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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up of neighbours assumptions or such it up?

59 replies

Mummabear3033 · 01/06/2023 16:21

I am a single parent who lives in a HA home. It's on a fairly new estate so my HA home is identical to the other 3 in the row. Mine is HA, one is shared ownership and the other two are fully private. We got this home as my children's father was awful and we had to up and leave, fine, fair enough I can see why from the outside initial assumptions might be paid. Their father hasn't seen them since 2017.

I work from home, 35 hours a week. If I have to pop to an office or a work session it's usually an hour or two. One of my children has disabilities and a high level of need, she can't attend wrap around care and my work are brilliant. I generally work 9.15-2.45, go collect and have the evening. I do my remaining hours in the evening or first thing in the morning dependent on how DD sleeps. The only benefits we receive are her DLA (high rate care, low rate mobility) and child benefit.

My closest neighbours won't give me the time of day. There was a small issue with guttering in my roof and I got a snarky note through the door telling me they had rung my landlord to get it fixed as they don't expect me to bother. My dad already had it on his list next time he was over to fix ourselves, it only needed a new hook thing. Generally my HA expects us to sort low level repairs ourselves and we avoid it wherever possible because the HA jobs tend to be poor.

They won't let their children anywhere near mine, if my DS waves at her same aged child she pulls them away. She calls them in from the garden if mine go out and are pottering about. The moment she hears mine she calls hers in.

We went on holiday recently and I asked them if m they could run my bin out and I'm always happy to return the favour. Got a rant about how unfair it is I can go on holiday whilst they can't afford to.

Our shower recently broke, this wasn't a minor job. My DD has a blue badge which the HA know so they didn't do what the usually do which is use the driveway and instead parked on the road outside. They got a mouthful from the neighbour about parking on the road and not using my driveway. Then a mouthful about how nice it must be for us to get a new bathroom without paying a penny. It was the shower mixer box thing being replaced, definitely not a new bathroom and I believe all landlords have a duty re things like this? It isn't a HA perk?

I know I can't do anything about their opinions/attitude but AIBU in thinking it's not me who is unreasonable? Or is it entirely reasonable and I just have to accept we won't ever be okay?

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 01/06/2023 16:26

They sound awful. You are doing nothing wrong. Hard has it is try to rise above it and ignore them.

JMSA · 01/06/2023 16:26

You're definitely not second class citizens, if that's what you're asking. And she's a weird and bitter bitch!

DataNotLore · 01/06/2023 16:27

Good for you- sounds like you've built a great life for you and your kids despite your ex.

Your neighbour is a cunt who isn't worth the headspace.

Quitelikeit · 01/06/2023 16:30

They sound absolutely vile. How much was their house?

Id expect a bit of resentment if we were taking 700,000 or something

Tessasanderson · 01/06/2023 16:33

It suprises me that you care about what such wankers think of you. If its all so one sided as you say, imo you dont need people like that in your life.

Smile, be happy and dont worry about people who cant be civil

OhmygodDont · 01/06/2023 16:34

Honestly I’d just tell her.

“yes it is nice to holiday after working 35 hours a week from home, just seeing the same walls everyday”

“yes I no it’s amazing how good the council are at doing major repairs for a family with children with disabilities”

No you shouldn’t have to tell her but both of those answers make her look a bigger twat than she already is.

SequinDiscoBiscuits · 01/06/2023 16:34

I'm in a similar situation.
I just remain dignified and live my life quietly, respectfully and always make a point of smiling/saying hello when I see them, whether they were going to or not. Other than that I don't engage, unless they start a chat, which has occurred more often as the years have gone by (4 now).

Ultimately you won't change their minds or prejudices, the only thing you can control is your own internal reaction to their shitty behaviour.

Quite frankly it's their problem, not yours and the sooner you tell yourself that the better.

ChumleyMcGnee · 01/06/2023 16:35

Just smile and be polite, ignore the stinking jealousy and be happy that you managed to escape such an awful ex and you now have a lovely home. People get weird about all sorts of things. Don't let them bring you down.

LlynTegid · 01/06/2023 16:36

The note instead of a conversation would be the end of any civil dealings with them. If I had any evidence of taking drugs, police called straight away, for example.

Wildlyboring · 01/06/2023 16:38

God I wouldn't want my children anywhere near a family like that. They sound absolutely awful. You don't need to justify anything to anyone, you have a lot on your plate as it is without worrying about arseholes next door, just keep your distance.

IWonderWhereThatDishDidGo · 01/06/2023 16:38

They sound awful and a bit thick tbh. Did they not know that they would have to share the street with (gasp) HA tennents?

I used to be friendly with another mum. We were at her house one day and said we knew someone in one of the flats on the shiny new estate they lived on. She said "oh no we wouldn't know anyone from the flats". I immediately went right off her. Silly twunt.

Thekormachameleon · 01/06/2023 16:38

I'd have told her yo get a job that pays better then.

Next sarcastic comment just tell her to fuck off and mind her own business

Original poster
Mummabear3033 · 01/06/2023 16:38

Tessasanderson · 01/06/2023 16:33

It suprises me that you care about what such wankers think of you. If its all so one sided as you say, imo you dont need people like that in your life.

Smile, be happy and dont worry about people who cant be civil

It bothers me more than the DC are being treated poorly more than anything. My younger child is nearly 7 and isn't daft, he knows they aren't allowed to play with him.

OP posts:
grayhairdontcare · 01/06/2023 16:41

Honestly would not give them the time of day.
You owe no one an explanation about your circumstances

Hazelnuttella · 01/06/2023 16:42

Some people actually think that council houses are “free”, they don’t realise you have to pay rent! I suspect she’s a bit dim.

JadeSeahorse · 01/06/2023 16:42

Dear God what is wrong with these people?

You are doing fantastically well as a single parent with a seriously disabled DC let alone with a second DC AND holding down a ft job. (My Dd - now adult - has SLD so I know exactly how difficult it is.)

You deserve a medal; you most certainly don't deserve an arsehole for a neighbour.

Just go completely grey rock with "Hyacinth Bucket" and if you need anything in the future just ask one of the others as hopefully not all 3 neighbours are like this.

💐 For supermum!

TheCreamTeaWasFromMe · 01/06/2023 16:47

Totally deadpan and factual responses.

Nice that some people get to go on holiday = yes, that's what happens when you have a FT job and save up.

Alright for some getting a new bathroom = yes that's what happens when you pay rent for a property. The landlord has a legal responsibility to repair things when they go wrong.

All said without smiling and with a straight face.

Yummymummy2020 · 01/06/2023 16:50

Op I feel so bad for you. Some people are just horrible. Your neighbours are nasty snobs. I understand why it upsets you that your kids are treated so badly. What horrible people they are. All you can do is explain some people don’t know how to be kind. I would be fuming about it. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job.

Winter2020 · 01/06/2023 16:54

I like some of the responses by @OhmygodDont

E.g.
“yes it is nice to holiday after working 35 hours a week from home, just seeing the same walls everyday”

add "If you would like me to take a look at your budget sometime just let me know" if you are brave!

Tidsleytiddy · 01/06/2023 17:20

In my experience it’s usually wankers who are struggling with mortgages/money who behave like this. They think skinting themselves to say they’re a “property owner” makes them somehow superior. Absolute arsehole

ActDottie · 01/06/2023 17:32

They sound like twats! I’d call them out on it one day if you have the guts to and I reckon they’ll back off… we’ll just blank you but I think that’s better than having to deal with their comments.

dick27 · 01/06/2023 17:41

Gosh they sound truly truly awful, and their poor kids being raised by small minded parents. If they hate having a housing association next door they will surely move and you might get 'normal' decent people. Ignore. There will be other kids yours can play with.

LakieLady · 01/06/2023 17:41

Your neighbour is an utter cunt.

You, on the other hand, are awesome, OP!

Isseywith3witchycats · 01/06/2023 18:06

You sound like you are doing an amazing job bringing up your children your neighbours are snobs, and probably jealous of you , we are the owners in between two rental houses and i couldnt honestly ask for better neighbours than i have , and we are definitely not better than them we were just lucky enough that circumstances allowed us to buy our house ,

Murdoch1949 · 02/06/2023 04:46

Horrid neighbours, sadly you can do nothing to alter their pathetic snobbish attitude. It is sad for your children, but actually in the long run it is better that your children are not in contact with her, she would no doubt end up blaming them for accidents with her children, broken toys etc. You know now not to ask her to put your bin out when you are away, either find someone else or do a tip run yourself. Minimise your contact with her, nothing good will come of it, it's best for you and your family to distance yourself.

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