To worry about my baby being born with my skin tone

[aw9870]

Now let me start by saying this is purely coming from a good place, I have the upmost love for my unborn child (I am currently pregnant) and just don't want them to suffer how I did 😢

I have Irish skin and am deathly pale, I have never had a tan in my life, believe me I've tried! But I just burn or stay deathly white. I was horribly bullied as a child/teenager, always referred to as hideously ugly etc, I have redhead pale skin but with natural jet black hair instead! My father is Irish and my mother is peruvian , I never knew my father or his family so was raised in a Latin household and because of my Latin roots really struggled with the Latina identity because my mother is fairly pale but lots of family is all fairly olive skinned etc and I just do not look like my family, I got my dads Irish skin.

My partner is black mixed race, his father is mixed race and mother black so he is 1/4 white 3/4 black. I am so worried that our child will take after my deathly pale Irish skin and not be able to tan at all and therefore will be bullied like I was and to make it worse for them they will struggle with their identity of being mixed race because half their family is mostly black and they can't even tan one bit and will be completely white passing. I have friends that are mixed race who are white passing that struggle with their identity as they were deemed 'too white to be black/mixed race' but they can still tan and tan very well in fact! But I am just so worried our child will follow suit with my skin and resent me for it the way I resent my paleness.

It's not just the appearance it's hindered me from travelling etc and always having people ask me if I'm feeling okay because I look so unwell without fake tan, I just want my children to be able to enjoy the outdoors and sunshine and not burn within 2 minutes. I have no siblings and my partners siblings children are all mixed race with deep skin tones so I don't want them to feel alien the way I did to my family.

AIBU to be so concerned over this, I just don't want my child to suffer and be bullied like I was 😢

Celtic skin here.

DS is tanned and freckled! He was actually born with skin darker than mine 😂

Really unlikely OP.

My mum is Irish, my dad mixed and I am shades darker than my mum.
I don't even own a single freckle.

Those dark genes are dominant.

You should try and be more proud and happy with your skin tone before your baby is born. Don't underestimate how mentally affecting it will be to your child growing up if they hear their mum making frequent comments about being embarrassed by their skin or that one side of the family has the 'good' skin colour.

I grew up with my mum referring disparagingly about her skin tone and for all my teenage years i had a complex that I should try and hide myself as I was the same colour

I'm olive skinned. Dh is blue (similar skin tone yours OP). Dc1 has my skin tone and dc2 has dh's. Despite living in NE Scotland and wearing factor 50, ds and I are permanently tanned and dh and dd look undead. I think it's tricky. Dd is only 4 and she already has questions about why we're different colours, wishing she was the same colour as me and had to be collected early from preschool recently after someone claimed I couldnt be her mum. On the other hand ds has been on the receiving end of "where are you really from"/"why are you and your mum that colour" etc etc.

That said my mum also has her father's Irish blue/white skin and red hair. I got my skin colour from my Dad.

You are half Peruvian and your DP is 3/4 black. I highly doubt that your child will be as pale as you. Percentage wise, your child will be equally white and black and also 25% Peruvian. You can’t really predict skin colour though because there was always the chance of you having darker skin like your mum.

ds and I are permanently tanned and dh and dd look undead.

do they though? or are they just perfectly normal looking Scottish people?

The problem was never your skin, it was the bullying 😔

So you can rest assured that your DC doesn't have to go through that, because you're their parent and won't let it happen.

I have medium white skin and Dh is v pale. Dd2 has inherited his colouring and has very fair skin, blonde hair and blue eyes. This was totally normal when I was a child but I have to say, she is very self conscious about being so pale as so many children at school have olive or darker skin. It’s a diverse school but at least half are white, I would guess so I’m surprised . She says she is teased for being so pale. I think it’s just kids curiosity comparing skin colour in the playground.

it sounds unlikely your child will be pale but you will consider her beautiful anyway!

I have 2 mixed race children, neither have a mixed skin tone. DS1 is as dark as DH and DS2 as pale as me. DS2, although pale in winter doesn’t burn, exposed body parts tan deeply even with factor 50, but return to a very pale white skin tone in winter. So in my experience even if they are pale they are less likely to burn if mixed race.

I get what you're saying but sadly having pale skin has tended to confer social privilege not the reverse.

I second what pps have said - times have changed and today's kids are genuinely far more likely to celebrate and embrace diversity. Your baby will be utterly beautiful and so are you x

Things seem to be changing keeping your skin healthy and not sun damaged protected by 30+spf at all times. It seems to be the thing with my teens. We are Irish pale but tan easily and would burn if overexposed. None of them nor their (fairskined) friends wear fake tan they all embrace their natural shades from the palest to the darkest shades.

If your partner is mixed race, the chances of your baby being very pale are very slim.

My DH has an Irish mother, and Irish grandparents. You have fair skinned people, then you have pale skinned, then you have him. SUPER pale ... never tans, just goes red, and freckly.

I think he's adorable, but whilst he has fortunately never been properly nastily bullied for being so pale, he seems to attract twats (especially in summer) who just HAVE to point out how PALE he is, (as if he doesn't know!) and how he NEEDS TO GET A TAN. It's just so rude. Like how fucking dare they? I have no idea why people think it's acceptable to mock and deride someone for being 'too white.' And as I said, he literally cannot get a tan. Some people tilt their head and say 'what a shame you can't tan. awwww.'

I have southern European heritage (Italian on the maternal side,) and my skin colour is generally a sorta light tan (like the women on photo in the black bathing costume attached.) In the summer my skin goes like the second woman in the black & white striped dress. DH is like the man in pic 3.

Our DC are fair skinned but not super pale. So yours @aw9870 should not be very pale.

Your post is outrageous. I'm Irish and pale. I'm not ashamed of my colouring. I can't imagine my family (I have mixed race DC) commenting on mine (or anyone else's) skin colour.

It's about time we accepted ourselves for how we are. So you're Irish fair skinned, so what? If you're dark skinned, so what? We all bleed red blood, right?

My parents are both Irish and I'm very pale and had near black hair. Sure in the 70s a "good tan" was a thing and you couldn't get very fair foundation and living in a sunny climate meant lots of sunblock but I was considered very attractive in my youth.

All that sunblock means I really do look much younger than I am - somebody thought I had primary school aged children when they are all grown up. People compliment me on my skin these days. My kids are very light too and have never had a thing about it.

When I was pregnant I was worried my child would inherit my ginger hair and get picked on. They did inherit it but didn't get picked on, in fact people used to compliment her on it! However what she did inherit was a massive boob gene (from her father's side, definitely not from my side!) and, as an early developer, endured a few years of getting picked on about that.

What I'm trying to say is - all parents worry about something about their child's future. If it's wasn't the colour of their skin then it would be something else. After all, we don't ever want our child to experience any sadness ever. But they are going to. So all we can do is equip them with the life skills and qualities to deal with any situations as and when they may happen. And for them to know they can tell us anything and we will help them.

Try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy - you have so much to look forward to!

I love that distinct Irish look of very pale skin and dark hair. It is unique and gorgeous. However your child will be unlikely to inherit it. If you go on and have several children you might get one like that so probably you would need to make sure they are not self conscious about it.

One of my 3 children inherited my mums white pale skin and white blonde hair. He hates the sun, it bothers his eyes just to be out in it and he burns so easily… neither my sister or I inherited mums skin so I didn’t even think one of my children would.

I’m Irish but I’m the opposite, I have olive skin, dark hair & eyes. (I look more Spanish than Irish) As I child I absolutely hated it because because I got teased for it. I wanted nothing more than to be pale, pink & pretty like the other girls, instead of yellow.

But honestly, absolutely every skin tone is beautiful in its own way.

I find the fixation on skin tone extremely grim tbh. I'm saying this as someone who is mixed race. Have you considered counseling OP? It sounds like you are still carrying distress from when you were bullied. It would be horrible to pass that onto your child - they will have their own journey to make around this issue and their identity.

another one offended by the narrative that pale is bad and sun tans are good.

I am pale. I was made to go on sun beds and given factor 3 on holiday, in an attempt to get me a nice, “healthy” tan.

i just burned, painfully, then went white again.

now I am old I am covered in age spots and sun damage. I have to keep covered as the risks are too high- I’ve already had 6 lesions removed.

my dd’s have beautiful pale skin. It’s smooth and unblemished. They don’t tan well either so use factor 50.

people need to love pale skin and be more positive about it. Personally I think the tanned look, fake or real, isn’t great and people should let their natural skin tones shine, whatever colour that is.

If it's any consolation I have always thought your colouring is beautiful - pale skin and dark hair frames the face like a cameo.

Other skin/hair tones are beautiful as well! You're experiencing concerns due to pregnancy and past experience. Please don't worry about it.

Kids would get bullied too if they were brown. Or black. or the perfect skincolour in your mind .

Kids get bullied for not running fast enough
Being overweight. Not having the right shoes

No need to worry about all of that because it is out of your control

Raise your kids with a solid understanding of who they are.
They are both white and whatever your partner is. Raise them strong. Raise them with the fact that people come in all shades and you are not better or worse because of if. That they are as much their dad as they are you. No matter how their skin color may appear.

Don't worry, I'm sure your child with have lovely caramel coloured skin. Dark skin is dominant so it's highly unlikely you will have a very pale child.

Well you sound beautiful - jet black hair and very light skin is gorgeous and it is healthy because that is you don't fall for the bronzed goddess perfection pumped at you through the media it's a total lie. Now grab your factor 50 and come sit by me in the shade!