AIBU to not allow adult dc to bring her bf to my house?

[aibu123456]

Hi
Obviously adult dd (25) thinks I am being very unreasonable. Do you agree with her?

She is living at home, not working, taking drugs, spending all her time with bf who also does not work and takes drugs.

Aibu to say I don't want this in my house?!

She is now saying that because I won't allow bf in the house anymore that I am making her drug problem worse because if they were in my house they would respect my no drugs rule and so because I won't allow it it means that she is out doing more drugs and it's my fault.

They would both be out on their ear with no shits given if it were me.
She chose to go down that path, she doesn't need to drag you down with her.
She could sleep on a park bench for all I'd care.

You need to start charging her proper rent. This will force her to work or move out. It might sound harsh but she needs a big dose of reality.

I haven't yet figured out that part. Is crossing my fingers and hoping for the best an adequate plan? only half joking

She's being very manipulative and awfully childish, OP.

Stick to your guns and encourage her to start saving to leave and get her own place.

It's ridiculous for a 25 year old to be behaving like that.

@aibu123456

If you're being really honest with yourself, are you prepared to involve the police?

Because I'm afraid that is absolutely going to be necessary to get her out.

But you sound unwilling to actually involve them.

Which would mean living like this forever.

You're going to have to fight against your instinct and call the police, it's really important you do so for your own safety or this will just run and run.

@monsteramunch I have called them previously when she was on a drug rage and I was scared that she was going to get physical. She didn't and calmed down and showed remorse etc. Things have been a bit better since in terms of the violent rages and she knows if it goes that far again she will be arrested.
I am definitely not prepared to live like this forever and do want her to leave but I would prefer not to completely destroy our relationship in the process

He's looking for a home with you though isn't he so guilting you into it....addicts are manipulative.
Serve her an eviction notice

No I wouldn't let her boyfriend in the house if she is manipulate in saying you are making things worse then that's on her not you. She sounds an absolute brat don't let him in then you will have 2 brats over running your home.

So you are prepared to call the police if she doesn’t leave?

When is she next going out?

Could you have the new lock ready to replace so that you can do it as soon as she has gone out?

Citizens Advhce can help. But as others have said

1. she has no rights to stay
2. you can change the locks to prevent her return
3. If you are frightened you can call the police
4. the Council have a duty to find her somewhere if she is homeless at least temporarily while they assess her situation
5. she can claim the equivalent of the cost of a room in an HMO (due to her age) within her UC claim
6. id also block her on SM and phone fir a short while until things settle down

What a horrible situation for you OP.

When my DC were at home I allowed their GF/BF’s to spend time here. That’s because my DC all worked, contributed to household expenses and were considerate of the rest of the family’s need for their own space/quiet.

Very rarely did their partners spend the night here. If they did it was because it was more convenient for them after a night out than making it to their own home.

In your situation I would not allow a dd, who is not working, doesn’t consider the needs of others and takes drugs - never mind theBF!

If they can afford to take drugs they can afford to pay rent on their own place, between them.

I appreciate it must be very difficult to throw your own dc out but, honestly, in your situation I would. No doubt about it!

It’s time they both grew up and start taking responsibility for themselves. Good luck OP 💐

Get them out! - for your sake

... encourage her to start saving to leave and get her own place

I rather doubt that someone who prioritises drugs above all else will be too interested in saving money, or that even raising something she may consider impossible will help

Is crossing my fingers and hoping for the best an adequate plan? only half joking

Clearly it isn't, no, but only you can choose what to do as an alternative, and sadly it doesn't sound as if you're at the point yet of doing anything that will help either of you

Looking at this really rationally, she and her bf both know how to get housing if needs be. She will have seen him getting a space in a homeless shelter often enough. I don’t want to say that your dd will be fine. But this really can’t go on. She will need the letter from you to present herself as homeless. But she needs to do this on her own. The council told you they couldn’t help as you’re housing her. What they should have said is that if you need assistance, you call the police.

@aibu123456 any progress this morning?

How did today go OP?