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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Signed off work

59 replies

misssunshine4040 · 29/05/2023 16:56

AIBU to ask to be signed off work from a job where my role is critical to the running of business and I've only be at 6 months?
I have had the year from hell including having to move myself and kids into temp accommodation to escape domestic violence, moving into new rented property and some other personal issues that have been very stressful to cope with.
I have suffered panic attacks and I over eat to the point I have put on 3 stone.
I am constantly fatigued, drained and have joint pain.
My work take a dim view of those off for me mental health reasons and they have always been managed out and I'm worried my card will be marked.
My role is vital and my team are short staffed as is it and although this is the businesses issue not mine, I feel so guilty about the thought of leaving them a mess.

OP posts:

peacelemon · 30/05/2023 08:31

nosunshinewhenshesgone · 29/05/2023 22:51

Do you have an Employee Assistance Plan? A lot of employers have one - you could fast-track your way to some private counselling for free.

Good shout!

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 30/05/2023 09:12

Landlubber2019 · 30/05/2023 08:22

Can you reduce your hours from ft to 24 and use universal credits to backfill the loss in income? This would at least give you the space to heal and potentially your employer could take on someone else to pick up the hours in a job share?

I get paid well but still need universal credit to help cover my rent as I live in a very high rent city.
Unfortunately cutting my hours down wouldn't be an option as my role needs to be full time and I couldn't afford the pay drop either.
I work in hospitality which has suffered greatly during covid and although hiring is tough, it's not business sense to pay for someone else to pick up my slack.

I just need to get on with it and be grateful I have managed to get a private rented property in this awful housing crisis and have a job.

OP posts:

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 30/05/2023 09:18

Tryingtohelp12 · 30/05/2023 08:29

Some companies h (mine does) has leave allowances for those escaping domestic violence. Maybe look into that? I would probably disclose my personal situation to my employer they may be understanding.

I disclosed my situation to my work at the time as I was unsure how it would pan out and if I needed time off to get to the council to secure homeless accommodation etc.
I did get to leave early to do these things and we ended up in a hotel for a month until I found a flat.
They were sympathetic and I just got on with it even though looking back I was suffering massively. This all coincided with other personal issues I was dealing with and it was like one bad thing after another all seemed to happen collectively.

I was a constant ball of anxiety and in tears a lot of the time. I had panic attacks and bad chest pains. These have subsided mostly now and I'm on the other side so to speak but I feel like a numb empty shell now who works, sleeps, overeats and tries to meet my children's needs as best I can.

OP posts:

yoga4meinthemorning · 30/05/2023 15:17

You can take unpaid parental leave.

WoofWoofBeachLife · 30/05/2023 17:56

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are really between a rock and a hard place, if you do go off sick I suspect it will have a huge impact on your mental health with feeling guilty leaving your employer in the shit and also more stress worrying about finances. Hospitality is not an easy job to take holidays from as it is never mind when you need them ASAP.
I don't have any suggestions I'm sorry, the counselling through your employer that someone suggested above sounds good. Hugs xx

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 30/05/2023 18:07

WoofWoofBeachLife · 30/05/2023 17:56

You are right, there is never anyone to cover etc and it's frowned on to be off with for any reason other than an approved holiday.

OP posts:

WoofWoofBeachLife · 30/05/2023 18:12

misssunshine4040 · 30/05/2023 18:07

You are right, there is never anyone to cover etc and it's frowned on to be off with for any reason other than an approved holiday.

Show quote history

Would they maybe permit you the 2 days off together for maybe a month? Would that help?

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 30/05/2023 18:21

I make the rota but I have to keep it fair for the rest of the team and make sure we are doing a weekend day each and meeting other peoples requests also. It's a small team and no one to cover a longer absence.

OP posts:

BungleandGeorge · 30/05/2023 18:25

Can your teenager help with childcare for the younger one? You can access help through the nhs quicker than 9 months, go see your GP. You can also
usually get employment advice through the nhs talking therapies service. Also think about taking parental leave, it’s unpaid so your employer may be more ositivw about giving you that. I think sick leave is tricky in your situation, if you are too unwell to work though, that’s not much you can do. Your GP can ask for adjustments rather than sick leave , possibly that would help?

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