Fed up of neighbours assumptions or such it up?

[Mummabear3033]

I am a single parent who lives in a HA home. It's on a fairly new estate so my HA home is identical to the other 3 in the row. Mine is HA, one is shared ownership and the other two are fully private. We got this home as my children's father was awful and we had to up and leave, fine, fair enough I can see why from the outside initial assumptions might be paid. Their father hasn't seen them since 2017.

I work from home, 35 hours a week. If I have to pop to an office or a work session it's usually an hour or two. One of my children has disabilities and a high level of need, she can't attend wrap around care and my work are brilliant. I generally work 9.15-2.45, go collect and have the evening. I do my remaining hours in the evening or first thing in the morning dependent on how DD sleeps. The only benefits we receive are her DLA (high rate care, low rate mobility) and child benefit.

My closest neighbours won't give me the time of day. There was a small issue with guttering in my roof and I got a snarky note through the door telling me they had rung my landlord to get it fixed as they don't expect me to bother. My dad already had it on his list next time he was over to fix ourselves, it only needed a new hook thing. Generally my HA expects us to sort low level repairs ourselves and we avoid it wherever possible because the HA jobs tend to be poor.

They won't let their children anywhere near mine, if my DS waves at her same aged child she pulls them away. She calls them in from the garden if mine go out and are pottering about. The moment she hears mine she calls hers in.

We went on holiday recently and I asked them if m they could run my bin out and I'm always happy to return the favour. Got a rant about how unfair it is I can go on holiday whilst they can't afford to.

Our shower recently broke, this wasn't a minor job. My DD has a blue badge which the HA know so they didn't do what the usually do which is use the driveway and instead parked on the road outside. They got a mouthful from the neighbour about parking on the road and not using my driveway. Then a mouthful about how nice it must be for us to get a new bathroom without paying a penny. It was the shower mixer box thing being replaced, definitely not a new bathroom and I believe all landlords have a duty re things like this? It isn't a HA perk?

I know I can't do anything about their opinions/attitude but AIBU in thinking it's not me who is unreasonable? Or is it entirely reasonable and I just have to accept we won't ever be okay?

Well my response would be “it must be nice owning your own home, instead of working full time to pay rent”.

most housing association homes are no longer cheap rent they are around 80% of market value.

they sound bitter about it. Keep doing what you are doing! You sound like an amazing mum.

Resentment of what? A hardworking woman, paying her way, parenting her children?

It's not like she's been given the deeds to the house.

That thing with her child not being allowed to go near yours, is crossing a line for me. Appalling behaviour.
Wonder how hard she actually works anyway.

Your neighbours are wankers. They sound the type who are looking for things to argue and complain about. I bet they would be the same if you owned your house - they'd still find something to moan about.

How awful OP! I'd avoid them for being utterly vile people

A friend of mine was in the exact same position as you OP, with the added complication of a letter going to new owner occupiers on the small estate giving HA details if anyone had reasons to complain about HA tenants. So they expected every issue, real or imagined to result in tenants being evicted. They made her life a misery.
I've lived in council housing for years. The only issues I've ever come across were with owner occupiers. Entitled, bossy, bigoted people.

Advice OP. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Record and issues yourself.

They sound awful, Op.

I have lived next to HA neighbours for years. It wouldn't have crossed my mind to judge them in any way regarding how they we ended up being neighbours.

You’re doing an incredible job. These people are just weirdos probably trapped in a deeply unhappy relationship and jealous to see you excel despite having a feet hardships. You keep doing you and rise above it. They’ll learn the Karma way.

My neighbours are knobs, different circumstances for me but the best way to deal IMO is to carry on with your life as though they don’t exist. Once you get used to pretending they are invisible it’ll get easier!

This, all day long.

I wouldn't bother responding to them, they'll have an answer for everything. I'd also not ask them for favours such as the bins either. If they give workmen a hard time I'd have a word about the fact they weren't being blocked in and to stop harassing the workmen. If they say anything directly about 'it must be nice' just tell them it's none of their business

Just be thankful you're not petty, jealous arseholes like they are.

They sound horrid, I cannot stand snobby judgy people like this. Sounds like you are doing a great job managing your job and children, carry on and ignore these saddos.

I feel sorry for yoyr neighbour. It must be so hard maintaining a small mind.

Just smile, you're doing great, well done.

They sound horrible. You've had the good grace to make an effort with them and I wouldn't bother any more (or let it bother you). Meanwhile you sound amazing, raising your children, running a home, working full time and staying cheerful and positive. I know who I would rather be!

I would call her out every single time.

'I got your note, we're about to repair it but I wanted you to explain what you meant...'

'Ok you're aware you're discriminating against my disabled child right? Are you also aware that's a hate crime?'

While ignoring her is probably the better option to take, I'd love to give this suggestion a spin to see if it puts her back in her box! How dare she be so rude to you and your children. How dare she!
She know zero about your circumstances and she is forming these prejudices in her head from her own bizarre dreams.

I'd call her out "You know you're being very rude, don't you?" and "You're not helping make this world a kinder place by stopping your child play with mine, you know?" and "Have I done something to you personally to offend you?" or the old classic which would work perfectly here "Did you mean to be so rude?".

I think she is hoping that she'll wear you down and you'll have to move. She clearly doesn't understand that if the house itself is HA owned, the process will begin again if you leave and someone else moves in. Thick eejit is what she is.

Do your best to rise above it but have some retorts handy in case she begins to get difficult (or more difficult).

I'm just wondering why you would even want your children to play with their children.

Op you had the strength and courage to leave what I can only assume was an abusive relationship. This is beneath you. I agree there is a certain degree of stigma that goes with having a HA property. But that's her. Not you. It is ignorance. You and your children are better than these people. Just continue to be dignified and pity her for being so closed minded.

"It bothers me more than the DC are being treated poorly more than anything. My younger child is nearly 7 and isn't daft, he knows they aren't allowed to play with him."

Yes that's awful. Just make sure he knows that it's nothing to do with him or even the other children. That it's a sad fact of life that some people are just not very nice and we don't always understand why. I feel sorry for their kids too to be honest, being brought up by arseholes with such a shitty attitude.

this
iteration by politeness. Always smile. Always ask how they are. Don’t let their prejudices alter your actions in normal neighbourly courtesies.

ignore other posters who say ignore, be rude back, take revenge if possible

slowly, bit by bit, they’ll realise they have a good neighbour. One who is no bother, doesn’t infringe on their enjoyment of their home, helps out a bit with bins etc , asks after them and theirs, and realises that they could have way worse neighbours and even appalling neighbours irrespective of whether it’s HA or privately owned

Twats. Pity them. They have no joy. You and your family sound lovely. Just keep on being you. And yes, icy politeness is the way forward.

Some people are just pricks. You can’t do anything about it and she sounds just really unpleasant.

it’s not you. It’s her. Ignore and go on with your life.

Your neighbour sounds like an absolute bitch and should be ashamed of herself!
I don't know where the prejudice comes from, my mum and MIL were both being snobby about LA housing the other day when discussing a move for MIL to live nearer us.
"The problem with the new flats is that some are LA so you don't know who you neighbours will be" she said 😳
I reminded them both that they were both born and raised in council houses, in fact when my mum's parents were offered the chance to buy my grandad famously said "people like us don't own their own homes!"
You sound like you are doing an amazing job - be grateful she doesn't want to be friends x

I’d have to give her some home truths about how she’s so wrong and why her judgements make her a bit of a cunt.

If she’s going to be rude and avoid me anyway, I’d rather have said my piece and give her a real reason to avoid me.

I think a little “educational” chat with your 7 year about assumptions and snobbery while you’re outside spoken clearly and audibly when you know they’re in the garden might come in handy. I would definitely use some examples.
”They assume that the council gives us money to live on, when the truth is that I work full time from here and earn my own money. They are predjudiced against people who don’t work, despite the fact that there are many reasons why some people can’t, and that is why they are horrible to you, Baby. Unfortunately they are also teaching their kids to be terrible snobs too. I’m sorry that your feelings are hurt but I am proud to know that you are going to grow up to be kind and not to form opinions on people based on incorrect assumptions.”

Your neighbours sound vile, jealous and ignorant.

You have my sympathy.

I'd just keep being civil and neighbourly. Then, if possible, one day just drop into the conversation with any neighbour (based on the theory that they will all be talking to and about each other) a nugget of info about your work. Because you can be sure the nasty ones assume you're 'living off the state' and all that stuff.

Shock 'em.