To find life overwhelming and 'scary' (for lack of a better word)

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I feel like I get so overwhelmed and fearful about things, I'm only ever really happy when at home. I dread most things, today I woke up stressed out because I had a pedicure appointment. I felt nervous, my eye was twitching, etc. I ended up cancelling the appointment as I just couldn't face it. When I'm out I always feel nervous, and I try and tell myself to relax, breathe, look people in the eye. I feel like a nervous child, like I'm too sensitive and raw for everyday life.

I hate my job. I left and am going to start a new job in June and I'm dreading it. I'm intelligent with two degrees and a decent job and I hate it and feel myself wanting a simple job even though it means I'll be 'underemployed'. I'm on anxiety medication already and still feel this way

AIBU or do others feel like this? I don't think I'm neurodiverse, but I think there must be something

I've seen that checklist op and remember being surprised by how long it was - I also saw a lot of it in myself (not diagnosed - yet). The woman in the picture is one of the contributors to the book I mentioned upthread - Spectrum Women. It's really important to remember that there is a huge variety of different personalities and presentations amongst autistic people (just as there are amongst the NT - it's easy to forget that they tend to share a general group of traits as well).

The spectrum isn't a line with all difficulties becoming more pronounced as you travel along it - it is more of a star shape, with some individuals having greater difficulties in some areas than others. Examples from my own dc are that dd has lots of sensory issues (both hyper and hypo sensitivities) but is very balanced in her interests, whereas ds has a very stereotypical intense interest that permeates his entire life but very few sensory issues - he also likes being in busy environments. So opposites in a way, but both autistic.

My dd had a lot of the traits of ADD, but the doctor who diagnosed her said she wanted to see if treating her anxiety helped with her attention and it did, enormously - anxiety and ADD share many features. The 'obsess and drop' style of intense interest was also discussed at my dc's assessments.

Obviously no one here can tell you for certain but, based on what you have posted, it would definitely be worth pursuing an assessment. Good luck op!

Thank you all, I've done some more reading and reflecting over the past couple of days and I'd say that I'm now 90% sure I'm autistic. There's so many areas of my life that I struggle with more than the average person my age including work, relationships/friendships, driving, motivation and independence. At the moment I don't feel ready to seek a diagnosis or tell people in my life, I find it difficult to even admit to myself that I may be autistic. I'd find it easier if it was ADHD or even just a blanket 'neurodivergent' label, I'm not sure why. I think I have a lot of shame around it all, for some reason it feels like I've let my parents down as it would now mean that all 3 of their children are autistic and need more parental support in their adult years than their friends' children if that makes sense. Not that they would feel like that at all!

You’re just like me worrying about how other people may or may not feel burdened! You shouldn’t feel guilty about that, though. I think disproportionate guilt can be an autistic thing too because we almost don’t have the social understanding to know that it’s not going to be a worry for them, if that makes sense. There is support out there if you feel you need it but if not no need to declare it or anything. It can be a weight off just understanding it about yourself

Crowds and noise can be like white noise if you're a sensory seeker.

Autistic spectrum doesn't mean a load of people on the scale of <-Normal--BitWeird--Autistic-> , it's more like an equaliser on a DJs board- one dial might be set at 11 (eg. Wanting noise sensory input) another dial might be set at -1 (eg. Meeting new people, trying new foods). It's different for everyone.

"Girl" autism is so dramatically different to "boy" autism because of masking, that chameleon thing is spot on. I'm actually using the skills I've learnt masking for most of my life to work in therapy because I've ended up with a real talent for empathy and understanding other people because of it!

From what you've said you sound very typical of a female autist.

It will take time to process everything - it is like a kind of grieving process for the years you have lived (and, in a sense, lost) prior to realising you are ND - be kind to yourself.

You may have inadvertently contributed to increased anxiety and you may have over sensitized yourself by avoiding a lot in your life.

It is a balance but CBT and medication only help up to a certain point. If you have avoided most things in life it can also mean that you don’t build up your coping skills.

You need to choose what’s important, and in very small steps, build up your coping skills. They will come, it is possible but be prepared to just ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ quite a bit.

So work, daily living and your social life are important. Pedicures? Really not important. Strip down your life and then build up.

I can do most things in life, but there are a few areas where I have just let myself off the hook. Simple living but also I love having good friends so I’ll do a fair bit to keep up those friendships. I work from home a lot which helps to give me more ‘energy’ for friendships.

I’ve also volunteered in mental health charities and helped others with anxiety which is really massively helpful to keep your own in perspective.

I don’t think a ND diagnosis will help very much, as you can talk to anyone who experiences anxiety on forums or chats, see how they cope. It’s the anxiety that is your primary concern.

I also suffer from anxiety and it is fairly extreme, so I do sympathise.

Sorry @Teamladybirdladybird I've only just seen this!

Basically I no longer felt like I needed to try and make myself "fit". Learning I had a diagnosed condition that meant I experienced the world differently made me feel oddly free.

I left my previous job and set up my own business which is now thriving. I've also made some new friends and no longer feel as though I need to change myself in order to fit in. Now that I no longer really need to "mask" all the time things are much less stressful!

I agree with the idea of stripping back my life, but when I booked the pedicure I did it as a treat to myself and then it ended up causing me stress. I get bored and listless and book things to look forward to like day trips and holidays, and then as they approach I absolutely dread them. The morning of my most recent holiday I literally found myself saying in my head 'I don't want to go, I don't want to go...' Then once I'm on the holiday or day trip I'm fine.

This.

OP, ds has ADHD and for him it comes with chronic anxiety of the kind you describe. He also is a massive over-thinker and over-analyser. CBT and sertraline both helped a lot.

he has almost entirely overcome social anxiety now and can happily go into a room, a lecture, give a presentation - all that stuff. Only two years ago he'd feel like you - disassociating if he tried to go to a party because it was so stressful. I'm saying this to try and give you hope that you can manage it.

I'm autistic and you've described me to a T. It wasn't so bad when I was younger but between some health issues and heading into peri the burnout feels permanent and I can't cope with much.