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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Isolating two yo

66 replies

Hewasjusttalking · 30/05/2023 20:57

So hypothetical situation but if a two year old was kept isolated from other children … not from daily life but no nursery or groups or play dates … would that be harmful to their development?

OP posts:
SchoolShenanigans · 30/05/2023 21:00

Yes, I think so. Whilst they tend to parallel play at that age, they do learn a lot from each other. I think only being around adults would be quite limiting for a young child.

NatMoz · 30/05/2023 21:02

This was me and i was apparently feral when i went to nursery at 3. I bit children, I didn't know how to share, i even have a memory of pushing a girl off a bike as i wanted it due to having a bell. I bit children in reception too if they didn't do what i said...

I'm normal now 😂

Original poster
Hewasjusttalking · 30/05/2023 21:03

NatMoz · 30/05/2023 21:02

This was me and i was apparently feral when i went to nursery at 3. I bit children, I didn't know how to share, i even have a memory of pushing a girl off a bike as i wanted it due to having a bell. I bit children in reception too if they didn't do what i said...

I'm normal now 😂

you’ve described my 2yo to a point Blush

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 30/05/2023 21:05

That is normal behaviour for a 2yo.

Ideally I think they do need contact with people outside the family. What's the reason for isolating? Health issues?

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/05/2023 21:18

I think it was relatively normal before moneyspinners began convincing parents that various £££ baby groups and activities were fundamental for their babies’ development and future social skills. It might make it a little more challenging for the child to accustom when they start reception and have to learn that they aren’t the centre of the universe but I doubt it’s going to irreversibly harm their development.

Tigofigo · 30/05/2023 21:20

We've evolved to grow up in communities, so even if your DC hadn't played with children the exact same age I'd imagine it would be good for their development to be around other children. But the most important relationships in the early years are with the primary caregivers

Sprinkles211 · 30/05/2023 21:22

Yes I'd go as far as saying it's actually detrimental for them not to at that age. They learn so much from each other xx

TeaKitten · 30/05/2023 21:23

I don’t no if it would harm their development - that probably depends on the rest of their surroundings. But it doesn’t encourage some important areas of their development.

Overthebow · 30/05/2023 21:28

Yes I think it would. At 2 they need to be around other children, learning to share and play with others. They learn so much at nursery and toddler groups.

Beezknees · 30/05/2023 21:30

I don't know about harmful but I think it's important for them to learn to share and play with other children. My DS is an only child and nursery was a great thing for him.

Is there a reason you're asking?

ItsCalledAConversation · 30/05/2023 21:30

Yes, psychological research shows absolutely children need to develop relationships with others - both children and also secure bonds with adults aside from their main caregiver. Read about child development and attachment if you’re unsure. This doesn’t mean they have to go to nursery class or daycare, but does mean they need regular interaction with people outside their home in order to develop normally.

FWIW I don’t think biting to get what you want is normal behaviour for a 2 year old.

ohtowinthelottery · 30/05/2023 21:34

When did it become the norm for children to go to nursery/playgroups though?

I didn't go to anything until I started school at the age of 4 - which was not unusual all those years ago. (I'm talking 1960's) I did have 2 older siblings though so not entirely without contact with other children - but not with any of the same age. Pretty sure I didn't bite or push when I started school. I was a bit of a goody two shoes really!

Original poster
Hewasjusttalking · 30/05/2023 21:35

I went to playgroup in the 80s, not sure before that.

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 30/05/2023 21:36

ohtowinthelottery · 30/05/2023 21:34

When did it become the norm for children to go to nursery/playgroups though?

I didn't go to anything until I started school at the age of 4 - which was not unusual all those years ago. (I'm talking 1960's) I did have 2 older siblings though so not entirely without contact with other children - but not with any of the same age. Pretty sure I didn't bite or push when I started school. I was a bit of a goody two shoes really!

That was 60 years ago!!! Lots has changed about the world since then, we’ve learnt loads about the world, medicine, space, child development… it’s been the norm for quite a long time for children to go to nursery. Some kids do fine without mixing with others, others benefit from the interaction with peers from a younger age.

JustKeepSlimming · 30/05/2023 21:37

ohtowinthelottery · 30/05/2023 21:34

When did it become the norm for children to go to nursery/playgroups though?

I didn't go to anything until I started school at the age of 4 - which was not unusual all those years ago. (I'm talking 1960's) I did have 2 older siblings though so not entirely without contact with other children - but not with any of the same age. Pretty sure I didn't bite or push when I started school. I was a bit of a goody two shoes really!

I went to playgroup aged 4, but before that I would have spent time with the children of neighbours or friends of my mum who called round during the day or whatever. I don't think children were isolated before playgroups and nurseries came along.

meditated · 30/05/2023 21:39

First years the relationship with primary care giver would be the most important.
Peer socialising is important from 3yo on.

With the pandemic restrictions lasting two years give and take there are lot of babies who grew fairly isolated.

MintyIguana · 30/05/2023 21:43

My initial reaction was yes it must be harmful but then I reread your post. I grew up in a very rural isolated environment. No play dates etc though I did have a sibling at home. Tried a local playgroup once and absolutely hated it. Went to school at reception and I think i turned out pretty normal. Need my me time but make friendships easily. And I never bit anyone!

JenniferBarkley · 30/05/2023 21:47

I think up until two, spending time with other DC will benefit them, but I don't think not doing so will harm them iykwim. Mine have both been at nursery from about ten months and benefited from the social interactions. I think from about 2/2.5 they really would have been missing out without that in some form.

Motherofalittledragon · 30/05/2023 21:51

NatMoz · 30/05/2023 21:02

This was me and i was apparently feral when i went to nursery at 3. I bit children, I didn't know how to share, i even have a memory of pushing a girl off a bike as i wanted it due to having a bell. I bit children in reception too if they didn't do what i said...

I'm normal now 😂

You sound like one of my DC 😵‍💫

Original poster
Hewasjusttalking · 30/05/2023 21:54

Hard to know. Mine doesn’t appear to like other children much. Does show some enthusiasm for some friends but then it quickly turns to altercations and I seem to spend most/all of ‘social’ time stopping fights breaking out. A tad exhausting and is it worth the effort …?

OP posts:
Sissynova · 30/05/2023 21:54

Your phrasing in the OP sounds very strange. Why is he being ‘kept isolated’? Your wording makes it sound very purposeful.

Playgroups/nursery school were completely common place in the 80s and 90s.
Baby and toddler classes might be a newly popular thing, they aren’t strictly necessary for development but socialisation is.
In the past there were more casual opportunities for children to engage with each other, people had a lot more children, they lived closer to family, neighbours were friends etc.

JenniferBarkley · 30/05/2023 21:56

Hewasjusttalking · 30/05/2023 21:54

Hard to know. Mine doesn’t appear to like other children much. Does show some enthusiasm for some friends but then it quickly turns to altercations and I seem to spend most/all of ‘social’ time stopping fights breaking out. A tad exhausting and is it worth the effort …?

Tbh I think that's normal to some extent - that's how they learn to play together, by doing it really really badly so adults step in and then eventually they can do it solo.

Original poster
Hewasjusttalking · 30/05/2023 21:58

I hope you’re right! Sometimes I think it’s normal and then no one else seems to be hovering nervously over their child all of the time!

OP posts:
Kingdedede · 30/05/2023 22:01

From what I’ve read the year older than my DD so now 5 year olds have suffered the worse from lockdown so that would be that age, I think it depends on if we are talking about closer to 24 months or 36 months, if it’s the latter I think they are more need of being with other little ones.

Smartiepants79 · 30/05/2023 22:04

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/05/2023 21:18

I think it was relatively normal before moneyspinners began convincing parents that various £££ baby groups and activities were fundamental for their babies’ development and future social skills. It might make it a little more challenging for the child to accustom when they start reception and have to learn that they aren’t the centre of the universe but I doubt it’s going to irreversibly harm their development.

This is true to a point but i do think that we tend to live much more isolated lives nowadays which changes things a bit.
It was perhaps more common to live in more extended families with more siblings, cousins, grandparents and neighbours involved than we do nowadays.
I believe playgroups and some time spent in nursery or preschool to be beneficial to children.