DD 3 doesn't want to eat anything other than what she wants

[applesandbananaa]

She has huge tantrums otherwise. I find it really hard to deal with and I don't know what to do.

She won't touch any vegetables. It's touch and go if she'll touch even her favourite foods. Sometimes she just says ' yuck I don't like it'. I try to be cool about it at the time.

I try and ignore it as much as I can 'ok maybe you're not hungry now, we can try again later '..

Then later she'll just have toast or biscuits. It's very hard work and takes a lot of patience to even get her to eat anything.

Can anyone relate ?

• fussy little tike bugger

Oh, yes – we did a lot of floor picnics during this phase, and a tea called “platter” that we still have: stuff on a board, fruit, vegetables, cheese cubes, the actual thing you’d like her to eat, breadsticks. Sometimes she preferred to eat under the table being a cat; other times inside a large cardboard moving box (“my quiet box”). I just rolled with it and she got through the phase.

*started to eat them

I had to buy plastic plates with compartments because he didn't like food items touching on the plate

But at least that meant I could add a variety of veg in one of the smaller compartments to try

Unpopular opinion but I let my children eat what they like and my now 5yo loves his veg when he wouldn't touch it as a toddler. I try not to make too much of it, in my experience most preferences are a phase.

I’ve found 3 generally much tougher than 2 so far. As a PP said, they want control and to exert their own will. They push the boundaries to test them. It’s probably not even about the food fundamentally, it’s about autonomy. DS has been a brilliant eater but recently he’s started refusing to come to the table even though he’s clearly hungry - just because it’s the opposite of what we want him to do.

I think all you can do is continue offering 3 meals a day and 2 small, healthy snacks at predictable times. Always offer something safe on the plate. Keep strong and don’t give into the whining or tantrums. Empathise that it’s difficult when we don’t get what we want but don’t translate that into biscuits on demand. And console yourself this won’t last forever!

DS hated food like lasagne or anything with a sauce at the time - still hates lasagne but will occasionally have Spag Bol but prefers rice so I just say he's having a mild chilli con carne whilst we eat Spag Bol

Praise praise praise works with our one, even for the tiniest bite or lick. Well done for trying and ignore what they don’t touch! (This has backfired somewhat with his insistence that daddy ‘tries bananas’ - which he hates - and mummy ‘tries steak’ - I’m a vegetarian).

Hence child obesity…

Omg this is my life. Violent rocking in the high chair and wails of 'see-weee-ohhh'

Oh yes never ever make a big deal out of it

If DS didn't eat it then I'd just remove the plate and say nothing at all about it

I'd ignore any protests and sometimes just put the plate in front of him and walk into another room for a while so he'd get used to dealing with food in a plate in his own way

If toast and biscuits were not an option she'd eat her food eventually as she would be hungry. Don't make a rod for your own back OP. Offer the food the family is eating at each meal, your DC either eats it or leaves it but is not offered various other options like biscuits. Offer a healthy snack like fruit or carrot sticks and houmous or cheese and a cracker mid morning and mid afternoon. If sugary good is an option she will hold out for it.

I never praised DS either as it's just food

I never begged him or bribed him

I never told him off

Or told him other children were starving etc

Just silently put the food out then silently take it away and chat about anything but food

My DS was really really fussy and it did my head in but my way worked

She just wants to do what she wants

That's because she's 3, OP.

Easier said than done, but just don't stress about it. It's easier if you all eat together, as it shows her that eating isn't just about food but about chatting (in an ideal world - our oh-so-perfect family meals frequently ended up with someone crying or flouncing, but you get the idea).

If someone doesn't eat something, it is no big deal. Just remove their plate along with everyone else's. Have fruit for pudding. If a child is hungry later, offer Weetabix or something.

One of mine in particular was a horrendous eater as a small child. He is now 22 and is the one who will eat absolutely anything, and in fact chooses the most unlikely things from a menu (so that I have to resist the temptation to say "are you sure? You know you don't like anything other than Marmite and Milky Ways").

She loves to eat when we are all together. She likes it when it's a big event. Rather than just DD, DD and I. Unfortunately, she only gets to eat with DH once a week. She loves it when all 4 of us eat together or when we have guests and it's even more people.

She'll actually eat then and even try new stuff.

But when it's just a usual day and it's just the three of us, she doesn't really want to eat.

Mine were the same about eating more/better with extra people there. Funnily, my child who was the least fussy as a toddler is now the worst by miles, and she's 19.

All you can do is hang in there, keep on eating with them - even if it's just the three of you - and chatting with them, don't focus on the food, but don't offer toast and biscuits later on. If you do want to offer something (because, let's face it, nobody wants a child to go to bed feeling hungry and miserable), then offer a drink of milk and relatively bland cereal before tooth-brushing.

I know it feels hard now, but it will pass.

I'm sure you've already thought of this stuff but just some things that helped with mine:

• Can you get her involved in cooking? My eldest will eat almost anything she's made herself. Control central 😆

• Can you try making the foods/veg etc into fun shapes (get some cutters from Amazon)?

• Can you talk about colours, maybe on a rota e.g. "today were going to have a green/yellow/red thing with dinner, what could we have?" And use that colour cup/plate, wear that colour top, whatever works or you have available!

I also make sure I do all my "teaching" about food not at mealtimes. So when playing with her kitchen/shopping till etc we will talk about the foods and what they do for our bodies etc, but not at the table. It seemed like too much pressure at that time. But sometimes at mealtimes she would repeat back to me things I'd told her when playing etc.

The only cajoling/reminding etc I do at mealtimes is "we won't be eating again today (or not until teatime etc) so you need to make sure your tummy is full. Are you sure you have eaten enough?"

Caveat that when ill, everything goes out the window and I will let her eat pretty much anything she likes so long as it's got calories in it!

have you tried watching supernanny episodes on YouTube about fussy eaters. She had some great tips.

I wouldn't give her biscuits as a replacement for a proper meal, but e.g. wholegrain toast with peanut butter is fine, or oatcakes and cheese, or just a banana. Small children need a lot of carbohydrate foods for growth (and proportionately, a bit less protein than adults), just try to make them healthy ones.

A good trick is to offer salad vegetables before dinner e.g. cucumber, carrot and pepper sticks, perhaps with something to dip them in. More likely to be eaten when presented alone than when given alongside something else.

Sounds like a normal 3 year old.

Stop giving her toast and biscuits! She has learned that refusing what's on offer gets her what she wants!

One of my twins used to do this. If he said no, I just said "OK, never mind" then ignored him.

If he wanted pudding he needed to try everything on the plate.

They're now 7 and eat most foods.

I'd just not make an issue out of it. Just put the food on a plate, usually with something they do like, and chat to them while you eat and ignore any mention of yuck. If they don't eat it, then say that's ok you can get down and go play... then leave their plate for later.

You sound like a really lovely mum ❤️

This

This happens in our house too.
i make food, if I get ‘I want chocolate’ I am not just going to get chocolate and let DS ignore his supper.

i say ‘you don’t have to eat it, it’s your choice’ and if he asks for something else I say you’re clearly not hungry and then ignore him. He always eats his food after 2-10 mins

The insta pages feeding littles and kids eat in colour are really helpful for tips on this! She's 3 so it's totally normal, but there are ways to make it less stressful.