Entitled parent?

[MusicalityM]

I’m an instrumental tutor and visit schools each week. I have a particular parent who I’m finding a little difficult and wondered what other parents think about this situation.

The child in question frequently forgets their instrument, but I there’s generally a spare instrument at the school so they can still come for their lesson and use that.

Although my t’s & c’s require payment 24 hours before the lesson, this parent will often pay after the lesson. I try and be flexible as I know a lot of people are struggling financially and music tuition isn’t exactly top of this list so I don’t say anything and just send a polite reminder text by the day after and then they pay.

last week the instrument was forgotten again but on this day we couldn’t find the spare. I asked if she still wanted to come to the lesson to see what we covered and the homework etc and she agreed.

I then text the parent about payment and was told they wouldn’t be paying as she didn’t have a ‘proper lesson’. Parent then said maybe I should just bill them each month or so for the lessons she’s had. They added ‘it may be helpful if I text a reminder the day before the lesson!

Is this completely entitled behaviour? I certainly will not be offering lessons in advance of payment as this is obviously an ineffective way to run a business!

The girl is a lovely student who’s really bright and enthusiastic , but I really don’t want to deal with the parent anymore.

AIBU to suggest they sign up with local music service so she’ll be allocated a different tutor? Do you think this parent is a bit entitled?

Also get them to sign the T &Cs so you can tell them “ well you signed this which is you agreeing to…..”

I don't think she is entitled or obnoxious for suggesting a monthly/termly payment or for asking for a reminder email. I don't think it means you have to provide it for her, but information systems and online payments mean this sort of way of doing business is quite standard for many services. It probably doesn't occur to her that you don't have everything automated.

You have let things slide and been flexible because you assume people are having a hard time but it's also much easier for you if you aren't having to check before each lesson whether payment was received and then canceling the lesson if it wasn't. The parent is just as interested in an easy life, it's not surprising they'd rather have a prompt and IT systems have made providing that easy for businesses to do, so many do.

Her refusal to pay for the lesson her child didn't bring their instrument to is entitled (and obnoxious).

I think you just need to become very businesslike with her. Resend your T&C's highlighting the 24hrs in advance clause. Tell her that you will be enforcing the T&Cs from now on, but you are happy to take payment on a monthly or termly basis in advance if she prefers that. Be clear that she owes the money for the previous lesson as well and that providing an instrument is her responsibility, inability to do so is not a valid reason for cancellation without notice. Say that her child won't get another lesson unless that debt is paid off and the next lesson paid for in accordance with the terms and conditions. If she goes to the school and they kick up a stink, point them to the T&Cs and calmly say you aren't prepared to waiver from them for this client because she threatened not to pay when it suited her - and stick to it.

Send an email restating your terms

Be firm.

If the child does not attend due to illness etc do you still charge?

I would message and say they can pay weekly, monthly or termly but must be in advance. If you don't charge for missed lessons then next time send the child away unless already paid.

Cultural differences can mean anything. It could mean that they just come across as blunt. It could mean that they don't have any respect for you and see you as their lowly employee. If you allow them to treat you badly they will.

I think you need to be very firm so that you aren't messed around. Many people do far more than charge 24hrs in advance. All the external providers offering after school activities at my kids state primary school are paid at least half termly in advance with no refunds for missed lessons by children. Our music lessons were also paid on advance.

Our tutor is paid four weekly in advance or no lessons. When my first child was with them it was payment on the day. I imagine dealing with cf's and all the running around made them change their terms. We do get a refund if we give 48hrs notice which I'm actually surprised about and wouldn't expect.

Re iterate your terms or even introduce new ones from September. It's the perfect time of year to send those out. No payment no lesson. If child turns up not having paid you let them know gently that they don't have a lesson this week/ term. If this parent kicks off don't offer lessons for that child anymore. Is it worth having them when they cause so much disruption and headache?

No negotiating. Don't be too nice, people just take advantage. If you are worried about school then inform them that you have been having problems and are being stricter next term.

Could you charge up front by the term, by the half term and also weekly but always two weeks in advance? ie They pay for two weeks up front then every week and don't pay for the final two weeks (as they are already paid for).
Make it clear that the last payment option is not available to students who forget to pay.

Explain to the child how to set up a reminder about her instrument - a note on her school bag, on her door, on her phone, a friend who attends the lesson reminding her. etc. Give her options to remember. She might help the parents.

If she continues to not pay then her options of payment are the first two only.
If she doesn't cancel for good reason at least 48 hours in advance then she has to pay for the lesson. If she doesn't remember the instrument then she still has to pay.
Set up the rules for everyone.

Give each child one chance then drop them until the following term when they might like to re-apply.
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Tell the parent you can't run a business that way. This is your business they don't get to call the shots on how and when you take payment.

You are happy for monthly payments but in advance of the lessons, not after. And if there are any missed lessons explain how you handle that depending on the notice they have given you.** So for example, if they pre-warn you that they can't make a lesson a week in advance, give them a credit note or a lesson at a different time. If they dump it on you on the day, tough shit. You can't fill a slot at such short notice.

Reiterate it is their responsibility to remember their instrument and if there is a spare lying around then you are happy for them to use it, but this cannot be guaranteed.

If they can't have a full lesson because of their own stupidity that's on them, they still took the slot and used your time.

She's choosing to pay after the lesson as she thinks she's onto a winner as if her DD does not attend, in her mind she won't need to pay.

I appreciate you want to remain civil, but you do need to insist that going forward she follows the payment terms as set out in ts and cs or unfortunately DD can no longer attend. Also, the outstanding fees on the account need bringing up to date before DD can return.

Can you afford to lose the student? If you're texting a payment chase anyway, wouldn't it make sense to just do it the day before so 1) you're paid and 2) they have an instrument?

Just because there are other kids in the lesson doesn't mean you're not missing out if one doesn't show or doesn't pay. I assume there's a max of - what? - 4 or 6 kids per session? If you hadn't reserved a spot for non-payer kid, you could have booked another kid into the slot instead.

Stand your ground, and offer her the chance to pay in advance but not in arrears.

I would consider the option of doing something like auto-scheduling weekly reminders for all students to go out the afternoon prior just to be helpful but only if you can do this in a low effort way.

We are a bit flaky and kid sometimes forgets their guitar, or forgets to attend, but I wouldn't DREAM of not paying... completely our fault!

I agree with those who suggest standing your ground over payment in advance.

I feel sorry for the child with a parent like that. I wonder if the child is witness to unreasonable behaviour or taught in that way, which could hinder her as she grows up, such as in keeping friendships.

Well if the lack of “proper lesson” is their own fault for not bringing their instrument. Now you know they’ll use as an excuse to not pay. Going forward: No instrument no lesson.