To be utterly sick of casual sexism.

[PurposefulBear]

Honestly, I’m just sick of it. I feel like I have to spend my life proving to people that…

a) I have a serious job (that just happens to be in a male dominated world… in which the men I work with NEVER make me feel second best, it’s people outside it who seem to think it’s impossible for a women to really be achieving something aspirational or impactful)

b) I have a valid opinion on things and my decisions are just as valid as a man’s decisions. I find that the whole latent sexism spills over into so many different areas.

tbf… a lot of this comes from my in laws, especially FIL and BIL. My DH is lovely, but he’s in a job that’s seen as highly successful and he gets paid accordingly. When it comes to our lives though, I run and do everything because that’s the dynamic that ends up working best for us, I don’t mind it too much, he helps as much as he can and is a great DH/DF.

But even yesterday, talking to a complete stranger when in mum mode (ie with the kids)… the conversation turns to “so what does your husband do”… not a single question about what I do, as if it doesn’t matter, it’s just pocket money. whenever I talk to people it’s so often “oh so how is DH’s job going”, excuses for me having to manage the mental load being “oh he must be so stressed and tired”.

I don’t blame DH for this at all, it’s just seems to be that latent sexism is still everywhere. That somehow it’s ok for mums to be worked to the bone, but for their jobs still to be seen as second best to the wider world, as long as men get the recognition they deserve for all the effort they put in and the difference or reward they take out.

Rant over, is it just me??

@ToK1 so what I said is I wouldn't ask someone about their work- which means I wouldn't assume that they work or that they don't- very different from "assuming they don't work" I think you might have skim read my post.

I would treat men and women the same in those circumstances, I only said "mom mode" because the op specified that. So anyone on the school run I wouldn't assume they worked or didn't work.

I find it very disappointing that so many have experienced a complete lack of interest in their careers in social settings.

I only referred to “I”!!

and a number of other posters have the same experience as “me”

I find it manifests in many ways, for me work and people asking me about it isn't one.

@Lovingitallnow

I did skim read, fair enough

And if the OP needs any reassurance, which I highly doubt! I absolutely don’t minimise your experience.

but it is an experience myself and others on this threads do not share

I suspect as women the majority of us will all have periods when caring for others demands most of our time.

I try to ask people 'what do you like to do?' it allows everyone in a small talk situation to answer it how they chose. Sometimes people default to their big important jobs but more often it's a spring board to weird hobbies, binging box sets, feeding the ducks at lunchtime.

Tells you plenty about them... a vacant entity who assumes you are similar.

“As a few people have said , “if you look for it and find it” - it shouldn’t bloody be there in the the first place, should it? Hiding in plain sight.
I’m with you @PurposefulBear