Isolating two yo

[Hewasjusttalking]

So hypothetical situation but if a two year old was kept isolated from other children … not from daily life but no nursery or groups or play dates … would that be harmful to their development?

A few posh people's mother's and tots groups, neighbours children etc ...and school was the term after you turned 5 misbehave and got the Cain. The few going to school nursery still slept for the prescribed 2 hours in the afternoon. Children turned out in care of siblings was also common....and you learn not to bite your siblings because they would slap you back.....and your parents were told to bite back ....prescribed by HVs etc.

How is their speech?

My son went through about an 18 month phase of hitting anyone in his personal space, he had great speech and was quite socially aware. I remember stopping going to softplay etc for a while after another mum screamed at me for my DS hitting her son it was awful and I was trying to stop him, made him apologise etc (all while holding his newborn brother). He reached 3.5/4 and was the most calm sweet and understanding little boy so no idea what happened.

I would keep on with nursery, they will have strategies to deal with things like this - I work in a nursery and there hasn't been a child we haven't been able to calm down from doing this. Just have to keep a very close eye, one we have a dummy too at key parts of the day etc.

Children don't need a nursery but they do benefit from time with others like toddler groups. Some children move through it quickly others can be months. Having a good lower I'm not happy voice helps if you use your normal tone it's harder for them to tell you mean it. "Argh no biting" and swift move them away action, but loads of praise when playing nicely helps too. Nurseries obviously find this harder as they can't be one to one.

He’s fairly average speech wise, not amazing but definitely not behind either, has loads of words and puts then into sentences but fairly basic ones.

Nursery have been really good but I know myself it’s quite hard to get him to ‘drop’ something if you like. Sometimes it’s understandable if a child tries to take a toy or something but sometimes he will just try to push for absolutely no reason. Well, I guess there’s a reason but it just looks like he sees a child walking and tries to give them a push.

@jannier i do, honestly. I am a primary school teacher, i thought I had a fairly good firm teacher voice but he won’t respond to just a voice, you have to physically stop him.

It will be persistent I'm afraid that's normal too. It takes awhile for them to process things like sharing because they are not used to having to.....in most families you give your baby what they want pretty much as soon as they want it so suddenly coming across a little being as important as you is a big shock.

I disagree. It might have been "normal" as in it was what happened but that doesn't mean it was right. Why would anyone think it normal to isolate your child? Then they'd wonder why their child can't communicate well with their peers!

I haven’t isolated him @cornflakesandtea … it is something I’m contemplating in a vague sense. Or less dramatically just keeping him out of nursery and not going to groups and the like where he’s likely to start acting like Reggie Kray’s love child!

I didn't mean to offend, I was just using your wording from your OP. I'm very sure you haven't been "isolating" him as in keeping him totally alone!

No sorry I was probably a bit vehement then! I just wanted to emphasise I’ve tried to ‘socialise’ him as much as possible but he does seem far too physical with other kids - I don’t want to say aggressive as I know this age they don’t know but it sort of is as well.

It’s a really tough question, yes children benefit from socialising with their peers, but only if they’re comfortable with the setting. You sound like a really attentive parent, and are clearly doing your best to give your child a safe opportunity to mix with others, but to me it sounds like your child is a little overwhelmed by the current setting. Not every child is super social, my eldest doesn’t get aggressive when overwhelmed, but he is uncomfortable with groups of his peers, so soft play at busy times is out of the question.

There is a lot of pressure on families nowadays to opt for more formal social interactions, partly due to families being isolated from ‘their village’, and a bit of wanting to do what everyone else does. My eldest (almost 4) has always been a bit anti-social, he gets it from me, and while he doesn’t lash out, he makes it clear that he’s not happy in large groups of his peers. He is happy with older girls, or one on one with a familiar child, so we do what we can to minimise stressors and make it as enjoyable as possible.

When your watching your child, before things escalate, look for the warning signs, and what leads up to the behaviour, and then try and change the behaviour before it happens. Some of the rowdier behaviour could be an outlet for excess energy, I would take the pressure off playing with the children, and focus more on building his confidence to play in the same space as them. If you’re out, keep his attention on you, and try and tire him out, games like running, jumping or spinning will help give sensory feedback, and keep his attention from the others.

It’s tough, but some children just need a bit more guidance when it comes to socialising.

Complete isolation probibly would be detrimental, but that doesn't mean you need to do playgroup & nursery. Occasional playdates with cousins or your friends kids, playing with other kids who happen to be in the park, doing activities alongside other families still gives opportunities to observe and learn from other kids.

OP do the other children ever shove him back or “fight” him for the toy, etc?

Depends on what you mean by isolated. Literally no contact at all due to remote living or just no formal contact but see children at the park, occasionally family events etc. the latter was the norm, kids didn't do formal activities until school at 5 but they played with siblings, cousins, neighbours children and hoc. The former is less common but children are raised in isolated places with little social contact and are just fine long term as long as they get parental contact (have friends who as children rarely left their sheep station and were educated remotely in Australia until 14 when they went to stay with relatives in the city (culture shock or what!) they had each other but next family was 50km away!

I do suspect some of the "children need to be with other children" information is put out partly by the child care industry and partly to make working parents feel better. All the research i have seen says that up to 3 formal child groups do not offer any particular benefit to children over being cared for at home. From 3 there is a benefit to part time nursery/playgroup but that isn't that pronounced (hence why most governments do not fund universally). Mine did pt until school, I think that was a good balance. I read a lot of information trying to decide what was best for mine

You just need to keep on....nursery will be used to it and if they can't handle it they need to ask for early support.....but that would be in extreme cases.