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Original poster

Do you worry about your children constantly? How do you ever relax?

85 replies

TrappedInSlothBody · 01/06/2023 21:35

I'd love a child but sensible head says no I shouldn't, and reminds me of all the stuff I've read about how once you have a child your own happiness is basically dependent on theirs for the rest of your life.

I'm prone to anxiety and very good at catastrophic thinking so feel this may be a hint I'd be a terrible parent Grin

How do you not worry about them all the time? That they won't get sick? That a dreadful accident won't happen to them? That they won't get serious depression as an adolescent?

How do you stay sane and level while knowing you can't protect this person you love so much from, well, life doing what life does?

I feel overwhelmed just thinking of it! Which again, I realise, probably means I'd be a shit mother!

OP posts:
Doone21 · 14/08/2023 08:49

You learn to live with the anxiety. If you're already anxious to that extent seek help first

explainthistomeplease · 14/08/2023 08:51

Yes I do. And it's become worse the older I've got. I think it's the realisation that sh&t does happen. When they were tiny I hadn't experienced any trauma in and around my life. Now they're in their mid twenties and I've pretty much seen it all.

Sennelier1 · 15/08/2023 18:59

You learn to live with it I guess. When my two were babies I was very anxious, ran to the GP at the minor cough etc., lay awake at night thinking about crib death. But then It seemed I was able to keep my babies alive. I didn't forget to feed them, when they were sick it was within reason and they were well taken care of. I have grandchildren now and it's the same, sometimes I break out in a panic something will happen to them. But then they yell at me to put my shoes on to go to the playground,and o.k., that's what we do. That's life.

Neverseenbefore · 15/08/2023 19:01

I have 20-somethings and the worry now is much worse than when they were little or teens.

Kiki1703 · 03/05/2024 20:47

sexnotgenders · 01/06/2023 21:46

Funnily enough. I'm less anxious after becoming a mum. I think it gave me perspective on what really matters and also made me just have to get on with stuff instead of always winding myself up in advance. So I'm definitely heaps stronger and confident, and less prone to general anxiety. I have one DD and am about to give birth to number two. Yes I worry about them, but I don't recognise the level of worry you seem to expect - it's not a crippling, consuming concern for their welfare

Are you kids still quite young though. ? Do you see it increasing when they get to teen / adulthood?

Kiki1703 · 03/05/2024 20:50

Glitterbiscuits · 01/06/2023 21:54

I don't know... I have teens/ young adults now. And the stress and anxiety is far, far greater than when they were children.

They are amazing and bright and funny. I love them wholeheartedly.

Would I have children again knowing what this stage is like? I don't know.

Why is it so hard? My girl is ten and I’m already petrified about her growing up… I knew I wasn’t being irrational.

faffadoodledo · 03/05/2024 20:53

Neverseenbefore · 15/08/2023 19:01

I have 20-somethings and the worry now is much worse than when they were little or teens.

Same. I think it's because as you age you experience and learn about more bad things.

LillethCrane · 03/05/2024 21:05

I was terrified of something bad happening to my eldest dd when she was born. I became so anxious I ended up on antidepressants. I felt less worried when my second dd came along. In fact, I was pretty chilled out! Then my third dd was born and was unexpectedly very disabled and I was told she would die within hours of her birth.

Life became a challenge to take one day at a time as I constantly feared her death as I knew it was coming. At that point, I stopped worrying completely about my older children’s health and safety as I was laser focused on keeping their younger sister alive. The day she died, I felt a huge unburdening of fear because the worst thing a parent could imagine, had happened.

In that very same moment, my fear switched back to my older children. Not a day has gone by that I don’t panic they will die too 😢

I went on to have another child and the dread I feel every time I leave him is palpable. I track my older children on Find My IPhone and check in all the time because I can’t bear the thought of them dying too.

If you were to meet me, you would think I’m a completely rational, successful human being but deep down, having children has turned me into an irrational wreck.

Would I change a single day though? Not one. I would never trade my experiences for a trouble-free sleep. But do I worry about my children constantly? Absolutely.

Oblomov24 · 03/05/2024 21:16

No. Never. Worrying is a wasted emotion.

Glitterbiscuits · 08/05/2024 21:35

@Kiki1703 I don't know if I can put it into words. At least not without sounding insane. I just try to suppress it. If you met you'd have no idea.
I hold a professional job etc.

The dangers are so much bigger when they are independent.
Stress of exams, friendships. Learning to drive, going to uni. I can't list them all. Not to mention the state of the world.
I'm scared something horrible will happen to them.
Or Then I'm scared I may die and leave them and they will miss me.

I had no idea I'd feel like this. They bring me so much happiness but unless we are all in the same place I am never completely at peace.

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