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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Isolating two yo

66 replies

Hewasjusttalking · 30/05/2023 20:57

So hypothetical situation but if a two year old was kept isolated from other children … not from daily life but no nursery or groups or play dates … would that be harmful to their development?

OP posts:
FairAcre · 30/05/2023 22:06

It’s important to mix with other children too so they pick up all the normal childhood illnesses. It builds up their immune systems.

Jellyx · 30/05/2023 22:06

Yes- 100% that is damaging.
Toddlers especially need to learn how to make friends. Research says if you can't make friends by age 4 then you'll have lifelong problems

brownbin · 30/05/2023 22:10

It won't do them any harm.

Studies have shown that in infancy, the most important and crucial relationships for children are positive ones with their caregivers. They learn everything they need to from you.

3 years onwards are when children should be encouraged to socialise.

carpool · 30/05/2023 22:26

When I grew up (mid 1950's onwards) most children did not go to nursery/playgroup but were at home with mum who were mostly SAHP. If it was damaging then most of my generation would be damaged which I would say is not the case.

TeaKitten · 30/05/2023 22:31

carpool · 30/05/2023 22:26

When I grew up (mid 1950's onwards) most children did not go to nursery/playgroup but were at home with mum who were mostly SAHP. If it was damaging then most of my generation would be damaged which I would say is not the case.

But at that time staying home was the norm, so you were all on a level playing field which is why it wasn’t damaging. But now the norm is to attend playgrounds or childcare so those who don’t could be at a disadvantage. I don’t think it’s always a disadvantage but it can’t be.

VestaTilley · 30/05/2023 22:41

Yes it would, very harmful.

They learn so much through exploring, play and socialisation with others. If they’re not at nursery then parents need to take them regularly to play groups or baby groups.

Don’t ever isolate a child.

bigTillyMint · 30/05/2023 22:47

BertieBotts · 30/05/2023 21:05

That is normal behaviour for a 2yo.

Ideally I think they do need contact with people outside the family. What's the reason for isolating? Health issues?

Biting other children isn’t normal behaviour for all 2yo’s.

Playgroups were normal in the 60s.

Lots of Reception/Y1 children are struggling socially at school due to both Covid/lockdowns and the Tories pulling the plug on funding for Sure Start, etc. Small children need to learn social skills as well as academic, physical and other skills.

Overthebow · 31/05/2023 05:27

I wouldn’t say biting is normal either. My dd has been at nursery for 2 years now and has only been bitten once, and hasnt bitten anyone herself.

A year ago when she was almost 2 when out I couldn’t tell which similar age kids went to nursery and which didn’t, it didn’t really matter at that age. Now she’s almost 3 I can really tell. Socialisation at that age is so important.

Beezknees · 31/05/2023 07:25

Hewasjusttalking · 30/05/2023 21:54

Hard to know. Mine doesn’t appear to like other children much. Does show some enthusiasm for some friends but then it quickly turns to altercations and I seem to spend most/all of ‘social’ time stopping fights breaking out. A tad exhausting and is it worth the effort …?

Of course you have to put in the effort. At some point he'll be going to school (I assume). If he's had no contact with other children before that he's not going to have a clue how to share, play, etc.

Willmafrockfit · 31/05/2023 07:29

i think 2 is ok
but playgroups start or used to start at 2 and a half
so by 3 better to be socialising.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 31/05/2023 07:41

It depends imo. If you are a sahp but you and DC have a daily outing to a playground, one o clock club etc that's one thing - I think it'd be fine. Stuck mainly at home with one parent for company? Likely not fine.

SparklyBlackKitten · 31/05/2023 07:56

I can only imagine these pandemic babys born in 2020 that are now unsociable toddlers that don't know how to share or how to behave and be civilised 😬

Socialisation is how kids learn. You dont learn anything from being separated from others except for "the world revolves around me and I make the rules"

Your kid sounds like she could use contact with kids that are maybe a year (or 2) older than her so they can teach her how to socialise and behave.

Original poster
Hewasjusttalking · 31/05/2023 08:59

The issue is, we’ve socialised from the start but just doesn’t seem to like the company or other kids. So wondering if it might be best to take a step back from social type activities for a few months.

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 31/05/2023 09:14

OP, have you spoken to your Health Visitor or GP about your concerns?

Original poster
Hewasjusttalking · 31/05/2023 09:19

They say no concerns, just a normal phase. Which is fair enough but it’s obviously not very nice for other children, it’s not for him if he’s not enjoying whatever we’re doing and it isn’t enjoyable for me if I’m constantly having to stop him shoving and hitting, just embarrassing Blush

OP posts:
Overthebow · 31/05/2023 09:23

What do you do when he hits and shoves other children? Have you tried taking him away every time until he calms down and then bringing him back in to apologise?

Overthebow · 31/05/2023 09:24

Mine went through a phase when she just turned 2 of hitting when she didn't want to share, and I consistently did that and she quickly got the message and now hardly ever does it.

Original poster
Hewasjusttalking · 31/05/2023 09:28

@Overthebow one of the problems is he doesn’t necessarily seem worked up. Sometimes he is but sometimes just seems to be shoving for the hell of it. I do intervene and usually manage to physically stop him pushing but every so often I’m not fast enough. Always apologise profusely and die a little inside. Say no, firmly, we don’t push, he ignores, tries to shove past me to push. Removing him from the situation does create that physical thing where he can’t push but also means he isn’t doing whatever we’re meant to be doing so seems sometimes like doing it is pointless if you’re following this …

This has been going on for a year now so not really a phase 😭

OP posts:
Overthebow · 31/05/2023 09:32

Hewasjusttalking · 31/05/2023 09:28

@Overthebow one of the problems is he doesn’t necessarily seem worked up. Sometimes he is but sometimes just seems to be shoving for the hell of it. I do intervene and usually manage to physically stop him pushing but every so often I’m not fast enough. Always apologise profusely and die a little inside. Say no, firmly, we don’t push, he ignores, tries to shove past me to push. Removing him from the situation does create that physical thing where he can’t push but also means he isn’t doing whatever we’re meant to be doing so seems sometimes like doing it is pointless if you’re following this …

This has been going on for a year now so not really a phase 😭

Removing him isn't pointless though, it's only for a few mins and then he can re-join and he can apologise to the other child himself, even if it's just a short 'sorry'. If you consistently do that every time he should learn that it's not acceptable and he will have consequences of missing a bit for the activity. You hopefully won't have to do it very often once he's learnt it!

Sugarfree23 · 31/05/2023 09:33

ComtesseDeSpair · 30/05/2023 21:18

I think it was relatively normal before moneyspinners began convincing parents that various £££ baby groups and activities were fundamental for their babies’ development and future social skills. It might make it a little more challenging for the child to accustom when they start reception and have to learn that they aren’t the centre of the universe but I doubt it’s going to irreversibly harm their development.

I don't think it ever was normal to isolate kids.
Playgroups, like the type you get in church halls, have been around for decades - probably as long as the halls have been around.

During the post war years many mums didn't work so had a more informal network of friends and family where kids would socialise.

It was also a thing for older girls to play 'big sister' and take toddlers out for a walk in their buggy.

The paid baby groups have come about because more people are isolated from family and more mums work, so mums on mat leave are using groups to build a network of mum friends

jannier · 31/05/2023 09:34

Of course it would be.....and their physical health because they would have low natural immunity.
We know post Covid these children will have long lasting developmental issues from not meeting others or being exposed to things.
Why would anyone want to isolate a child unless it's health related?

jannier · 31/05/2023 09:36

Hewasjusttalking · 30/05/2023 21:58

I hope you’re right! Sometimes I think it’s normal and then no one else seems to be hovering nervously over their child all of the time!

Read about helicopter parenting.

Original poster
Hewasjusttalking · 31/05/2023 09:38

It’s pretty persistent though @Overthebow , it’s not like he’s pushing once and is removed and then doesn’t do it again. If only.

@jannier … what?

OP posts:
jannier · 31/05/2023 09:38

Hewasjusttalking · 31/05/2023 09:19

They say no concerns, just a normal phase. Which is fair enough but it’s obviously not very nice for other children, it’s not for him if he’s not enjoying whatever we’re doing and it isn’t enjoyable for me if I’m constantly having to stop him shoving and hitting, just embarrassing Blush

But it is normal and most children will go through it.

Original poster
Hewasjusttalking · 31/05/2023 09:39

I hope so @jannier , it just seems to have been such a long phase. I’m wondering if I might be best taking him out of nursery for a while and avoiding trigger situations but it’s hard to know if that’s going to do more harm than good.

OP posts: