Page 4 | Step child holiday care

whumpthereitis · 01/06/2023 13:55

Sunsetandsmiles · 01/06/2023 11:50

At no point did I say OP should have provided childcare on this specific occasion.

I said I disagree with pp all saying SD is not OPs issue. You don’t marry someone with a child then say their child is not your issue but DH lives with and helps raise your child from your previous relationship. Double standards there!

The issue I would have here is the way OP was spoken to by DH. He was clearly an arsehole.

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I mean, people clearly can and do just that. Whether anyone who isn’t the parent they’re married to disagrees is irrelevant tbh. Marrying a parent means someone gains a title, that’s it. It doesn’t endow them with any rights over or responsibility for a stepchild. Whether they take any of the latter on is up to the individual involved.

Naunet · 01/06/2023 14:02

Sunsetandsmiles · 01/06/2023 13:43

Nope, not confused at all.

At what point did anyone say that?

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If the parents can shrug off their responsibility to their own child, a child they made a choice to have, why can’t OP when she’s got a uni deadline? Is her role to play skivvy now for some reason?

Fraaahnces · 01/06/2023 14:04

Wow! How dare he commandeer your time like that! Maybe you and baby will have to go somewhere else Tuesday night. Are your parents nearby? Can they help?

TomatoSandwiches · 01/06/2023 17:05

Naunet · 01/06/2023 14:02

If the parents can shrug off their responsibility to their own child, a child they made a choice to have, why can’t OP when she’s got a uni deadline? Is her role to play skivvy now for some reason?

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I don't think the poster has any point, except to further the stereotype that step mothers have to put up and shut up when it comes to children they didn't create.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/06/2023 17:09

His child. So he can look after her during holidays

Or organise holiday clubs

Or his ex her mum has her

Sunsetandsmiles · 01/06/2023 18:21

TomatoSandwiches · 01/06/2023 17:05

I don't think the poster has any point, except to further the stereotype that step mothers have to put up and shut up when it comes to children they didn't create.

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Actually if you read my post at no point did I say that. Not everyone is going to agree with your way of thinking. Doesn’t mean it’s stereotyping. I, personally, believe if you enter into a marriage where there will be step children involved then you do, to an extent, have some level of responsibility. And that goes for stepmums and stepdads. That child is part of your family. If you disagree then that’s fine. You do you and I’ll still have the same opinion.

Also, at no point did I say the OP should have taken on the childcare in this specific situation. I merely pointed out that I disagreed.

Curtains70 · 01/06/2023 18:28

See its a tough one for me because I have an 11 year old DSD and it wouldn't occur to me to day she couldn't come round if I was home anyway.

That being said your DH sounds like a bit of a prick, he speaks to you like shit and only sees his kid EOW. So in that sense I guess YANBU

Murdoch1949 · 02/06/2023 05:28

Good god, what a terrible husband and father. Your responsibility is to your baby and yourself. You do not have to look after your husband's child, she has 2 parents to do that. He is being vile to you and needs to understand his responsibility to you and his children.

evuscha · 02/06/2023 05:46

For that vile comment alone, and for demanding rather than asking nicely, that would be a no from me.

Successstory82 · 02/06/2023 05:48

Your thread should be In relationships and the title should be

”my dh shouted at me that I am a “selfish bitch”

Successstory82 · 02/06/2023 05:49

How long have you been with him op? And him shouting at you “selfish bitch”… did this come as a surprise to you?

ChubbyMorticia · 02/06/2023 05:50

You’re studying for your masters and caring for a six week old. How on earth is that not equal to, or greater than, the time commitment of a regular full time job?! And he thinks he can order you to disrupt your schedule to suit him? AND be verbally abusive when you don’t comply?

I’d be making an exit plan. This isn’t about your SDD, imo, but the complete lack of respect from your DH.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 28/06/2023 21:17

You are not being unreasonable and if my dh spoke to me like that I would not be doing any childcare for either him or his ex with regards to their daughter for the whole half term or summer.

Nanny0gg · 28/06/2023 21:21

KnackeredMum12 · 31/05/2023 23:52

I have a six week old (mine and DH) and my 7 year old who I share custody of with my ExH. I am on maternity leave from the NHS but am still doing a professional MSc (funded) whilst on leave. My husband works long hours in a job he got recently following the collapse of his business. Due to this I do all Baby related care and night waking (breastfeeding). I have a Uni deadline on Monday and have been quite stressed about it. On Monday he informed me my stepdaughter would be coming over on Wednesday and that I would need to look after her as he and his ex were working (she is 12) I had not been consulted about this and assumed that it was obvious I was not able to take on another child over half term due to sleep deprivation, deadline etc. My DSD is lovely but very high needs and has behaved badly since the new baby arrived . I have explained that my mental health is more important than her feeling bored at her Mum's house and that if he wants to have her extra over holidays then he should book holiday. His normal arrangement is EoW. He shouted at me and called me a selfish b*tch. AIBU to say I can't manage her care as well as my other children?

You have a newborn and he expects you to have HIS daughter without a by-your-leave whilst you're also studying? And then he calls you names when you point out you're on your knees?

He's a pig

Stick to your guns