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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not pay this back

57 replies

moneyquestion22 · 30/05/2023 16:46

very outing but whatever. i am really quite upset by this.
family member bought tickets to a big event a few hours away as a gift. i am broke - 2 under 2 and currently on mat leave (smp) i have a 0 hour contract and have been told there’s probably no hours to go back to so god knows what my life looks like in july onward. family member knows this. regardless the event is something i absolutely love and know she spent a lot on tickets for so i said ok screw it i’ll find a way to slot it into the budget since the main ticket was a gift.

booked coach for a fiver, and found a cheap hotel. family member then last minute got all funny about the coach and how we’d be late etc etc (we wouldn’t) and how it made it less fun. i didn’t want to argue so agreed we’d change journey there to a train. 30 quid extra out of pocket.

got there and had a great time but then the public transport was insane and blocked off for ages on the way back to the hotel. checked uber and it said it would be a tenner so i said ok let’s just split it i can work with that. by the time we’d walked to somewhere the uber could access we checked again and it said £30. family member started arguing with me saying we should have stayed at the train stop and just waited. we had a huge falling out last year so i didn’t want to risk arguing and just said ok split the taxi whatever. by the time she booked it it went to £40. i said actually no i can’t afford/justify that let’s leave it so we went to nearby bar to warm up before planning to walk back to the train stop. family member booked the taxi anyway and basically just said it’s here get in.

said to me on the way home remember to transfer the taxi money. then texted me earlier saying send me £20. i haven’t replied because i am actually quite upset. this is a close family member who is well aware that her one wage (not including her husbands) is almost double my entire household income and she has no kids or nursery fees etc to worry about. i panic when the formula tub starts to get low. i literally don’t have £20 to my name i genuinely have £1.04 in my bank right now and my mat pay stops next month.

i just don’t even know what to say i just feel hurt that she has no idea how big a deal £20 is in my position. i went to the event with intentions to budget and now i’m £30 down from the train and she wants £20 for a taxi i agreed to cancel. wibu to just ignore her.

OP posts:
mainsfed · 31/05/2023 15:33

Pay her the £20 and never allow her to put you in this situation again.

orangesoda36 · 31/05/2023 19:16

Bargellobitch · 30/05/2023 17:09

I'd just say you will pay half back but things a very tight right now so you'll have to wait for some cash to come in.

Obviously nothing you can do about it now but having a second child while other one is under 2 and on a 0 hour contract seems like it wasn't a sensible decision. So maybe your family member feels it's also not fair for her to take on paying for stuff because you left yourself short.

Bitch indeed hey

Bargellobitch · 31/05/2023 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bertiesmum3 · 11/11/2023 08:40

moneyquestion22 · 30/05/2023 17:59

exactly. i budgeted for it. i could afford it the way i’d budgeted but she doesn’t seem to understand the concept that not everyone has money to blow spontaneously at the last minute.

If going somewhere it’s difficult to actually stick to a definite budget because prices and situations change as proved to you already!
we always state a budget but have emergency funds for just in case moments like you’ve had

NigellaAwesome · 11/11/2023 20:59

She probably doesn't understand what 'broke' actually means for you. I second telling her what your bank balance is and that you will pay it back, but it will be in dribs and drabs. I would also reiterate that was why you didn't want to get a taxi, because you genuinely couldn't afford it.

If she doesn't write £20 off having heard that, then you know what sort of a person she is. Hopefully your DSis has a bit more empathy than Bargellobitch Hmm

NigellaAwesome · 11/11/2023 21:00

Gah! I've fallen for a Zombie thread Blush

Hankunamatata · 11/11/2023 21:05

She doesn't understand how broke you are.

Perhaps she thinks you have more money than you do choosing to have two under 2 or she has forgotten how expensive kids are or has never had zero hours contracts

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