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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's impossible to keep home tidy with kids always here!

63 replies

Howiwonderwhat · 31/05/2023 18:00

I work full time. I've got young kids. I get up in the morning, drop baby at nursery, then kids to school, then I got to work. Then I pick everyone up. We go home, have dinner, the kids play or do homework, put everyone to bed and then tidy/clean enough for the place to look OK. Then it's getting uniforms etc ready, I go to bed and do it all over again.

The weekend is the same, with myself and husband working in shifts to take the kids out so one can clean or sleep, depending on the urgency. The place is constantly gross. I'm constantly hoovering, and not to maintain some amazingly pristine standards, but because there is fresh debris everywhere, all the time! The laundry basket is constantly over flowing despite me and DH seemingly washing a million loads of washing a week. Cupboards are constantly overflowing with junk that I don't have time to sort. Everything is always on the brink of turning into chaos. I can't keep on top of anything.

Pre-emptying the usual mumsnet questions:
DH and I split everything.
We have no family support at all.
I cannot lower my standards any further.
We have tried and tried to get a cleaner and it has never worked. They were always awful, or left the area or live too far away. One did something when in my home and it upset me so much I've been reluctant to get another one anyway.

So I've joined Instagram after a long time off it and there are so many reels that have loads of life hacks to clean your home, and they all involve having a period of child free time to do so. I found myself shouting at the screen 'of course your house is clean when your kids aren't there so you can clean it!

Disclaimer:I adore my kids but am so tired of never having a chance to properly clean it.

I don't actually want advice, just solidarity! Who is with me?

OP posts:
Caspianberg · 31/05/2023 18:06

How does it get so bad, if you are all out 90% of the time?
That’s what I would try and solve. What things cause the most chaos in the time before bed and first thing in the morning?

Sorting out has to just happen with kids.
Move bedtime back 15 mins. Sort one area and kids help every night for 10 mins before bed

Ragwort · 31/05/2023 18:13

Have your kids got too much stuff? I know I sound old fashioned but I am constantly amazed about how many toys, clothes, gadgets, games etc etc so many DC seem to have.
I was very, very strict when my DC were young .. only one toy out at a time, if they were given too many toys at Christmas or birthdays they went straight to the charity shop. I was not prepared to have my home swamped with toys.

Original poster
Howiwonderwhat · 31/05/2023 18:15

Caspianberg · 31/05/2023 18:06

How does it get so bad, if you are all out 90% of the time?
That’s what I would try and solve. What things cause the most chaos in the time before bed and first thing in the morning?

Sorting out has to just happen with kids.
Move bedtime back 15 mins. Sort one area and kids help every night for 10 mins before bed

Very good question. I'd say it's the size of our place. It's very small and was fine when my older kids were much smaller. The rent is cheap for what we have got and the area is fab. It was starting to get a bit squished then I got pregnant with the baby. We decided to wait until a certain date to move, for various reasons. It's small, I never get a chance to declutter properly. The older kids are getting better at tidying but often the baby is tired and crying around the time I should be supervising them doing a proper sort while DH is clearing up after dinner or doing some other job. I know it has to be done with kids. It's just so tricky.

OP posts:
ToK1 · 31/05/2023 18:16

Sorry, I dont get it

Especially if you both split everything and are out of the house most of the week.

Tidying up/cleaning doesn't take that long. Nor does washing.

Original poster
Howiwonderwhat · 31/05/2023 18:16

Ragwort · 31/05/2023 18:13

Have your kids got too much stuff? I know I sound old fashioned but I am constantly amazed about how many toys, clothes, gadgets, games etc etc so many DC seem to have.
I was very, very strict when my DC were young .. only one toy out at a time, if they were given too many toys at Christmas or birthdays they went straight to the charity shop. I was not prepared to have my home swamped with toys.

Far too much stuff. We have big families who buy them stuff when they see them. Im trying to just bin stuff as I go but I can't seem to get a job started without having to finish for some reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
Howiwonderwhat · 31/05/2023 18:17

ToK1 · 31/05/2023 18:16

Sorry, I dont get it

Especially if you both split everything and are out of the house most of the week.

Tidying up/cleaning doesn't take that long. Nor does washing.

I don't either. It feels never ending and I don't know why.

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 31/05/2023 18:19

It’s hard when your kids are young. It gets a lot easier when they’re older. One thing I will say is that it’s easy to keep a tidy place tidy. If the cupboards are overflowing and the place is too cluttered tidying is a much bigger job than it it’s quite organised.

Also sometimes it’s ok to not be doing things with the kids. It wasn’t uncommon when mine were young for me to have a film night where they would get told to sit and watch x film so I could catch up on some washing and jobs. Not every night obviously but every couple of weeks so that I could get things done.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 31/05/2023 18:23

If you place is a little small then is it storage thats the issue?

If you have more stuff than you can store your house will always feel messy no matter how much effort you put into it.

You say laundry is an issue, do you have a laundry service by you? Less intrusive than a cleaner and may take some of that load off you.

Can you afford pre prepared food like hello fresh so food prep is quicker?

Do you have family who can come over and entertain the children/take them off your hands at the weekend so you can do a good declutter?

Are you being too hard on yourself? Your house doesnt have to be prisitine especially with small children. Those people you see on instagram probably only show you certain areas of the house at a time, its probably not all tidy all the time.

ToK1 · 31/05/2023 18:23

@Howiwonderwhat

Well, yeah

Housework is never ending. But not impossible or even that difficult

musixa · 31/05/2023 18:24

My parents spent years blaming their messy house on 'the children' - my sister and me.

Surprise, surprise, once we'd left home the mess escalated to unbearable levels because we'd been the only ones even attempting to keep it tidy.

It doesn't have to be perfect but you should get it under control now before it becomes the ingrained norm for the house to be a mess.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 31/05/2023 18:27

ToK1 · 31/05/2023 18:23

@Howiwonderwhat

Well, yeah

Housework is never ending. But not impossible or even that difficult

A lot of things become more difficult when you are sleep deprived though and the OP mentioned a baby and catching up on sleep

I have chronic insomnia and you can always tell when im in a good patch of sleeping because my housework is done twice as fast so i achieve a lot more.

VivaVivaa · 31/05/2023 18:31

Reduce the amount of stuff you own. Take some time off when the kids are in nursery/school and have a brutal sort out as opposed to aiming yo clean. It’s so much easier to keep a house that is less full of stuff clean and tidy. I learnt the hard way from having a mother who has spent the last 30 years trying to get her house sorted (and like a PP, blamed it on the DC for 20 of those years). It’s absolutely impossible if you can’t keep on top of your stuff in the first place.

Kanaloa · 31/05/2023 18:33

VivaVivaa · 31/05/2023 18:31

Reduce the amount of stuff you own. Take some time off when the kids are in nursery/school and have a brutal sort out as opposed to aiming yo clean. It’s so much easier to keep a house that is less full of stuff clean and tidy. I learnt the hard way from having a mother who has spent the last 30 years trying to get her house sorted (and like a PP, blamed it on the DC for 20 of those years). It’s absolutely impossible if you can’t keep on top of your stuff in the first place.

This is a good idea. When mine were young and I was working I did this a few times, took a week annual leave to do a ‘spring clean.’ Then because the place was less cluttered I could clean easily.

Original poster
Howiwonderwhat · 31/05/2023 18:34

ToK1 · 31/05/2023 18:23

@Howiwonderwhat

Well, yeah

Housework is never ending. But not impossible or even that difficult

No in theory it's not. If I'm sweeping the floor and turn around to get the dustpan and the baby crawls into the pile of dirt/dust then I have to deal with that. Baby starts crying, DH is helping another child with homework so I have to go settle baby, then go back to sweep up the mess. Or I'm cleaning the bathroom and one of my kids spills something all over the living room floor and I have to stop and deal with that. Stuff like that. It's like normal housework with an assault course built in. My children are lovely so don't want to sound resentful, as I'm not. Just wanted to see if anyone else felt the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
Howiwonderwhat · 31/05/2023 18:43

We need to seriously deal with clutter, ive realised. That's a huge part of the problem. I'm a teacher so I can't take annual leave. My job is pretty tiring too and I come home and sometimes I feel like I'm wading through mud (love my job though-im just drained at the end of the day). I am also sleep deprived and sometimes hit an unbelievable wall. Husband feels the same.

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 31/05/2023 18:44

Although you can’t take annual leave, it is almost the summer holidays - could you put the kids in their normal childcare (nursery, holiday club etc) and have a week off that way?

Original poster
Howiwonderwhat · 31/05/2023 18:45

musixa · 31/05/2023 18:24

My parents spent years blaming their messy house on 'the children' - my sister and me.

Surprise, surprise, once we'd left home the mess escalated to unbearable levels because we'd been the only ones even attempting to keep it tidy.

It doesn't have to be perfect but you should get it under control now before it becomes the ingrained norm for the house to be a mess.

My kids are definitely not attempting to keep the place tidy

OP posts:
Original poster
Howiwonderwhat · 31/05/2023 18:47

Kanaloa · 31/05/2023 18:44

Although you can’t take annual leave, it is almost the summer holidays - could you put the kids in their normal childcare (nursery, holiday club etc) and have a week off that way?

Yes we've been thinking about something like that. For a week, some kind of camp or summer scheme. Even if it's just for the older kids and the baby stays with us, that will still make a big difference!

OP posts:
musixa · 31/05/2023 18:49

Howiwonderwhat · 31/05/2023 18:45

My kids are definitely not attempting to keep the place tidy

Show quote history

Not while they're young, but when they're older and want to have friends round without being embarrassed, if the mess isn't under control, they'll have no choice.

ToK1 · 31/05/2023 18:50

@Howiwonderwhat

Loads seem to feel like you so you're definitely not alone.

Not be long till the summer holidays though

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 31/05/2023 18:55

I have needed to sort out/declutter DS's playroom (small spare bedroom) since October. Finally got round to it yesterday when DH was working and DS was at nursery as an extra day (normally when he's there, I'm at work). It took me 4 uninterrupted hours.

We do clean if we get help from in-laws at the weekend around every 8 weeks or so, but it's just the basics and very much - either we do a tip run, or we list some stuff on eBay, or we hoover and clean the 3 bathrooms/toilets. Not all of it.

I am going to try the Organised Mum Method when DS starts school.

Mischance · 31/05/2023 19:00

It is definitely impossible and maybe you should stop trying. Set a level of clutter/chaos that is tolerable and aim for that - but tidy is crying for the moon! Enjoy this crazy phase of life - it will pass.

LindorDoubleChoc · 31/05/2023 19:03

Why are people so obsessed with the state of their houses these days? I blame bloody Instagram! When my children were younger my priorities were spending time with them, good food, clean clothes and clean bodies, a clean house up to a point. But honestly who gives a fuck if your house is untidy?

Caspianberg · 31/05/2023 19:10

Can you tag team children and home? Ie dh takes all three children for a walk to park, get ice cream etc and you have 3hrs alone to tackle something indoors. The next month you do the same and he tackles 3hrs indoors etc. So at least once a month, one of you has a morning to sort or clean or whatever is needed.

Depending on older children’s ages, age appropriate chores set from now on. Things they have to do every day to help.

Mrsmillshorse · 31/05/2023 19:10

Washing - do you run 1 or 2 loads a day? Who puts it away when dry, when does that get done? Do you have 1 or 2 drying racks? Does it dry quickly or slowly?

If you're disciplined you can put 1 wash on before you go to work, hang out when you get in. Then put another wash on overnight, hang out first thing. You need 2 drying racks.

Pile up the clean stuff in boxes per person (e.g. Kallax boxes which are cheap and fold down). Then once/twice a week put it all away.

I used to use Kallax boxes for the dirty laundry, 1 per person and that saved a lot of time because didn't need to sort it into correct wardrobe. The boxes for clean stuff were the same, each box of clean stuff would belong to just 1 person. Also easy for other people to be responsible for their own load.

A Kallax box is about 1 load of washing so it worked very well.