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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tip off a clairvoyant?

76 replies

Red0 · 30/05/2023 23:18

DP has been having a really hard tome recently and has suffered the death of a loved one which he’s really cut up about and really struggling with. Someone has recommended to him a clairvoyant and he really doesn’t believe in the afterlife at all and won’t be going in with an open mind.
AIBU/a nut job to contact this clairvoyant before he visits to give her a little tip off so she says something that has him believing a little more and hopefully give him some comfort? Nothing major just like the name of who I know he wants to hear from/about and maybe another tidbit or two. He would never find out, but might make him feel better.
It’s just crossed my mind now. What do people think?

OP posts:
RoseAdage · 30/05/2023 23:20

Terrible idea, don't do it. Don't conspire with this fraudster to trick your DP into believing something untrue. Help him get some proper support instead eg a grief counsellor if he is struggling.

MissConductUS · 30/05/2023 23:20

So you're going to collude in defrauding him?

Floralnomad · 30/05/2023 23:20

YABVU , it’s beyond me why you would consider this .

Fiddlerdragon · 30/05/2023 23:20

Are you fucking serious

Luckingfovely · 30/05/2023 23:21

No, no, no, and no.

goldenlocks · 30/05/2023 23:22

Lol

Original poster
Red0 · 30/05/2023 23:22

Ohhhh…. so that’s a no then? 🙈

OP posts:
Allinadayswork80 · 30/05/2023 23:22

No absolutely not. Despite best intentions it would be very deceitful and if it ever came out he would be incredibly hurt and never trust you again. And who knows where it would end, you could end up opening a whole can of worms. He needs proper valid support and help.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 30/05/2023 23:22

No.

He needs to be allowed to process his grief, he will be feeling sad, that's a normal human reaction to a bereavement. He doesn't need a scam artist who's been tipped off lying to him.

Newusernameaug · 30/05/2023 23:23

That’s a ridiculous idea and complete and utter insult to the medium. Don’t be surprised if they cancel the booking if you attempt this. I would and know many others would refuse to see a client if this happened

MissTrip82 · 30/05/2023 23:24

These people are absolute scum, lining their pockets by defrauding grieving people.

But don’t worry they’ll say something sufficiently generic for it to be true.

Dopey2dope · 30/05/2023 23:25

This is actually pretty sickening.

I can kind of understand where you're coming from but it's not the right thing to do. It's a massive breach or trust and it's just a serious mindfuck.

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 23:26

I don’t think that lying is a good way to boost his self esteem, however much of a well-meaning place this is coming from. Can you find another way in ordinary life to help him feel a bit more cheery?

Original poster
Red0 · 30/05/2023 23:26

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 23:26

I don’t think that lying is a good way to boost his self esteem, however much of a well-meaning place this is coming from. Can you find another way in ordinary life to help him feel a bit more cheery?

@GwinCoch Erm…. cake?

OP posts:
GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 23:28

Red0 · 30/05/2023 23:26

@GwinCoch Erm…. cake?

Show quote history

Well I hate cake so wouldn’t work for me. Suggestion was more to do something to improve ordinary life, like sitting down, having an honest chat about why he hasn’t been feeling great recently and see what short and medium measures might help him feel better.

BreviloquentBastard · 30/05/2023 23:29

So you want to assist a fraudster in making a mockery of your partner's grief? And you have somehow cast yourself in the role of the good guy in this scenario?

No offence OP but on what planet would this be a good idea? I think encouraging a grieving person to see a clairvoyant is an absolute bumfuck stupid idea in the first place, but then colluding with that clairvoyant to defraud said grieving person? That's actually twisted. You need to have a word with yourself.

Original poster
Red0 · 30/05/2023 23:31

OK, so this is obviously a terrible idea. It wasn’t a well thought out plan (clearly!), I just remembered he is going next week even though he’s very skeptical and I know he won’t fall for anything they say. This idea just crossed my mind, but I have had a couple of drinks tonight so I’ll use that as an excuse for my evil thoughts of deception.
I won’t do it, please forgive me MNers!

OP posts:
Frabbits · 30/05/2023 23:31

Newusernameaug · 30/05/2023 23:23

That’s a ridiculous idea and complete and utter insult to the medium. Don’t be surprised if they cancel the booking if you attempt this. I would and know many others would refuse to see a client if this happened

"Insult to the medium"

Who the fuck cares if a fraudster gets offended?

Obviously OP shouldn't do it, and should encourage her DH to get help from an actual medical professional.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 30/05/2023 23:32

I can't believe you think this sort of deceit is acceptable.

Original poster
Red0 · 30/05/2023 23:32

BreviloquentBastard · 30/05/2023 23:29

So you want to assist a fraudster in making a mockery of your partner's grief? And you have somehow cast yourself in the role of the good guy in this scenario?

No offence OP but on what planet would this be a good idea? I think encouraging a grieving person to see a clairvoyant is an absolute bumfuck stupid idea in the first place, but then colluding with that clairvoyant to defraud said grieving person? That's actually twisted. You need to have a word with yourself.

@BreviloquentBastard Word had. Consider me told. I’ll put myself on the naughty step tomorrow…. can’t be arsed to go now, I’m in bed.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 30/05/2023 23:35

Ahh, I can sort of see why you would have this idea pop up but it has numerous implications, I actually know someone who did do this, it didn't end well at all and caused an awful lot of extra heartache and ruined relationships that were needed to help with the person's grief.

No good will come of it.

Original poster
Red0 · 30/05/2023 23:38

@TomatoSandwiches Ah, so I’m not the only f*ck up to have this thought then? LOL
That’s sad that all that happened.
I definitely won’t be making the same mistake.

OP posts:
GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 23:39

Oh I took your answer to be genuine and now from your responses to others you’re getting mardy. Not sure why you jumped on me when mine was one of the nicer replies! What I meant was that you need to unpack grief, work out what needs dealing with now and later on to help him manage his feelings. If that didn’t come across then I apologise but I didn’t need a sarcastic cake. Sorry if you’re fraught.

Webbing · 30/05/2023 23:42

Do it if you want him to end up hooked and spending all your money on repeat visits 🤣

Original poster
Red0 · 30/05/2023 23:48

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 23:39

Oh I took your answer to be genuine and now from your responses to others you’re getting mardy. Not sure why you jumped on me when mine was one of the nicer replies! What I meant was that you need to unpack grief, work out what needs dealing with now and later on to help him manage his feelings. If that didn’t come across then I apologise but I didn’t need a sarcastic cake. Sorry if you’re fraught.

@GwinCoch I was less being sarcastic and more having a laugh. Not being mardy either, wasn’t even aware my replies came across that way. I didn’t jump on you at all, I was just joking.
I haven’t been plotting this for weeks, it was just a thought that crossed my mind, so asked on here if AIBU to think it, and the general consensus here is that yes I am, so I’m more than happy to accept that. Rather than being sarcastic or mardy, I’m saying yes you’re all right!
Thanks for your well meaning advice.

OP posts: