To find life overwhelming and 'scary' (for lack of a better word)

[okkkkkkkkkkkkkkk]

I feel like I get so overwhelmed and fearful about things, I'm only ever really happy when at home. I dread most things, today I woke up stressed out because I had a pedicure appointment. I felt nervous, my eye was twitching, etc. I ended up cancelling the appointment as I just couldn't face it. When I'm out I always feel nervous, and I try and tell myself to relax, breathe, look people in the eye. I feel like a nervous child, like I'm too sensitive and raw for everyday life.

I hate my job. I left and am going to start a new job in June and I'm dreading it. I'm intelligent with two degrees and a decent job and I hate it and feel myself wanting a simple job even though it means I'll be 'underemployed'. I'm on anxiety medication already and still feel this way

AIBU or do others feel like this? I don't think I'm neurodiverse, but I think there must be something

I can be like this, but the context is that I am like this when overall burnt out.

So - if I have a week with some very stressful medical appointments that I'm dreading, I can feel like the seemingly innocuous hair appointment also scheduled for that week is fucking pushing me over the edge. And then I cancel it.

It's not really about the more mundane appointments or commitments for me, it's just if they're scheduled against a backdrop of complete stress.

Do you feel constantly burnt out, maybe is that partly why you feel this way?

Yes, I quite often am overwhelmed by 'normal life' and try hard to relax through stressful situations. Sometimes it goes well and I feel encouraged but when it doesn't I try to accept that also and not let it define me. Its been a struggle, but I'm trying to be kinder to myself. Find something that lifts you, I like walking and reading . It helps.

I feel the same, just been away for the weekend to a wedding and I feel totally exhausted because I had to spend all weekend being sociable and all the lead up to it last week absolutely dreading it. I’m exhausted and will spend all next week working from home so I don’t have to interact with anyone apart from dh.

I did hear a very good programme in R4 last week about anxiety. They were discussing how when humans developed many thousands of years ago, we are supposed to live in small groups where we all know each other, help each other and all feel safe. Modern life is nothing like that and humans are not built to cope with it and that’s what causes huge amounts of anxiety.

It sounds like generalised anxiety of a fairly advanced type. It’s important you get it treated now because it’s often progressive and you may end up in a really bad state.

Phone your GP on Tues, they will ring you with a series of questions and from there will probably suggest medication and CBT. The latter can be a waiting list so I’d dump the pedis and pay for some. In the mean time do some reading.

Definitely get it sorted. Don’t leave it.

SORRY OP - I see you are already on anxiety meds, I missed that the first time.

You need to go back to your GP because your meds are not as effective as they should be, and also sort out some CBT.

Have you always felt this way? You are very accomplished for someone with this level of anxiety. How did yu cope in the past with exams, interviews, difficult essays and work deadlines?

Can you recognise that you are actually very capable in the world from this evidence, even if you don't feel it?

Do you take any medication for anxiety? if not, it might be worth considering, just to take the edge off it and give you some breathing space to be rational about life and how to cope with it.

Yep, I've always felt like this way! I've struggled through every season of life, going back to preschool! Just pure dread all the time.

I've been really strategic with how I've lived but still feel like I am in burnout. For example, 2 years in a row I've changed jobs and given myself a month off in between. At university I would skip nearly all of my lectures, deliberately pick modules that didn't have seminars or presentations, etc. I cancel and avoid so many things, even at work I'll tell colleagues I'm going into the office and then in the morning I can't face it. Sometimes I've been on the way to things and had to turn around, or been stood outside and can't bring myself to go in.

I've tried CBT and therapy in the past but neither helped. I'm on anti-anxiety medication and it's definitely took the edge off (I used to be so anxious in public I'd dissociate and my mind would feel foggy and I couldn't think straight or concentrate enough to feel I could safely cross a road - really weird looking back how bad it was)

Yes I am the same OP though for me it's only been for the last 5 years or so. I was quite confident and carefree before.

It's weird looking back, now I'm constantly anxious and overwhelmed and a shadow of my former self.

Like you I have a good job but can't take the pressure and am looking to change to something way below my level so I don't have to suffer with imposter syndrome every day.

I struggle with making phone calls, going to appointments etc too. I have been to interviews before and turned around as I couldn't bear to go in.

If my to-do list is too long, I freeze and end up doing nothing (even if it's harmless, easy stuff like ordering a new face cream!)

No advice but following with interest!

Yes, I identify with all of this. I am autistic (diagnosed as an adult) and have an anxiety disorder. It sounds like you may have already looked into this but it might be worth reading about autism in women and girls just to see if it fits. Tony Attwood has some great videos and information online. I hope you find some answers and get some help, it sounds like things are really difficult for you.

Have you considered hypnotherapy?

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I think it's worth you considering if you might be as well. You sound like me.

My husband is like this and he's diagnosed autistic too. I really feel for you OP I think many people struggle to adapt to our modern world; things are so fast and busy and noisy now, and we're all both socially disconnected and globally hyper-connected. It's gone wrong!

Me too, I am retired though (and many will think how wonderful and it should be easy and count your blessings) and wake up so scared of the long day ahead. I am not a joiner so meeting with like minded people would just be horrific for me. No real hobbies; reading used to occupy me for hours when I was young but I have lost that. Jigsaws work well. Weirdly I can enjoy being away from home on holiday but hate leaving the house for say shopping. I am so sorry you feel like this. I think a family trauma started mine a few years ago. Bless you.

I changed my anxiety meds and its made the world of difference. Truly has.

I know you say you don't think you're neurodivergent but your entire post screams autism to me.

I felt exactly like you did but once I had a diagnosis life started to fall into place.

This. Everything I was going to say but much more succinct!

PP has mentioned needing down time after attending an exhausting wedding, which IMO is quite normal for a lot of people. Having to cancel an pedi appt, something luxury that you wanted and booked, because you're so upset and nervous isn't normal.

I've been in your shoes, Once upon a time I used to run a singles club and host events, then gradually things changed and before I knew it I was stood in the middle of the first isle at Aldi crying because I couldn't handle the thought of having to go through the checkout. Life was just too much for me.

Please seek professional help for this. It won't always be this way. Don't shy away from meds incase "they turn you into a zombie".... This just isn't what happens, you'll still be you, they'll just dampen down and then hopefully completely quash your anxiety and worries. If there's a long wait for CBT in the meantime you could also look to buy a workbook you could start working through at your own pace to get you started.

Best of luck @okkkkkkkkkkkkkkk , you'll get through this. xx

Whoops that'll teach me to reply before reading all your responses.

I'd suggest a change of your meds then.

Randomly, MAC are doing clinical trials for people on anxiety/depression meds who feel they aren't working well enough. I have a scientific background (not connected to MAC or their work) and their initial work looks very interesting. Might be something you'd want to look into?

I’m like this too, and sadly don’t have any answers. But place marking out of curiosity. I’m sorry you feel like this, it’s horrible. Hate to think there are others who deal with the same.

I know it's quite personal so feel free to ignore this, but I was wondering if you could possibly elaborate? I've seen a lot on ADHD recently, and sometimes it really resonates and I relate to a lot of it, but other times I don't. I know there is inattentive ADHD which I relate to

Sometimes I think I am autistic, and other times I think I'm not and I'm over-pathologising and over-analysing myself, if that makes sense. I have two autistic siblings, so I've never really considered that I could be autistic too as I'm so different to them. But I just feel so unsettled in the world, I always feel this homesickness and find myself thinking 'i want to go home', even when I am at home. It's like the world is too much for me.

May I ask how everything fell into place post diagnosis?

It sounds like anxiety. I'm a bit like this. I can find in the space of a week I'm feeling nervous about so many things. Dreading them! And they're all really minor things: e.g. attending a work meeting and knowing I'll feel too shy to say much, a particular task at work which I'm not sure how to do and I know it'll be difficult, taking my child to a party because I don't know the others parents well and feel awkward. All these things will give me butterflies even though I know they're no big deal. When you end up feeling like this nearly every day it can be exhausting. I don't know what the answer is but I feel for you

I honestly think this is so normal given we haven't evolved to live in the world as it is now. Its a normal reaction to am abnormal world. That said, there will be help for you so you can find life easier and more enjoyable.

YANBU.

it sounds like burnout or ptsd.
I have been in therapy for ptsd for years, and I’ve only just begun to be able to feel much better about doing things- this is after many years of therapy.
is there a way you can take space for yourself, and quiet, and get some rest when you need it?

if it’s burnout, it will resolve in time without therapy. Ptsd really needs the help of a trauma focused therapist.

wishing you healing, OP. 💐💐 the main thing is to be gentle with yourself.

Moving away specifically from the ND suggestions (definitely possible, though) - do you get your eyesight and hearing tested regularly?

I get the same sensation when my prescription has changed - just 0.25 different in one eye or a bit of a sniffle affecting my hearing a fraction is enough to cause it. Also ND, but adding any slight change in how things approach/appear in my 'world' means that stuff is leaping up in front of me when it's already too bright, too loud, too fast, too distracting, too everything.