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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On line guy closing off conversation for weekend.

56 replies

itsonlylove · 26/05/2023 12:23

He is separated. Sees his kids every weekend for the whole weekend and just told me that he goes off grid every weekend despite is chatting all week long .
He doesn't live near where he works so travels a considerable difference to see them each weekend.
I feel insulted despite knowing how busy he is at weekends etc
What would you advise me to say?
How do I respond to that?

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 26/05/2023 12:24

Sounds like he's married to be honest. Does his Facebook page say he's single?

gallina · 26/05/2023 12:25

Are you sure he's not with his wife and kids at the weekend and that's why he can't chat? As in, the wife has no idea they are 'separated'

ButterflyBitch · 26/05/2023 12:26

Are you sure he’s separated?

WillYouDoTheFandango · 26/05/2023 12:26

Whether you believe he’s actually separated or not, if no communication all weekend doesn’t work for you then end it. It wouldn’t be okay for me and I’d say “That’s not going to work for me so best we leave this now. Best of luck.” But I’m not you…

Darthwazette · 26/05/2023 12:26

Bit weird, kids sleep. Even if he’s focused on them all day he must have some down time?

pannikin · 26/05/2023 12:30

He's still married, works away and goes home to his wife and kids on Fridays

Hazelnuttella · 26/05/2023 12:31

If that was true he could chat once the kids were in bed.

Original poster
itsonlylove · 26/05/2023 12:32

His story is that he and his wife separated after she had affair. He moved away for work to save kids from finding out and splitting the home .
He goes home every weekend to parent the kids and she heads away mostly or else he takes the kids away most weekend .
No sign f him on fb and says he doesn't do sm .
Do i shut this down

OP posts:
DiIIy · 26/05/2023 12:33

Hes not separated

Beezknees · 26/05/2023 12:34

He's still married. Run.

Addymontgomeryfan · 26/05/2023 12:34

It really sounds like he works away from home during the week, and then goes home to his wife and kids at the weekend.

Crossstitching · 26/05/2023 12:35

I imagine the wife would tell another story, a completely different story, whereas they’re still very much married

Hazelnuttella · 26/05/2023 12:36

Even if that set up is true, apart from the fact he seems to think it’s okay to lie to his children, it also leaves no room in his life for a new gf, so there’s no point in you talking to him!

RoseRobot · 26/05/2023 12:37

Goes off grid? I'd translate that as: "I'm married and hope you were born yesterday."

gallina · 26/05/2023 12:41

Yes shut it down. What a wanker he is!

FeigningConcern · 26/05/2023 12:43

Yeah. That's a really fishy story. Who would do that?!? Trick your kids into thinking you are still together? And "pretend" to be still in a relationship when he's there at the weekend? Even if she goes away when he's there there will still be cross over. And as they get older and more "aware" of how weird it is that mum and dad are never together, how's that going to work? And when he or the "ex" gets into a new serious relationship and wants to move in with someone what happens then, hide that from the kids as well? At what point do you tell the kids? At 15 suddenly say Yes we've been fooling you all these years kids, we aren't together? That's going to go well.

He's definitely married and looking for an affair. Or perhaps a second "in the week" relationship like one of those bigamists who have two completely separate families.

Original poster
itsonlylove · 26/05/2023 12:46

I'm like a lunatic now !
Give me a good smart response to shut down please .
He is so nonchalant then
He said that he hoped I had a good weekend and that he was travelling soon ... so I asked if he was off grid for the weekend to which he replied' yes '!!!!!

OP posts:
Peach0123 · 26/05/2023 13:09

Do you see this guy in person?
If not I would just block him completely, it wont make any difference to him what you say as he clearly does not care about your feelings.

FWIW I was seeing a guy briefly in my early 20s who gave me this exact story on a weekend. I quickly got rid and later found out from his work mate he was very much with his partner.

TheStrangestTimes · 26/05/2023 13:15

I'd just block and delete the number from my phone. You really, really do not owe this married loser any explanation as he should be able to figure out for himself that he's been rumbled - providing he thinks with the head on his shoulders rather than the head in his pants for a moment, that is.

Hope you are OK, OP. They are shits aren't they.

PhoenixArisen · 26/05/2023 13:17

I also don't think his wife realises they're separated. This seems to be a very common situation.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 26/05/2023 13:21

He's definitely still married OP. It is so depressing how common this is.

Original poster
itsonlylove · 26/05/2023 13:31

What I've done is ... I've messaged to ask him why?
Considering he has young teens he surely has free time in the evenings and considering g his wife had an affair and they've separated , surely she understands that he will be seeing people etc..

I told him that I had no interest in such restricted and regulated communication parameters as a grown single woman in her late forties and said good luck.

So for any of you lovely ladies living in Ireland and have a doting husband from the west , working in the south of Ireland Sunday to Friday .... feel free to pm me ! I may save you a lot of heart ache down the road ....

Bollix

OP posts:
squidgybits · 26/05/2023 13:40

That old chestnut!

willWillSmithsmith · 26/05/2023 13:42

If this was all above board I see no reason why he should go off grid at the weekends, it simply doesn’t make sense. Even if he wanted to devote his time to his children his nighttimes would be free to pay you some attention. It totally sounds like he’s still very much married and works away during the week.

RabbitRabbitRabbitHouse · 26/05/2023 13:45

Even if he's not still married it's not an ideal situation for you to get involved in if you want a relationship?