To think it's impossible to keep home tidy with kids always here!

[Howiwonderwhat]

I work full time. I've got young kids. I get up in the morning, drop baby at nursery, then kids to school, then I got to work. Then I pick everyone up. We go home, have dinner, the kids play or do homework, put everyone to bed and then tidy/clean enough for the place to look OK. Then it's getting uniforms etc ready, I go to bed and do it all over again.

The weekend is the same, with myself and husband working in shifts to take the kids out so one can clean or sleep, depending on the urgency. The place is constantly gross. I'm constantly hoovering, and not to maintain some amazingly pristine standards, but because there is fresh debris everywhere, all the time! The laundry basket is constantly over flowing despite me and DH seemingly washing a million loads of washing a week. Cupboards are constantly overflowing with junk that I don't have time to sort. Everything is always on the brink of turning into chaos. I can't keep on top of anything.

Pre-emptying the usual mumsnet questions:
DH and I split everything.
We have no family support at all.
I cannot lower my standards any further.
We have tried and tried to get a cleaner and it has never worked. They were always awful, or left the area or live too far away. One did something when in my home and it upset me so much I've been reluctant to get another one anyway.

So I've joined Instagram after a long time off it and there are so many reels that have loads of life hacks to clean your home, and they all involve having a period of child free time to do so. I found myself shouting at the screen 'of course your house is clean when your kids aren't there so you can clean it!

Disclaimer:I adore my kids but am so tired of never having a chance to properly clean it.

I don't actually want advice, just solidarity! Who is with me?

You’re spot on. My children just spent a long weekend with their Dad and that is the only time the house is completely in order. I was able to clean, tidy, organise clutter, toys, old clothes, the car! It barely took an hour of then being back before all the toys and crafts etc were out 😅 I missed them though so enjoyed the chaos 🤣

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4817448-really-organised-calm-families-how-do-they-do-it?page=2

Some good tips coming up on this thread 😅

I bought the Organised mum method app, waaaaay too many jobs on there for my sanity. Door frames and window frames - nope I will not be cleaning those weekly...

I often wonder how many people have cleaning/tidying as their main hobby tbh.

I've definitely noticed that the amount of stuff is the problem. The house is grew up in was incredibly cluttered and so I do know what this is like. Contrary to how I'm aube being perceived, I'm actually trying my best not to be messy and to have a home my kids are proud of. I definitely don't remember my parents busting themselves to clean the place every like DH and I do. I'm trying. I'm just not very good. Clutter seems to be the problem.

I do a hybrid method of Organised Mum Method and the guided cleans on Rock the Housework. I understand you totally, OP, with kids it can take seconds to make mess that takes minutes to clear up, multiply that over a day or whatever and it's easy to end up under a sea of 'stuff'.

The key for us is having places for everything to go. It sounds simple but until we had enough places for stuff to go, it was simply being moved around the place, not put away. We have a big fabric bag thing in living room for baby toys that we just literally chuck them in at the end of the day, so tidying up doesn't take long at all.

We also tag team so that one parent takes DC for half an hour after work while the other whizzes around and gets as much done as possible.

Good enough is good enough too. It doesn't have to be a show home. You live there and your kids live there and it's fine for there to be some evidence of a busy family life! Figure out what your priorities are and don't sweat the other stuff. I care most about living room, kitchen, our bedroom and family bathroom. If the playroom or the utility room or the kids bedrooms or whatever are a bit messy then I can live with that.

When I was growing up in the 90s though the shelves in our rooms were full of videos, books, CDs, a massive radio/CD player, PCs instead of iPads, and you still had the Cosy Coupe cars/similar garden toys. I don't think have loads more large stuff now but I do think it's down to Instagram. Prior to social media the only houses you saw inside were friends and neighbours or in Hello magazine!

Also most friends' houses I go to with young children are not totally tidy either! They have stuff on the sides, sometimes there is stuff on the floor, there might be dishes on the side waiting to be done. That's just life, really.

It's just so psychologically horrible to live in a tip. I'm not obsessed with having a clean house but I do think it's important to have a sonewhat civilised home that doesn't look like it's been burgled or that a hoover bag burst in every room. If my standards were much lower it would be a dirty and unpleasant place to live. I've seen other people idea of mess and it's a kind of shabby chic with a few toys strewn on the floor or a throw haphazardly but cosily draped over the sofa. It doesn't get IKEA messy. If we're not constantly on it it looks like that we've been raided by the police!

Thank you

So many helpful messages, everyone. I'm giving baby her supper so can't reply to everyone but I'm reading every one, thank you

Our house can naturally be a bit untidy, the ONLY way we keep on top of it is to do it as you go along, put things back as soon as kids have finished etc, take things up then and there instead of putting in a 'pile' or get an up and down basket. You then have set days and times for the washing/ironing/putting away that you stick to.
If it's properly tidy then actual cleaning can be done quickly while one parent looks after the kids.
Also, throw things away/recycle/charity/clothes bank and take them then and there.

I think the ones they get told to flag up is where the home is spotless. If you're interacting with your kids a lot, not everybody can do pristine home as well. Some can, but don't assume you are raising red flags in your home is a wee bit embarrassingly messy

Solidarity OP!

Tidying the house while the kids are growing
is like shovelling snow while it's still snowing.

(I just try to embrace it - sweep it all under the couch and play another game!)

Total waste of time

I sweep and mop on a Monday, that does me

Cleaning is overrated

Get your DH to take the kids out, full day ideally. Then put them for 2-3 days into childcare in summer as well. Ideally try to get a day at nursery for the baby as well.

Before that make a plan, tackle each bedroom first, throw away broken stuff, party bag rubbish and sort out toys they don't play with anymore.

Look up good storage solutions, the older DD got, the smaller her stuff was and so much got lost in big toy boxes so we swapped them for smaller drawers.

Bribe children to help in future. Get them to tidy each day after dinner for 1/4hour, set a timer. Over time they will have less to tidy up.

Also look closely at your things, do you have squirrel tendencies? Can your DH take a day or two off and tackle bits if things like paperwork/filing is left behind, bring stuff to the dump, sort through cabinets?

If you can’t take any time off to declutter or it’s overwelming - start small. Leave a bag for life (or a bin bag if you’ve got space and put say 3 things a day in it that you can donate to a charity shop - then drop it off at the weekend. Repeat the week after with bag for the tip, and so on. 3 things a day are easy to grab so shouldn’t take a lot of time but over a few weeks will make a difference

Secondly - may be easier or harder depending on your routines - we have designated areas for eating and drinking. So kids always have to eat breakfast dinner and tea at kitchen table, ditto any drinks in the kitchen. They can have the odd snack like crisps in the living room or water bottle but anything else is in the kitchen. Sounds draconian but has saved a multitude of spills and clear ups and stains on the couch and rugs

Two suggestions

1. robot vacuum cleaner - though you have to have a tidy floor for it to get going. It will save hours of hoovering time
2. throw out just one thing a day. Easy, attainable goal. Or for the first week one thing a day, second week two things a day
3. an idea I like but never actually do is to put a load of assorted crap that "might be useful some day" in a bag. If, in one month, you have not needed anything and can't even remember what's in the bag - bin it!

(That's three ideas!)

If you can afford it, get a skip and fill it up. If you are all out of the house 90% of the time your kids really don't need many toys. Get toy storage for the baby on the wall, so they can't reach it themselves and you can control what comes out when.

Sounds like a few days to declutter would be a good idea. Its harder if you've no support nearby from family but definitely possible.
I use organised mum boot camp whenever I need to reset if feeling too disorganised. Day to day as long as kitchen, bathroom & main living areas are tidy i dont stress too much. Untidy is different from dirty so remember that.
Kids can help tidy up as well, I'm a childminder & all the children help tidy up before we go out on school/nursery runs or parks etc as well as before lunch & half an hour or so before home time. Amazing how quick they will get the hang of it with a tidy up song on your phone even crawling babies will copy bigger toddlers & join in. House work - if kids are playing happily o can run a duster round a room, often they ask to help out which is encouraged! Pays dividends as they get older & can be respobsible for own bedrooms, laundry etc. Hoovering, brushing/mopping floors I just leave until they nap or are in bed but if place is fairly tidy it doesn't take too long.
I'm also from large family who used to spoil kids with far too much in terms of toys. I encouraged them to put money towards days out with them or craft/science kits which came in big boxes but if used once for a fun afternoon could then be binned & no clutter left for us to cope with. Its not easy when they're all wee but does get better & you regain a semblance of a space you can be happy with.

Also get the kids involved in decluttering toys, mine were always far mine ruthless than i expected. Ask them to choose 1 of each type of toy if they have too many simialr things.
Check if you have a local bartering site on Facebook...Kids around here are very keen on getting rid of things they've outgrown if it means they get some favourite snacks in return!

Solidarity. This isn’t a helpful suggestion because it’s not for everyone but I just throw money at it and pay for a cleaner etc.

It's quite insulting to suggest those people who like a tidy house do it because of social media! I've always liked a clean space ever since I was small. It's just the way I am! I can't function in a mess.

Little and often is the only way. I WFH which obviously helps massively but pre-pandemic when I WOH I had to sort out admin immediately on getting home and put stuff back in it's place. Same when children were in bed.

Decluttering regularly helps. When it's outgrown it goes. Stuff I keep to pass down to next child gets reviewed fairly regularly to ensure child it will be passed down to will actually use it! Little things like that help.

How does WFH help because I find it makes things worse?

You say your kids are school age, so what chores do they do?
I try to keep my parenting low demand, as both my DC are ND (awaiting Autism Assessment), but at 5, they help around the house with stuff like tidying toys away, keeping their beds neat(ish), helping me clear plates after meals, 'helping' me wash up (normally more of a hindrance, but great fun), both enjoy little pockets of hoovering and there's no military style expectation at all, but I started including little ways to help when they were 2.5/3 just to sow the seeds.

Has anyone actually said to you that your house is messy? If not relax.

I have very abusive compulsive disorder family members that literally scream abuse in my face if they happen to "pop" over without notice and my children have toys out on the floor. I think once kids are passed a certain age, parents literally forget how chaotic it can be and seem to have no patience, tolerance or understanding for others still living it. Don't listen to others that are telling you it is easy to live in show home conditions with small DC's because it is anything but!