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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my partner to consider euthanasia for his cat?

56 replies

Olive5252 · 31/05/2023 17:24

Said cat is a 15 year old female house cat.
We saw a vet in November of last year for her chronic diarrhea. After £100s spent on tests, they came back clear. We tried pastes and food and worming tablets.
I had to really push for my partner to make the appointment, because she is his.

Fast forward 7 months. Our cat still has chronic accidents on a nearly hourly basis. She leaks when she sleeps and our carpet is covered in stains. She is skin and bone despite being fed four times per day and she no longer cleans herself so we're having to. She doesnt play or run or do anything other than sleep, poo, and eat. She has four trays and is never more than 5 feet away from a tray.

This has taken a toll on me, im not going to lie. My days have been taken over by cleaning up poo, and I feel my partner is just willing to let her go on until she passes.
He thinks she is just old and that this is normal, but I'm thinking it surely cannot be?
I don't know how to bring up euthanasia without sounding callous, but to me, she has no quality of life.

Would I be speaking out of turn by asking this?

OP posts:
bonfirebash · 31/05/2023 17:25

Not normal and distressing for the cat
Ask him if he would like to live like that

CurlewKate · 31/05/2023 17:26

No. You need to talk to him about this. He is being appallingly cruel.

CherryBlossomPants · 31/05/2023 17:26

There is absolutely no quality of life for this animal. Being a pet owner means being responsible and caring and that includes giving them a dignified death, please stop the poor cat’s suffering.

Thesunnymood · 31/05/2023 17:27

She is skin and bone despite being fed four times per day and she no longer cleans herself so we're having to. She doesnt play or run or do anything other than sleep, poo, and eat.

This is it. No other reasons matter. She is suffering. Agree with pp. No one would want to live like that so keeping obviously unwell pet alive just because is cruel

IglesiasPiggl · 31/05/2023 17:27

That poor cat. That's no life for her. Time to let her go.

stayathomer · 31/05/2023 17:28

What is the vet saying? Have they not recommended it or is he just buying whatever is needed from pet shops? I can't believe a vet wouldn't firmly say this is the end x

bonfirebash · 31/05/2023 17:29

I should add I said goodbye to my cat last week. He was eating, drinking and no accidents but he was tired, and had issues that were only going to get worse. It was a little early but he went with no pain

Crinkle77 · 31/05/2023 17:29

Poor cat. It's not fair to leave it like that. Could the vet have a word do you think?

catsnhats11 · 31/05/2023 17:31

Surprised the vet hasn't looked into this more, 15 isn't that old for a cat (or was it a rescue, could it be a lot older?) there is something wrong with this poor cat that isn't just down to old age. Usually when it's that bad a vet would gently suggest the cat is PTS

GiveupHQ · 31/05/2023 17:31

Good grief

it would be cruel if you did not progress euthanasia

stop worrying about your DP and start thinking about your poor cat and ending his misery

TonTonMacoute · 31/05/2023 17:31

They basically starve themselves to death. It is cruel not to bring it to a quick peaceful end.

I certainly couldn’t let an animal I loved suffer like that, and for cats to be soiling like that is distressing for them too.

We have had to have our two cats pts last year, they were 17. It’s so upsetting but there was no doubt it was the right thing.

GiveupHQ · 31/05/2023 17:32

Presumably you’ve been back to the vet since November?

Theskyoutsideisblue · 31/05/2023 17:33

Not normal.cats are very clean animals. Time to pts and I’d be reconsidering my relationship if he is willing to let her suffer

TiredCatLady · 31/05/2023 17:34

As you can probably tell by the name - Cat Lady here.

That poor, poor animal. If the vet genuinely hasn’t found anything specific with the tests and there are no obvious food/stress etc triggers that have improved in 7 months then another vet visit is in order. If that doesn’t come up with anything then simply: would your partner want to live like that? I know it’s a horrid choice but it really does sound like she’s suffering.

Constant accidents, weight loss and she does nothing but sleep and eat is not normal for a cat, even an ageing one. Your DP really isn’t thinking of her quality of life.

Thesunnymood · 31/05/2023 17:34

I think lots of people still believe that as long as the animal is eating all is kind of OK. Not always the case sadly

ThePensivePig · 31/05/2023 17:34

Aww bless her. It's so sad to see them like that and I'd agree her quality of life is now very poor. Sounds like it's time to kindly say goodbye.

CloudlessSunnyDays · 31/05/2023 17:35

I don't think ask is really what's needed so much as telling him how selfish he's being. Is iit the money or just that he can't bear to say good bye to her. Can you ring the vet, explain the situation and ask them to 'invite' him in for an check up.

poor wee cat

bonfirebash · 31/05/2023 17:36

bonfirebash · 31/05/2023 17:29

I should add I said goodbye to my cat last week. He was eating, drinking and no accidents but he was tired, and had issues that were only going to get worse. It was a little early but he went with no pain

Posted too soon
The vet mentioned it was coming to his time and he was in much better shape than what you are saying

MrsVeryTired · 31/05/2023 17:39

Definitely time to pts unless there's anything vet can do. A cat soiling itself regularly means its time to go Sad

My old lovely cat 😍got to about 17 and was quite poorly for a while but when she couldn't get up to use her tray I knew that was time.

Duckingella · 31/05/2023 17:42

I couldn't leave my cat in that situation;my cats are my babies and it would break me to have them PTS but equally I couldn't leave them to suffer;it's just not fair and your partner is being very selfish.

Mommasgotabrandnewbag · 31/05/2023 17:47

Is she an outdoors cat?

I'd take her to the vet one day and tell him she went out and hasn't come back.

sadsack78 · 31/05/2023 17:56

YANBU

It sounds like the poor thing has no quality of life whatsoever and is living in constant discomfort.

I think if she could talk she'd let you know she's suffering a lot, has no fun, can't enjoy cuddles or running around and more, and is ready to go.

I love my cat dearly and will be devastated when she goes but I wouldn't keep her alive in that condition for my own selfish reasons and my inability to confront reality.

AgnesX · 31/05/2023 17:57

I hope you've been back to the vet since then and haven't let the poor animal suffer for the last 6 month. It sounds like your partner has his head in the sand.

user1471442488 · 31/05/2023 17:59

Oh please let her go. The poor thing is suffering.

NotYetButSoon · 31/05/2023 17:59

Take her to the vet with your DP "to see if they can do any more for her."

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