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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Entitled parent?

62 replies

MusicalityM · 27/05/2023 18:39

I’m an instrumental tutor and visit schools each week. I have a particular parent who I’m finding a little difficult and wondered what other parents think about this situation.

The child in question frequently forgets their instrument, but I there’s generally a spare instrument at the school so they can still come for their lesson and use that.

Although my t’s & c’s require payment 24 hours before the lesson, this parent will often pay after the lesson. I try and be flexible as I know a lot of people are struggling financially and music tuition isn’t exactly top of this list so I don’t say anything and just send a polite reminder text by the day after and then they pay.

last week the instrument was forgotten again but on this day we couldn’t find the spare. I asked if she still wanted to come to the lesson to see what we covered and the homework etc and she agreed.

I then text the parent about payment and was told they wouldn’t be paying as she didn’t have a ‘proper lesson’. Parent then said maybe I should just bill them each month or so for the lessons she’s had. They added ‘it may be helpful if I text a reminder the day before the lesson!

Is this completely entitled behaviour? I certainly will not be offering lessons in advance of payment as this is obviously an ineffective way to run a business!

The girl is a lovely student who’s really bright and enthusiastic , but I really don’t want to deal with the parent anymore.

AIBU to suggest they sign up with local music service so she’ll be allocated a different tutor? Do you think this parent is a bit entitled?

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 27/05/2023 18:42

Turn it round-you could pay at the beginning of the month for that months lessons but I cannot bill that much retrospectively. If she goes through the usual music service route she would have to pay the whole term in advance!

PyjamaFan · 27/05/2023 18:43

I would stop teaching that child.

tweener · 27/05/2023 18:45

Just explain that whether the school has a spare available or not isn't your problem, parent needs to ensure child brings their own instrument and payment received 24 hours before. If it's not received don't attend the lesson.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/05/2023 18:46

I think I'd move to not offering a lesson if they hadn't paid in advance.

IglesiasPiggl · 27/05/2023 18:46

I would stop doing payment after each lesson. I pay termly for my DSs lessons. If he forgets his instrument tough luck. You are making work for yourself with your billing set up.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/05/2023 18:47

The refusal to pay for the lesson is unacceptable and I'd stop teaching over that.

Riverlee · 27/05/2023 18:49

On the basis that you gave the parent the option of cancelling the lesson, she still owes you for that lesson. She is paying for your time, not content of the lesson.

I think a stiffly worded letter (or email) is needed, re-affirming your t and cs. If she doesn’t pay, no lesson. Three no payments, them she’s out. If her daughter suffers, then it’s the mums fault, not yours.

i don’t necessary think she’s entitled, but scatty. I also think she doesn’t pay upfront, because then if she decides not to come, she hasn’t lost the money.

Original poster
MusicalityM · 27/05/2023 18:50

Yes I agree, most students pay either monthly or half termly in advance this works well. However, some parents just can’t afford to that which I totally understand and opt to pay weekly. It’s not so much the late payment (they do always pay eventually) it’s the attitude from the parent which bothers me more. I’m also worried if I stop teaching her they’ll kick up a stink at school and then I’ll be involved in that too!

OP posts:
drpet49 · 27/05/2023 18:51

PyjamaFan · 27/05/2023 18:43

I would stop teaching that child.

Me too. They can’t even be bothered to turn up with their instrument let alone the payment issue. Get rid.

Wildandwonderful · 27/05/2023 18:51

Payment in advance. If they forget their instrument it is their problem. You deserve to be paid for your time, even if they have wasted the time.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 27/05/2023 18:51

I pay for my DD’s lessons annually. Weekly is a hassle, and I probably would forget. But they should absolutely pay ahead of lessons, not after, and they’re paying you for your time, not for the quality of instruction if the kid forgets their instrument! Even if you’d given no lesson at all that week, they should still pay for that hour because you couldn’t have made up the income in another way, and not being able to have a proper lesson was their fault, not yours.

CostelloJones · 27/05/2023 18:52

Can you not explain to them firmly but politely that they need to sort themselves out (not in those words) or you will have to stop offering them your services as a tutor.

and then arrange for them to pay for their block of lessons either termly or monthly, before they have had them? And make it clear if they don’t pre pay within a certain time from receiving the invoice, say a week, the lessons will go to someone else.

Original poster
MusicalityM · 27/05/2023 18:53

Also I think I’ve been very lucky as the vast majority of parents are lovely. I feel appreciated and valued which is very important to me. I just hate any kind of animosity so this is bothering me.

OP posts:
Original poster
MusicalityM · 27/05/2023 18:57

I should add that this is a group lesson not an individual lesson so my time is not wasted. I still deliver the lesson to the other children who have their instruments so I can’t really argue that they should pay for my time.

OP posts:
Krystall · 27/05/2023 18:57

I recently started working at a private school and I am dealing with finances and I initially started off feeling sorry for parents that could not pay, cost of living and all that. (And I would add I am comprehensive educated from a deprived part of the country, but that was a long time ago). Anyway I have decided that they will all be well fed and educated anyway and this is a business transaction for a luxury item. The music lessons are a luxury item, if the parent won’t pay, ditch them, the child will survive.

Original poster
MusicalityM · 27/05/2023 18:58

Krystall · 27/05/2023 18:57

I recently started working at a private school and I am dealing with finances and I initially started off feeling sorry for parents that could not pay, cost of living and all that. (And I would add I am comprehensive educated from a deprived part of the country, but that was a long time ago). Anyway I have decided that they will all be well fed and educated anyway and this is a business transaction for a luxury item. The music lessons are a luxury item, if the parent won’t pay, ditch them, the child will survive.

Yes I think I may well share your sentiment. I’ve only worked independently since the pandemic but am learning this too!

OP posts:
DemonicCaveMaggot · 27/05/2023 18:59

Getting rid of the parent may be annoying in the short term, but if you have to deal with her for several years you could have this level of aggravation every month or two.

I would cut them off over the non-payment for the last lesson. She has an infernal cheek when it is her fault and the fault of her child that the lesson couldn't be a practical. The request that you send a reminder before each lesson is just obnoxious.

Krystall · 27/05/2023 19:00

MusicalityM · 27/05/2023 18:57

I should add that this is a group lesson not an individual lesson so my time is not wasted. I still deliver the lesson to the other children who have their instruments so I can’t really argue that they should pay for my time.

It doesn’t matter that it is a group lesson. I sometimes go to a class at the gym, if I have to pay I expect everybody else to have to pay. And if somebody that hadn’t paid was there, they would inevitably be a little bit less of the class taker to go around and the payers all get that little bit less of attention.

Original poster
MusicalityM · 27/05/2023 19:00

DemonicCaveMaggot · 27/05/2023 18:59

Getting rid of the parent may be annoying in the short term, but if you have to deal with her for several years you could have this level of aggravation every month or two.

I would cut them off over the non-payment for the last lesson. She has an infernal cheek when it is her fault and the fault of her child that the lesson couldn't be a practical. The request that you send a reminder before each lesson is just obnoxious.

Ha ha yes obnoxious is definitely the right word, ‘entitled’ wasn’t quite cutting it

OP posts:
Original poster
MusicalityM · 27/05/2023 19:01

Krystall · 27/05/2023 19:00

It doesn’t matter that it is a group lesson. I sometimes go to a class at the gym, if I have to pay I expect everybody else to have to pay. And if somebody that hadn’t paid was there, they would inevitably be a little bit less of the class taker to go around and the payers all get that little bit less of attention.

Show quote history

This is a good point!

OP posts:
MuggleMe · 27/05/2023 19:05

Do they sign up for a term and just pay weekly for convenience? Remind parent that payment must be made in advance, even if child forgets instrument. This is the last time you will accept a late payment and if they want to do monthly payments this needs to be in advance as lessons are not opt in. Otherwise you will give notice and have someone more reliable take spot. Certainly make sure things are working well before recommencing in Sept.

shufflestep · 27/05/2023 19:16

I send out my terms and conditions annually and ask parents to sign up to them, though you do still get some very entitled ones! I would recommend going to monthly standing order - I calculate the number of lessons over the year, the total cost and divide by twelve. It also helps with the long summer holiday with no pay, and it helps parents budget for the lessons.

Springingintosummer · 27/05/2023 19:42

I would insist all parents pay for half a term/term in advance. Failure to do that and child cannot have music lessons with you.

this is how we pay for swimming lessons, wrap around childcare, nursery fees, scouts/brownies and music lessons.

your time spent chasing lessons is also not acceptable!

Rogue1001MNer · 27/05/2023 19:55

I’m also worried if I stop teaching her they’ll kick up a stink at school and then I’ll be involved in that too!

Hmmm. I'd be interested in what the school thinks of the parent. I wonder if they're a PITA at school too? Worth a quick chat with the office staff???? Might be enlightening!

Tinkerbyebye · 27/05/2023 19:56

I would simply go back and say they have a choice

  1. they set a reminder in their phone that the lessons take place the next dAy, send the payment and make sure the child brings the instrument
  2. they find another tutor
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