Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Signed off work

59 replies

misssunshine4040 · 29/05/2023 16:56

AIBU to ask to be signed off work from a job where my role is critical to the running of business and I've only be at 6 months?
I have had the year from hell including having to move myself and kids into temp accommodation to escape domestic violence, moving into new rented property and some other personal issues that have been very stressful to cope with.
I have suffered panic attacks and I over eat to the point I have put on 3 stone.
I am constantly fatigued, drained and have joint pain.
My work take a dim view of those off for me mental health reasons and they have always been managed out and I'm worried my card will be marked.
My role is vital and my team are short staffed as is it and although this is the businesses issue not mine, I feel so guilty about the thought of leaving them a mess.

OP posts:
FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 29/05/2023 17:05

I think that you need to make the best decision for you but with the understanding that it is possible, maybe even probable that you will lose your job. With only 6 months service you have very few legal protections unless you can prove you are being let go because of a protected characteristic. If they are desperate for staff and you would be off for a while then it would potentially be easier and cheaper to backfill your role.

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/05/2023 17:08

That's my worry. I am a single parent and I have bills that I doubt sick pay would cover.

OP posts:
peacelemon · 29/05/2023 17:13

Speak to the GP. Either you are too sick to be working or you aren't. They might agree to say you are fit to work provided you can wfh or don't do heavy lifting, is there anything like that might work? Eg. No phones for 2 weeks

peacelemon · 29/05/2023 17:14

Joint pain could being able to take a 5 minutes break every hour help?

Twiglets1 · 29/05/2023 17:16

I would personally work at a place a bit longer before trying to get signed off with stress. Sorry, I do have sympathy for you but I'm being honest.

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/05/2023 17:18

I work in a role that can't be done from home. I also sit at a desk so it's not about resting for joint pain.

OP posts:
SchoolShenanigans · 29/05/2023 17:28

What are you hoping the time off will achieve? Can you ask to temporarily reduce your hours instead?

It sounds like you've been through a lot but I'm not sure what a few weeks/months off will achieve, especially as it undoubtedly will affect your work, which I'd imagine you're pretty reliant on now.

Iyiyiiii · 29/05/2023 17:30

I think if you get signed off, you will lose your job,

You're best off looking for another job that fits you better.
What do you do? Maybe the mn hivemind can help you

Start here
What parts of your job do you like the best?
Which do you hate?

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/05/2023 17:51

I will out myself if I say what I do but I manage a small team in a hospitality setting.
I get well paid for what I do. I work shifts but would prefer to work 9-5 Mon to Friday to help me with a routine and spend more time with my young child at the weekend.
I enjoy my job.
Time off would help me have time to process what's happened and to recover from being completely burnt out and fried and to be honest there's a lot of stuff that led up to recent events.
I know this is a luxury I can't really afford though.

OP posts:
RuddyLaura · 29/05/2023 17:54

Good advice above to see if can temporarily reduce hours and looking for a different job if you don't think they'll be supportive. Try to be as positive as you can - show how much you love the job and want to do your best. Do everything you can to show them that you'll be a loyal and long term member of staff if they support you through this. It's a temporary situation. Do they actually know your circumstances? They might be more supportive if they know you are genuinely trying your best. They might be critical of people who go off because of weak reasons. Yours aren't. You're dealing with massive life events and deserve support. Show them you know that.

Gather as much support as you can, counselling, self care - hugely important. Show work you know what to do to look after your mental health and that reduced hours will help you stay healthy. Try to be as helpful as you can to help your colleagues out when you are in work. Let them know you're grateful for their support and that it works both ways.

As far as joint pain is concerned, if you're sitting, try to get up and move around as often as you can. Increase gentle exercise and walking, time outside. I don't know how old you are but have you checked if you are peri-menopausal? Hrt might fix the joint pain.

But if you are too ill to work, you are too ill to work, and carrying on til you break might mean it will take longer to recover. Be kind to yourself and look after your mental health first and foremost. You may need to cut back expenses, but your sanity is worth everything, and you will bounce back. You may also be eligible for top up benefits.

MrsJBaptiste · 29/05/2023 17:55

My work take a dim view of those off for me mental health reasons and they have always been managed out and I'm worried my card will be marked

Have you been managed out before?
Or is just what you know about the company?

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/05/2023 17:58

I've never been off sick ( except covid and the once a year bad flu type thing) or taken any kind of sick leave before in any role.
I've never had mental health issues.
My work know what happened and I just got on with it despite how desperate I was feeling.
I have seen others managed out in this company though

OP posts:
RuddyLaura · 29/05/2023 17:59

Can you book a few days leave?

WhateverHappenedToMe · 29/05/2023 18:02

Are you still on probation? If so, you may be terminated if they think you are not able to do the job.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 29/05/2023 18:03

Can you use a few days of annual leave?

WWYDIYWMRN · 29/05/2023 18:06

Agree with others. I have total sympathy for you but from what you've said it's likely you'll lose your job if you go off sick.

It sounds like you are able to work despite it being tough, so I would carry on for now and try and take leave. If course if you actually aren't able to work you have no choice

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/05/2023 18:08

I've passed probation and my annual leave is already booked to cover school holidays over summer.
Thanks for all the advice. I just need to suck it up and it will pass. I feel like I am leaving myself vulnerable to take sick leave and there is only me to pay the bills.

OP posts:
Crazycrazylady · 29/05/2023 18:19

Op
I think if you can at all, you should suck it up as you have so few rights at only 6 months in.
Sorry op , I know you could use the break but it could end up being more stressful for you in the long term.

Wildspace · 29/05/2023 18:33

Until you get to 2 years then you have very few rights - regardless of whether or not you have passed probation. If you’re well enough to work then you should work. See what other support you can get for weekends and really prioritise that time out of work for your well-being where you can. Sounds like you’ve had a really tough year but you’ve got yourself in a better place now to start to rebuild. Don’t put too much on yourself to do too much at the weekends. Keep it low key and give yourself some breathing space

Original poster
misssunshine4040 · 29/05/2023 18:40

Yeah I agree all valid points. I have to work at least one day per weekend so I don't get a weekend off. It's usually 1 weekday and 1 weekend but generally I spend them doing either something with my child or resting as im simply exhausted.
I think time will pass and it will get better

OP posts:
Riapia · 29/05/2023 18:45

What are you hoping the time off will achieve?

FFS Is that a serious question?

Basilthymerosemary · 29/05/2023 19:04

misssunshine4040 · 29/05/2023 18:40

Yeah I agree all valid points. I have to work at least one day per weekend so I don't get a weekend off. It's usually 1 weekday and 1 weekend but generally I spend them doing either something with my child or resting as im simply exhausted.
I think time will pass and it will get better

Unfortunately that's life for the majority of us OP. Hopefully it's just a "slump" and you'll pull yourself together and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Hope it gets better sooner rather than later.

sadieshavingashindig · 29/05/2023 19:29

SchoolShenanigans · 29/05/2023 17:28

What are you hoping the time off will achieve? Can you ask to temporarily reduce your hours instead?

It sounds like you've been through a lot but I'm not sure what a few weeks/months off will achieve, especially as it undoubtedly will affect your work, which I'd imagine you're pretty reliant on now.

Dearie me.

sadieshavingashindig · 29/05/2023 19:31

Unfortunately that's life for the majority of us OP

Well it's not though is it. OP has been moved to temp accommodation to escape domestic violence. So no, it's really not life for the majority of us.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 29/05/2023 19:35

misssunshine4040 · 29/05/2023 18:40

Yeah I agree all valid points. I have to work at least one day per weekend so I don't get a weekend off. It's usually 1 weekday and 1 weekend but generally I spend them doing either something with my child or resting as im simply exhausted.
I think time will pass and it will get better

Could you potentially request a temporary change in working days so you get two full days off together?