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Original poster

DD 3 doesn't want to eat anything other than what she wants

55 replies

applesandbananaa · 26/05/2023 18:54

She has huge tantrums otherwise. I find it really hard to deal with and I don't know what to do.

She won't touch any vegetables. It's touch and go if she'll touch even her favourite foods. Sometimes she just says ' yuck I don't like it'. I try to be cool about it at the time.

I try and ignore it as much as I can 'ok maybe you're not hungry now, we can try again later '..

Then later she'll just have toast or biscuits. It's very hard work and takes a lot of patience to even get her to eat anything.

Can anyone relate ?

OP posts:
Onceuponatime56 · 26/05/2023 18:55

Why does she get toast and biscuits later? Ideally she should wait until the next meal and not have toast/biscuits as an option.

Azandme · 26/05/2023 18:57

Do you want to eat anything other than what you want? I don't.

It's usually a phase, and it sounds like you're doing great. Don't make it a battle, eat as a family, praise if she tries, ignore if she doesn't.

It'll pass.

Marmite27 · 26/05/2023 18:58

Don’t give her toast and biscuits!

she knows if she doesn’t eat her veggies she gets a biscuit later.

QueefQueen80s · 26/05/2023 18:59

I never understand these battles with food. Just give them what they want to eat

Original poster
applesandbananaa · 26/05/2023 18:59

Azandme · 26/05/2023 18:57

Do you want to eat anything other than what you want? I don't.

It's usually a phase, and it sounds like you're doing great. Don't make it a battle, eat as a family, praise if she tries, ignore if she doesn't.

It'll pass.

Sometimes she'll be like ' I want chocolate ' and have a massive tantrum if she doesn't get it. It's just so stressful and exhausting.

OP posts:
saveforthat · 26/05/2023 18:59

It's hard at that age, some people will say don't give her anything else. I used to offer fruit toast or cereal. Definitely not biscuits i.e. no "treat food"

Original poster
applesandbananaa · 26/05/2023 19:00

QueefQueen80s · 26/05/2023 18:59

I never understand these battles with food. Just give them what they want to eat

I don't Battle with food at all. But if I only gave her what she wants, she would only eat biscuits, chocolate and ice cream !

OP posts:
LividHouse · 26/05/2023 19:00

“Don’t want that. I want seee-reeee-yullll” is all I hear at dinner time 😳

saveforthat · 26/05/2023 19:00

QueefQueen80s · 26/05/2023 18:59

I never understand these battles with food. Just give them what they want to eat

But what if what they want is chocolate for every meal?

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2023 19:01

Children can take up to 12 times to get used to a new food and that's if they are willingly exploring it so this is normal and fine.

I would keep offering the food tou want her to try first and then 5 minutes after bring out her normal toast.

No need for drama, keep it calm and stress free.

If it is still like this by Christmas get to the gp for a dietitian/SALT referral to check for sensory issues.

fyn · 26/05/2023 19:02

We used Solid Starts advice to solve this, still not the best eater but 10x better!

Original poster
applesandbananaa · 26/05/2023 19:03

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2023 19:01

Children can take up to 12 times to get used to a new food and that's if they are willingly exploring it so this is normal and fine.

I would keep offering the food tou want her to try first and then 5 minutes after bring out her normal toast.

No need for drama, keep it calm and stress free.

If it is still like this by Christmas get to the gp for a dietitian/SALT referral to check for sensory issues.

I don't think it's sensory issues. But I could be wrong. She wants stuff some days and other days she claims to hate the same thing. I think it's a control thing.

She just wants to do what she wants.

OP posts:
Sandylanes69 · 26/05/2023 19:03

Agree with others, keep a limited range of back-up foods for when she's hungry (cheese cubes, cucumber, halved cherry tomatoes, plain yoghurt, carrot sticks, red pepper, apple slices, wholemeal toast) and keep your nerve! It's age-appropriate behaviour, and not a reflection on your parenting. She'll grow less fussy over time. A three-year-old's parent's place is in the wrong! As someone else said, we all want to choose what we eat.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2023 19:04

applesandbananaa · 26/05/2023 18:59

Sometimes she'll be like ' I want chocolate ' and have a massive tantrum if she doesn't get it. It's just so stressful and exhausting.

Show quote history

You can offer chocolate milk or chocolate porridge or chocolate spread on toast, doesn't need to be much but those options are healthier.

Remove chocolate bars or buttons from the house so they aren't available.

Astralitzia · 26/05/2023 19:06

Azandme · 26/05/2023 18:57

Do you want to eat anything other than what you want? I don't.

It's usually a phase, and it sounds like you're doing great. Don't make it a battle, eat as a family, praise if she tries, ignore if she doesn't.

It'll pass.

Yeah but I'm the one doing the cooking.

Children need to learn to eat what they're given (within reason, you're not exactly going to expect them to eat something they hate) and that they can't live on toast and biscuits.

OP, stop giving her toast and biscuits. Just set her dinner to one side if she won't eat it at dinner time. If she's hungry later you can reoffer it.

mdinbc · 26/05/2023 19:07

Children also need to know that certain foods are treats and only given at snack times. We don't get chocolate or ice cream until after dinner is finished, etc.

As Sandylane says, offer a range of good food, but not endless replacements.

bussteward · 26/05/2023 19:08

Ah, the “yuck!” phase. So boring. Hard as it is, try not to pressure her – no cajoling, “but you liked it yesterday”, etc. I think boring old toast is fine so she’s getting some calories, but not biscuits. I continued to offer favourites and vegetables and a rounded diet, then when it was “yuck!” the only option was plain porridge, given calmly, boring non-chat non-fun fashion while I busied myself doing something else. So she ate enough to survive and sleep but it wasn’t a joyous experience the way a meal would have been.

She’s four now and likes what she likes but will try everything, very adventurous, has some odd favourites – vine leaves! – and loves vegetables the best (as well as chocolate, obviously). We only have battles if she’s exhausted or ill.

user1471538283 · 26/05/2023 19:09

I think at this age DC are just trying to exert any agency they have. Whilst she can't have treats you could maybe let her have toast or fruit?

My DS was a brilliant eater but he would go through phases (with me not with his DGF) of only eating plain pasta or Weetabix.

notanotherclairebear · 26/05/2023 19:19

DD (now 4) was just like this. It was exhausting and soul destroying! I ended up presenting meals in serving plates, and letting her help herself. There was always a safe food that she could choose. She could pick what she wanted - even if it was just baked beans. If she picked something new I didn't make a fuss, the rest of us just ate ours and let her get on with it!

Snowpaw · 26/05/2023 19:20

Try and find some things that are nutritious and calorie dense that she will eat. At that age my DD was very into nut butters (you can get unsalted, no palm oil ones etc) and it didnt bother me if all she ate was a couple of spoons of that because I could relax a bit knowing she was getting protein / fat / fibre. Or prawns - she had a real thing for prawns cooked in butter. She often ate nothing on the plate other than the thing she liked, and I worried a lot that her diet wasn't balanced, but I figured she knew what her body needed. Slow cooked beef was a good one she used to eat. Or eggs in all forms. And it would change week to week what she would tolerate. Just had to keep trying things. I tried to steer away from toast / cereal / plain pasta etc as I figured its just empty carbohydrates.
She is now four and a half and has only just started enjoying cherry tomatoes and cucumber. Weaning is a long game and it is tiring and stressful at times.

travelingtortoise · 26/05/2023 19:22

Does she 'sit down' to eat? I wonder if having food out on plates while she does other things might take the pressure off the feeling of 'it's this or nothing'.

Have toys out, also food out nearby, let her get on with other stuff, and the food is there to eat when she's ready – rather than all the focus being on what's being served...

Lcb123 · 26/05/2023 19:27

Definitely don’t give toast or biscuits. She won’t starve skipping 1 meal.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2023 19:29

Honestly op, lots of children go through this, my eldest is 15 and the summer after he turned 3 he only wanted ham and yogurt, infact once I found him hidden away under the stairs with handfuls of ham slices he was stuffing into his mouth!

He is now a healthy 6ft 3 lad on the local cricket and rugby teams.

The vest way to avoid issues down the line is to keep offering options and not make a big deal if she kicks off.

HappiDaze · 26/05/2023 19:30

My DS was a fussy little time.

I used to put a teaspoon of peas on his plate everyday till he finally relented and stayed to eat then

Then I moved on to carrots, broccoli etc etc

He eats all fruit and veg now

He's just fussy with other food which is bloody annoying but eats really bizarre unusual items

You can't win sometimes

OhcantthInkofaname · 26/05/2023 19:30

I fail to understand why people - I don't know why she has tantrums - She has tantrums because she gets your attention! Ignore them. If tantrums don't have the intended effect they don't occur. Feed her what she needs to eat to be healthy. Do not give her biscuits! Or chocolate!

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