to not pay this back

[moneyquestion22]

very outing but whatever. i am really quite upset by this.
family member bought tickets to a big event a few hours away as a gift. i am broke - 2 under 2 and currently on mat leave (smp) i have a 0 hour contract and have been told there’s probably no hours to go back to so god knows what my life looks like in july onward. family member knows this. regardless the event is something i absolutely love and know she spent a lot on tickets for so i said ok screw it i’ll find a way to slot it into the budget since the main ticket was a gift.

booked coach for a fiver, and found a cheap hotel. family member then last minute got all funny about the coach and how we’d be late etc etc (we wouldn’t) and how it made it less fun. i didn’t want to argue so agreed we’d change journey there to a train. 30 quid extra out of pocket.

got there and had a great time but then the public transport was insane and blocked off for ages on the way back to the hotel. checked uber and it said it would be a tenner so i said ok let’s just split it i can work with that. by the time we’d walked to somewhere the uber could access we checked again and it said £30. family member started arguing with me saying we should have stayed at the train stop and just waited. we had a huge falling out last year so i didn’t want to risk arguing and just said ok split the taxi whatever. by the time she booked it it went to £40. i said actually no i can’t afford/justify that let’s leave it so we went to nearby bar to warm up before planning to walk back to the train stop. family member booked the taxi anyway and basically just said it’s here get in.

said to me on the way home remember to transfer the taxi money. then texted me earlier saying send me £20. i haven’t replied because i am actually quite upset. this is a close family member who is well aware that her one wage (not including her husbands) is almost double my entire household income and she has no kids or nursery fees etc to worry about. i panic when the formula tub starts to get low. i literally don’t have £20 to my name i genuinely have £1.04 in my bank right now and my mat pay stops next month.

i just don’t even know what to say i just feel hurt that she has no idea how big a deal £20 is in my position. i went to the event with intentions to budget and now i’m £30 down from the train and she wants £20 for a taxi i agreed to cancel. wibu to just ignore her.

If you couldn't afford to go you shouldn't have gone.

Just say no, you told her you couldn’t afford it and she went ahead anyway. That’s down to her.

If you don't want to fall out i probably wouldn't ignore her but you could reply and say you don't have £20 which you told her at the time. Next time be firmer with what you can/can't afford and stick to your original plan.

You should pay it back, even in installments, £1 a week even because like hell would I have someone like that lording it over me.
Then I'd block her she sounds high maintenance and stingy.

The problem is that whatever you said you then got in and benefitted from the ride so you have to pay. I think you are probably equally as annoyed with yourself as with her

Tell them you can’t afford to pay £20 at the moment. Say that you had not agreed to a taxi and that they went against what you had agreed. If they insist on repayment then say that you’ll pay them back when you can afford it or offer it in instalments. Next time don’t agree to anything with this person unless you can definitely afford it and have a back up.

yeah i am annoyed at myself i was just so tired and wanted to get to bed as it had been a long day (and also first night ever away from my children and my phone was dead so i was quite anxious and just wanted to be able to charge it and check on them 😅). i love her but she just is totally clueless to what life looks like on smp

I'd just say you will pay half back but things a very tight right now so you'll have to wait for some cash to come in.

Obviously nothing you can do about it now but having a second child while other one is under 2 and on a 0 hour contract seems like it wasn't a sensible decision. So maybe your family member feels it's also not fair for her to take on paying for stuff because you left yourself short.

As someone else has said offer to pay £1 a month

She could afford to go. She just couldn't afford the taxi home which she said. But the CF booked one anyway and then just expected OP to pay.

Is it your older sister by any chance?

Just tell her "no I can't afford it and i tokd you that at the time. End of story."

exactly. i budgeted for it. i could afford it the way i’d budgeted but she doesn’t seem to understand the concept that not everyone has money to blow spontaneously at the last minute.

yes older sister. i feel like this is so outing i don’t think she uses mumsnet but still i really don’t want beef with her i just feel honestly quite panicked about the whole thing. like it’s either go into my overdraft which is already just about maxed out and i really need for other things like food and formula and nappies or have an argument with her and i’m not sure what’s worse.

also those saying pay her in instalments of £1 at a time i just feel like it’s so humiliating for me i feel like such a failure as it is career/financially wise and to pay back my sister £1 a month is kind of humiliating

I wouldn't see it as humiliating. It's just life, and some people are clueless about how little others survive on.

My baby number 2 turned out to be twins, so when I went back to work I earned £20 a week after childcare and petrol, so had to be quite blunt to friends who wanted to go out for lunch etc... as I just couldn't afford it!

Just message your sister, say you're happy to pay your half, but when you told her at the time you couldn't afford it, you really meant it, so as you only have £1.04 in your bank account at the moment, is it OK if you pay her back £2 a week?

If she gets pissy about it, then hopefully karma one day will strike and she will eventually realise what it is like to have to budget so carefully!

@moneyquestion22 I thought as much about it being your older sister.

Look, if you think she might get angry with you over it, just ring her up, say "I don't want to fall out with you over the money, but things are really tight for us at the minute with me being on SMP. I'm embarrassed to have to tell you this but I didn't want you to know the ins and outs of our situation. Id really appreciate it if you could cover the cab for me because I really had carefully budgeted for the night out and told you at the time i coudlnt afford it."

Don't let her bully you or make you feel bad. And if she still comes back asking for the money, she's a bullshitter and not on half as much as she makes out. What sort of well off sister (after finding out her sibling is struggling for money) badgers her for 20 quid?!

Well, how much do you want to fall out over £5? You agreed at £30 (so £15 each), and then it was £5 more.

If money is that tight, say so and pay £10 now and £10 later.

She’s being unreasonable, not you!

You shouldn't have got into the taxi, or at the least when it turned up you should have said "I told you I can't afford it so I won't be paying you" and let her make that decision.

That being said she's totally out of order.

My reply would probably be that you can't pay it right now and you'll have to give it her back if and when you can (maybe add that it won't be for a long time) if she insists.

You have not got the money so stop worrying about giving her something you haven't got.
She sounds very self centred to not have some empathy with your situation.
She is not better than you,she has no grounds to think she has accomplished more than you and vice versa,you have two beautiful children whom you've invested your life in,that's a huge accomplishment.
Tell her bluntly you are broke .end of.

As an older sister with a higher income than my younger sister, I think your sister is being a dick. In our family it would never be asked for but at some point in the future, when times are easier, it would be reciprocated automatically

Oh, very nice. I bet you feel very satisfied with yourself for that dreadful comment.

She's your sister. Ring her and tell her you enjoyed the night out but you are so broke you don't know how you can buy nappies this week. Tell her you have £1.04 left this week but you will pay her back for taxi at £2 each month. Any loving sister would apologise to you and tell you to forget the taxi money. Don't just not communicate with your sister because your relationship is worth a hell of a lot more than £40.

Yep, just let her know that things are really tough right now, can she wait until you return to work and you will repay in full or treat her to the same amount in another way. Spell out how much SMP is. Better to be pretty blunt about why you can't afford it right now.

Some people are shockingly weird when it comes to money! I can’t image demanding my sister pay £20 especially if I was in a good financial situation, it doesn’t make any sense to me.

If I was in your situation I’d tell her I can’t repay it in full but I will send whatever I can afford when I can afford it.

Your sister is being an idiot. If it were me I’d write this off. The only time I wouldn’t (and I don’t lend my DB money) is if happened again and again and I was expected not to be paid back.

Siblings get very strange about money and what’s owed to them and paid ourt (my SIL and her DB but that’s to do with a flat they both own yet he’s hardly paid anything towards).