richard and Judy days , so had no idea how much he was respected. If he wasn't , then Fern deserved an Oscar for that performance in the clip below and yes, his wife's face at the end !
To think Fern was ousted :(
Must have hurt a lot

UnctuousUnicorns · 03/06/2023 14:06

UnexpectedCircumstances · 03/06/2023 13:18

If you watch his 25th Anniversary Surprise, filmed in 2007:

At the end (skip to 12:14) when they are wrapping up and and he says "who'd have thought I'd have spent it here with the people I love the most", watch his wife's facial expression!

That was more than 15 years ago! I suspect she knew...

😬

snazzlealpaca · 03/06/2023 14:08

To add another perspective - my Dad was gay, he and my Mum remained married until he died. He was born 20 years before Philip Schofield, but they were both they were both born when gay sex was illegal. Even after the 1967 Sexual Offences act, there were many men who were prosecuted for gay sexual offences. So they grew up in a climate where being gay was seen (by the majority of society) as wrong, at the very least something to be avoided and hidden away.

I'm fairly sure that both my parents knew that Dad was gay (or at least bisexual) before they married, but they loved each other and wanted to build a happy family life together, which they did, at least for a while.

My Dad went out and sometimes away on holiday without my Mum, but this didn't seem particularly odd. Their marriage had low points, particularly once I was in my teens, and my Dad had a very close male friend, and they almost split up a number of times, but the reasons why were never acknowledged. This carried on until my Dad suffered from dementia, meaning his behaviour changed, and my Mum had had enough - she didn't want to look after him and overall the marriage wasn't working for her. That was the only time that it was ever mentioned that my Dad was gay, as I think my Mum didn't want people to think badly of her, dropping her ill husband, so felt it justified her actions. I refused to discuss this with her, I've never wanted to hear the details of my parents' relationship, rightly or wrongly.

I was certainly brought up to be completely open minded about people's sexuality and indeed whatever choices other people make. I supported my Mum's choice to end their relationship, and their joint choice to remain married but living separately. My Mum was devasted when Dad died, she mourned for him as anyone would whose partner since their teens had gone. She inherited his pension, which is only right, as her career suffered, whilst his thrived, during the years when my Mum was looking after young children.

What point am I trying to make? I guess that we shouldn't judge PS and his wife for their decisions, which they made in a very different climate to today. I'm sure that had my Dad been born 60 years later, he would have been happily gay, probably with a long term male partner. But he and PS both made different choices that worked for them, and for their wives, at least to a certain extent. They had good reasons for not publicising their sexuality, and people should try to understand them.

NB not excusing the grooming aspect of the PS story, but aside from that, I feel a parallel.

QueenieMe · 03/06/2023 14:10

Why would he paying for lawyers for MM if this was just an affair at work?

He's paying for a lawyer to protect MM from the press intrusion. MM and his family have already complained to IPSO about reporters harassing them and still the papers won't leave them alone, doorstepping anyone who knows him and the pub where he now works. Poor man is being hounded.

GloriousintheArctic · 03/06/2023 14:11

Schofe99 · 03/06/2023 13:03

Ok. So lots of you have said his wife must have known/been ok with him having sex with men. So why is this man different? Is it the grooming/age? Or maybe she really didn’t think he was unfaithful? Or was PS not truthful when he alluded to his wife being unhappy about the MM revelation?

I would assume it's because (a) Phil lied to her and insisted the rumours were not true and (b) because MM was 20 - and he also worked for Phil so there are abuse of power issues. (A lot of assumptions but that is my guess.)

I do believe he lied to Holly and others, whether they should have believed him is another issue. Steph was more sheltered from the truth because she was not in that workplace so presumably just heard third-hand rumours which would have been easy to dismiss.

Doggymummar · 03/06/2023 14:20

My male cousin has been with a lesbian for over 30 years, we don't know who they think they are kidding, but that's up to them. They live together, have separate rooms holiday together and separately and seem really to get on well. One of the longer lasting marriages in our family. I just wish they felt able to say something but it's private.

Matrons · 03/06/2023 14:20

I think his wife knew. He is gay man and needs a male sexual partner.

Only concern is abuse of power as younger man working in same company

Coverage is homophobic in my opinion

Gardengirl108 · 03/06/2023 14:21

Maybe his wife knew about other men but he lied to her about this particular man? No one knows what goes on in other people’s marriages/relationships.

Theladyinluna · 03/06/2023 14:25

One of my main thoughts was that he didn’t seem to acknowledge the power differential and abuse of power that came with that. The young man started as a fan he met, wanted a career in the media which PS was aiding. All of these things put pressure on the young man to be receptive to advances, especially in the work place! That’s why this situation should never arise.

LifeIsPainHighness · 03/06/2023 14:26

742EvergreenTerrace · 03/06/2023 12:36

Loads of loads of celebrities have had affairs. Loads and loads of celebrities have have affairs with people they shouldn’t have, Morgan freeman marrying his step grandchild and woody Allen marrying his step daughter. None of those men came out with a grovelling interview on a red top nor the BBC, about they’ll never have a job again, suicidal etc

whats really going on? Something illegal I think.

Morgan Freeman?! Whaaaaat! I never knew that.

Not to mention Roman Polanski having celebs sign a petition to release him after he was a CONVICTED pedophile who fled his prison sentence.

LifeIsPainHighness · 03/06/2023 14:27

ChristmasFluff · 03/06/2023 12:39

With his wife - if you decide to remain married to a gay man, then you are choosing to be married to a gay man. Granted, she didn't know he was grooming this lad, but would it really have been much different for her if he'd been meeting any 20 year old for sex? Or any other man for sex? Or did she really think he'd chosen a celibate life? She's lying in the bed she made for herself, and I suspect she knew exactly what she was getting when she chose to keep on getting it.

They are probably great friends, and I'm not convinced she will see this as reason enough to change the arrangement.

Exactly and she’s have the money to leave and set up a new life - she’s stayed for a reason.

Bluebells1970 · 03/06/2023 14:30

I see his wife as just as much as victim as the young men that he's used over the years. He's a despicable person and I'm glad he's been outed at last - this has all been over the internet for years. And I hope that the young man has got a lot of support around him - PS has admitted to paying for his legal bills, and I'm very scared that he's got a huge amount of influence over him still.

It's himI feel most worried for, certainly not PS. He's a narcissist through and through.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 03/06/2023 14:36

I think that it is up to his wife to feel cheated/hurt/betrayed. Not for people to feel that on her behalf. People's marriages are no one else's business.
I think the tabloids have decided this is the story and they can sell papers/clicks of the back of it. All the more because of his brothers actions.
Would there have been outrage if it had been a 20 year old woman? I doubt it.

RichardsGear · 03/06/2023 14:37

MrTiddlesTheCat · 03/06/2023 11:30

I thought he ott concern for the young man was a carefully constructed damage limitation exercise. Because I expect that his biggest fear is the young man will speak out and he's groomed him not to do that.

Of course it is! He's hardly going to be dismissive/scathing/critical of him for fear of provoking a furious reaction in the form of a tell-all interview.

Frogmila · 03/06/2023 14:39

I'm not reading the full thread, sorry, but whatever's happened maybe he has agreed to keep his wife out of interviews, social media, other PR as far as possible.

Whether she knew he was gay and they'd both agreed to a family and a private life, or she had no idea and it was all a huge betrayal, I can very well imagine not wanting to be dragged into it again publicly every 5 mins and presumably having follow up media interest every time. Could just be him respecting that.

ClareBlue · 03/06/2023 14:41

The one that got me was 'I've lost everything' as his supportive daughters and family stand by. Millions in the bank and secure housing and basically at retirement age after very well paid career.
That really is far from loosing everything. His career is finished. That's not everything for most of us.