To worry about my baby being born with my skin tone

[aw9870]

Now let me start by saying this is purely coming from a good place, I have the upmost love for my unborn child (I am currently pregnant) and just don't want them to suffer how I did 😢

I have Irish skin and am deathly pale, I have never had a tan in my life, believe me I've tried! But I just burn or stay deathly white. I was horribly bullied as a child/teenager, always referred to as hideously ugly etc, I have redhead pale skin but with natural jet black hair instead! My father is Irish and my mother is peruvian , I never knew my father or his family so was raised in a Latin household and because of my Latin roots really struggled with the Latina identity because my mother is fairly pale but lots of family is all fairly olive skinned etc and I just do not look like my family, I got my dads Irish skin.

My partner is black mixed race, his father is mixed race and mother black so he is 1/4 white 3/4 black. I am so worried that our child will take after my deathly pale Irish skin and not be able to tan at all and therefore will be bullied like I was and to make it worse for them they will struggle with their identity of being mixed race because half their family is mostly black and they can't even tan one bit and will be completely white passing. I have friends that are mixed race who are white passing that struggle with their identity as they were deemed 'too white to be black/mixed race' but they can still tan and tan very well in fact! But I am just so worried our child will follow suit with my skin and resent me for it the way I resent my paleness.

It's not just the appearance it's hindered me from travelling etc and always having people ask me if I'm feeling okay because I look so unwell without fake tan, I just want my children to be able to enjoy the outdoors and sunshine and not burn within 2 minutes. I have no siblings and my partners siblings children are all mixed race with deep skin tones so I don't want them to feel alien the way I did to my family.

AIBU to be so concerned over this, I just don't want my child to suffer and be bullied like I was 😢

I think your colouring sounds beautiful and I’m sorry you suffered so badly with bullying. I think you might benefit from a bit of counselling actually. I’m Scottish and people with red hair and pale skin suffer from bullying here which makes me sad for them.

it’s very unlikely your baby will have such pale skin given your partner is mixed race. I think people are much more accepting of difference these days anyway.

Please try not to worry. Are there other things you’re worrying about that are making your overly focus on this do you think?

We are irish- my husband gets tan on his face and arms as they are exposed but his chest area is very very pale. we were on hols in italy 3 yrs ago and the entertainer at the pool kept picking him out and joking at his paleness The place was full of tanned danes and italians . he didnt give a hoot but i thought it so rude . like just go away.. like why do that ?? it didnt affect our hol at all.in the bar one night same entertainer spotted us and had a joke with DH ( in a place with literally 2000 people on site) sure we would all like to look stunning in white bikinis but its who we are - heritage etc

I am of Irish heritage and have very pale skin, dark hair and green eyes. My cousins across generations all have the same. Widely considered locally to be very beautiful women! I think the combination of pale skin and dark hair is quite striking! There are many different ways to look beautiful. I wonder if your worries are related to you feeling you looked different to your family? And then somehow less beautiful?

Maybe look at some beautiful women with this combination - such as Jennifer Connelly. Unusual and very striking looks!

Your pale skin is not the problem, the bullies were! I'm Irish very pale, visible blue veins everywhere and prone to pink patches on my face, blue-eyed and light brown hair. Dh had flaming red hair in his youth, green eyed very Irish orange freckles. My eldest is a genetic miracle a combination of all mine and DH best features and somehow has a golden tan. He is a real beauty. There are occasionally Irish people with darker skin tone, the joke is always the "Spanish sailor" in the DNA.

Your baby will be yours and beautiful to you no matter what. They may have other crosses to bear that you can't understand, that's just the way life goes. I doubt skin tone will be one of them given the background

Oh the grass is always greener! OP, I have pale olive skin myself and I've always hated it. The way it looks yellowish particularly during the winter months, so sickly and off, very few colours complement it.
I've always adored pale skin with cool undertones like yours, you always look so healthy and alive, and you can rock any colour.
My husband's Scottish and his skin is very much like yours, our kids have beautiful peachy looking skin. They can tan but they look healthy when they are pasty too, so jealous!