To stay classy or tell his family he’s a cheater?

[breezinthrough]

You know you’ve been scorned when your awake at 4am with endless scenarios going around your head.

Basically, me and DP were engaged, had a baby, i became resentful of him when he just failed to be sharing the parental responsibilities that I thought he would step up to. Many arguments were had.

One, two, skip a few, we ended up breaking up about 2 months ago. Baby was 8 months old. DP went extremely cold on me, didn’t want to work things out, tried therapy briefly, he didn’t want to continue trying. No compassion when moving out, just basically felt like I meant nothing to him anymore.

About two months before we broke up, a girl started working for him and his family. About a month in, I started getting this gut feeling that DP was into her. I’ve never had this feeling with him ever before, I was always his number 1, I never felt threatened by anyone or felt his eyes wandering or anything. You know when something just doesn’t sit right with you?!

So I’ve just found out, because I asked EX DP directly if there was/is anything going on between the two of them. And low and behold- there is.

So here’s my question~ do I stay classy, be the bigger person, say nothing.

OR

text into his family watsapp group either “accidentally on purpose” about it (like as if the message was for just him hehe) or just basically say something along the lines of “now I know why he was able to leave our little family so easily seeing as X was in the picture” / “am I the last to know about X and Y?”

I think the majority of here will say leave it but if you are a petty bitch like me lemme know what you’d say!

YABU- say nothing.stay classy girl
YANBU - be petty, let his parents see what a dirt bag he is

When my husband was unfaithful and a twat I spent a lot of time imagining texts I would put in the family group to this effect. Especially when they had no idea and were asking if I was coming to certain events etc “No, as sadly X..”
But I never sent. I’m glad I didn’t, though I did inform his mum when she was pestering me.
Just draft them endless times, as bitter and mad as you want. If I needed to let off steam I’d send an angry one to him but keep them out of it I reckon.

I can’t answer your question for you OP but I am in a similar position in that ex split with me (we also have young DC) and went very cold and distant etc etc, I suspected cheating and he denied it and gaslit me terribly for months, had everyone believing I was just trying to trash him, I recently saw him with OW and I know it was going on before we split up due to reasons I won’t go into, incredibly he’s still denying cheating and otherwise hasn’t acknowledged it at all and his DM basically said I had no proof (I saw them with my own eyes and I know who she is) so in my own experience, he will probably still deny everything as won’t want to look like the bad guy and his family will no doubt back him up. I don’t regret telling his family (I did do it in a mature, reasoned fashion) but ultimately I still didn’t get the honestly and apology I wanted.

@Iwasrightallalong sorry that you went though that too. Yes I was gaslighted for months too. His mum thinks the sun shines out of his ass so I think it would go down the very same as your situation.

I’ve decided not to be a petty Betty (lol). People will see what’s going on with their own eyes when they see them in public together and people will put two and two together- when she came on the scene..when I left the scene..

I’ll stay classy and keep my dignity. Thanks everyone x

This.

It's hard not to want to show them what a shit he is but it just opens up the space for them not to take your side which just adds to your hurt. I don't speak to one of my brothers as he cheated on and gas lighted his ex wife but I gather this is unusual as most families will just turn a blind eye, blood is thicker than water. Also if they raised him it's hard for them to see that he is wrong as might involve them having to look at what a monster he is

Bringing it up if you have an honest and supportive in laws - fine.

Bringing it up in a WhatsApp to the whole family - you will be written off as nuts, and they won't be entirely incorrect.

Which isn't to say that you don't have a reason to be a bit nutty at the moment, but it doesn't make bad ideas good.

I would stay classy and remember that this is your child’s family and possibly also a future stepmother. Regardless of what he has done, and I imagine he will say the relationship was over based on the arguments you say you were having, he just stepped out of one relationship into another, and the overwhelming likelihood is that his family will support him and believe him over you - especially since nobody will believe you accidentally posted a message revealing all to the whole group and one bluntly telling them will just look spiteful.

I’m sorry, it’s a horrible situation to be in.

I did it but now know I just made a dick of myself. I got one reply from his sister saying "Sorry you're hurting but I can't get involved." That was it.

Decades later and two of my brothers exes have done the same to him. The first is the mother of my niece so I replied "Sorry you're hurting but I can't get involved" 😅. The second one I just ignored the message and then removed her from my social media a couple of weeks later. We all welcomed in his new girlfriends, he's my brother, it's his life, my loyalties lie with him.

Don't do it!

If my brother cheated on his wife and left his kids I'd kick his arse.

"If my brother cheated on his wife and left his kids I'd kick his arse."

That's nice. So did I. More than once.

It's got absolutely fuck all to do with me not wanting to get into talking about him to his ex.

Protect yourself first & foremost. They’ll not thank you for a big reveal. You’ll be the baddie

About two months before we broke up, a girl started working for him and his family.

It’s quite likely his family already guessed/knew anyway if they work with her, so it probably wouldn’t give you the outcome you’re hoping for.

You have a kid together, best to let that go. You will always have ties to him and his family. Most probably his family knows, but they are his family so they will be on his side or neutral at best.