10 years of marriage and I love him very much. But happened to see a TikTok last week from an ADHD man that very much described my husband while describing himself. I just thought it was "husband's personality" but now I'm really wondering about ADHD. I think it would help a lot to explain the very frustrating aspects of his personality. He's extremely intelligent and high-functioning but:
- no attention span for non-preferred tasks
- impulsivity
- restlessness
- disorganisation and difficulty prioritising tasks (honestly sometimes I've wondered if he is having me on with the level of chaos)
- poor time management and UTTER time blindness (literally NO concept of time, and again I've come to realise this isn't selfishness or narcissism, just "blindness")
- Frequent mood swings and emotional dysregulation
- CANNOT multitask AT ALL (again have generally thought he was having me on with the lack of ability but it's been 10 years and I've accepted he simply can't)
- Inability to control anger and frustration (absolutely LOST IT in the car today because he'd forgotten his iPods at a meeting- and leaves stuff scattered behind him everywhere he goes)
- Distractability
- Difficulty awaiting turn (he goes MAD in queues)
I've had a dilemma for years because often his behaviour comes across as "entitled" or "narcissistic" to others but genuinely, he has the best heart, always says sorry, and I genuinely have thought "that's just how he is". He gets SUPER distressed in crowds which often comes across as aggression unless I'm there to calm him down. He's over 6 feet and very hairy and "male" but often reminds me of a small child with the chaos and the disorganisation.
I don't want to "put him in a box" but it would be - I think- helpful- to realise that all these (very annoying) characteristics are symptoms of neurodiversity, rather than "he's a disorganised, selfish pri**k" which is my default response!
Any resources/help/reading material/directions welcome. This is very new to me so apologies if I've offended anyone. I just somehow "know" I'm on to something here with him.
Need to add- he's a fully-functional adult with a good job who loves me and the kids to bits and would do anything for us. As he says "I'm good at the big things".