To think it's impossible to keep home tidy with kids always here!

[Howiwonderwhat]

I work full time. I've got young kids. I get up in the morning, drop baby at nursery, then kids to school, then I got to work. Then I pick everyone up. We go home, have dinner, the kids play or do homework, put everyone to bed and then tidy/clean enough for the place to look OK. Then it's getting uniforms etc ready, I go to bed and do it all over again.

The weekend is the same, with myself and husband working in shifts to take the kids out so one can clean or sleep, depending on the urgency. The place is constantly gross. I'm constantly hoovering, and not to maintain some amazingly pristine standards, but because there is fresh debris everywhere, all the time! The laundry basket is constantly over flowing despite me and DH seemingly washing a million loads of washing a week. Cupboards are constantly overflowing with junk that I don't have time to sort. Everything is always on the brink of turning into chaos. I can't keep on top of anything.

Pre-emptying the usual mumsnet questions:
DH and I split everything.
We have no family support at all.
I cannot lower my standards any further.
We have tried and tried to get a cleaner and it has never worked. They were always awful, or left the area or live too far away. One did something when in my home and it upset me so much I've been reluctant to get another one anyway.

So I've joined Instagram after a long time off it and there are so many reels that have loads of life hacks to clean your home, and they all involve having a period of child free time to do so. I found myself shouting at the screen 'of course your house is clean when your kids aren't there so you can clean it!

Disclaimer:I adore my kids but am so tired of never having a chance to properly clean it.

I don't actually want advice, just solidarity! Who is with me?

One little tip : the stuff in the cupboards/wardrobes is where you start when you declutter.

The stuff on the floor is played with. The stuff in the laundry basket is worn.

It shouldn’t take much longer than 5 minutes to straighten up (I’m not talking about cleaning, but a quick pick up and put everything away), and to do that everything needs an easily accessible home.

So when you put away laundry, cast your eye over the wardrobes, shelves and drawers to see what wasn’t chosen. And look at the toy shelves to see what isn’t played with.

I know it’s staying the obvious but often we get stuck before we even begin because we look at the stuff that overflows as excess.

Keep a donation bag (preferably a black bin bag no one (including you) can see through) somewhere handy where it’s easy to drop things in as you go about your day, or when you’re folding laundry. It doesn’t need to be a big project - when you’re putting a few things in every week it will make a difference before you know it.

And yes, op, it’s hard with kids underfoot. We lived in chaos growing up, and I was recently in my dm’s house marvelling at how tidy it was and wondering if she’d suffered a personality changing head injury!! She said there’s no one around now to mess it up anymore.

I just wanted to add, remember what you see on Instagram is equivalent to a film set. Generally, it’s trying to sell you a lifestyle or product, it’s meant to seem desirable and appeal to you wanting your home to be tidy/organised like theirs. It’s an unattainable standard.

The examples you gave of baby crawling through mess while you are sweeping, and another child spills something in another room...

Floor is swept at dinner time, while baby is still strapped in high chair with a toy or finger food. Other children only eat/drink at the table, not in the living room. Drawing etc is only done at a table. Set some rules, it will help to avoid chaos.

Get a small play-pen for the babe to corral him/her with a few toys while you clear kitchen or do laundry. Older children can help fold, or sit at table doing homework. Children as young as 4 or 5 can help out with small chores.

My friend gets one of those small skips occasionally boy it really works, broken toys, tatty clothes, etc. Takes about a week to fill. Three kids there as well

You've got at least 3 kids and you and DH both working ( full time?) shifts.
My kids are grown up now, but everyone I knew with 3+ kids had one parent working part time, because it's practically impossible to manage with both adults working full time. These days the uk is set up so that you are more or less forced to be full time to cover basic expenses, but that doesn't make any easier to manage. There are not enough hours in the day to do it all and get enough sleep, and god forbid you should want any sort of social life or free time or even chill out with your dc.
So solidarity to you, it does get easier as the dc get older , and don't compare your home with anyone else's , especially if they have fewer children than you!

You know those chutes builders use I used to think it would be nice to have one and lob the contents of the kids bedroom floors down one 🤣

Trying to tidy your home with kids around is like trying to rake leaves in the middle of a tornado.

This quote has always made sense to me. Solidarity!

I empathise. I WAH and feel like I am constantly cleaning, sorting, tidying and managing the constant clothes rotations and I only have 1 young DS (also an adult DC that adds to the clothes rotations!)
Today I have gone brutal and clearing out a lot! We accumulate so much 'stuff' we really don't need!

My suggestion would be get rid of what you can!

Thanks everyone. You all gave such great advice.

Today I did the groceries and tried to put them away and start dinner. One of the older kids was in the living room. I asked him to watch the baby while I got started but she was crying so much I brought her into the kitchen with me.

I tried putting her into her hight chair with a snack while I put the stuff away. She kept trying to climb out of the high chair every time my back was turned. I took her out of the highchair and popped her on the floor with some toys but she just wanted to pull everything out of the cupboards. My husband was out so he couldn't help and my older kid isn't old enough to watch her properly. Got stuff put away eventually and needed to empty the dishwasher but by that stage the baby was opening and closing so many doors I felt scared she would nip her fingers. Two older kids started screaming at eachother, resulting in one of them getting scratched. Had to go in and out to sort that.

Older child kept coming in and out for something and I had to tell him to just leave and stop coming in. Baby will not go in a play pen; I did try in the past but she howled the place down so much that I couldn't get much done. I had to just abandon the dishwasher.

This is just one small example of something that happens over and over when I try to do one simple thing. I was standing in the kitchen thinking, what is wrong with me? This is supposed to not be 'that hard'. Why can't I get the groceries put away?

I'm laughing about it but seemingly simple things end up being so logistically difficult. I feel also that a lot of my cognitive space is spent on managing the kids that there isn't even room to plan the housework effectively.

I'm glad I'm mostly not alone in finding such a challenge to run a home with small kids.

Trying to tidy a house with a toddler in it is like trying to rake leaves in a tornado.

I get mine delivered between 9-10 at night for this reason and get to unpack and put away in silence 😁 there is absolutely nothing wrong with you OP. A lovely woman once described me at a family outing as ‘trying to herd cats’ and I think it’s a very accurate summary of having children and trying to do anything.

I find a later evening slot is a motivator to clean the kitchen and hall so the Tesco man thinks I’ve got my shit together. May be worth a go.

Are you DC old enough to help out? I taught mine to use the washing machine when they were 7, that was mainly due to DD1’s attitude at the time. They also did things like lay/clear the dinner table, wash up or load/empty dishwasher for pocket money.

Now that they are at Uni and no longer living here, if I say “the dishwasher is clean” when they are home they leave the room saying “I have important Uni work” 🤣🤣

I have a dog and a child with Sen (only relevant because he requires a lot of support) we recently redecorated and I'm keen to keep it clean. I work part time. To keep on top I'm currently spending about two hours a day cleaning. Previous I probably did half that with the odd longer session. House looks great but surely most people don't have two hours a day spare.