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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On line guy closing off conversation for weekend.

56 replies

itsonlylove · 26/05/2023 12:23

He is separated. Sees his kids every weekend for the whole weekend and just told me that he goes off grid every weekend despite is chatting all week long .
He doesn't live near where he works so travels a considerable difference to see them each weekend.
I feel insulted despite knowing how busy he is at weekends etc
What would you advise me to say?
How do I respond to that?

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 26/05/2023 13:52

Have you met the man in person? This seems like a lot of drama for a guy you are only chatting with online. Just stop the communication with him.

I admitted in a recent OLD thread that I’m a dinosaur 🦕 and have never had the pleasure of OLD, but I can’t imagine getting so invested in what amounts to a pen pal.

Who cares if he’s married or separated, devoted to his kids, or spends his weekends dressed as chicken worshipping oak trees. If it’s not working for you just walk away.

Loafbeginsat60 · 26/05/2023 13:57

Did he reply?? Definitely still going home to the wife!

PerryMenno · 26/05/2023 14:01

Bloody hell, how stupid does this prat think women are?!

Original poster
itsonlylove · 26/05/2023 14:09

Hasn't replied . He has a four hour car journey ahead of him .
Ireland is a village . Everyone knows everyone else and if you need research done, word of mouth is a lot faster then Google around here .
The idiot gave me so much personal specific information that he could be easily outed . I couldn't make the call to the wife but if she contacted me, I wouldnt think twice about telling her everything .
I feel
So stupid.
A handsome, tall , fit forty something engineer ... more fool me .
Three teens. Very involved Dad . Think I'm the fool.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 26/05/2023 14:15

itsonlylove · 26/05/2023 12:32

His story is that he and his wife separated after she had affair. He moved away for work to save kids from finding out and splitting the home .
He goes home every weekend to parent the kids and she heads away mostly or else he takes the kids away most weekend .
No sign f him on fb and says he doesn't do sm .
Do i shut this down

Come on. This is not even a good cover story.

catsnhats11 · 26/05/2023 14:18

Well done for calling him out. Even if his story is true (ha!) there's no reason for zero communication, there always time for a quick text.

LadyEloise1 · 26/05/2023 14:19

Ireland is a village @itsonlylove.
Why not go over to the Craicnet section on Mumsnet. A poster there will probably have all the info on him you need.

Sorry you seem to have met a bad 'un

piedbeauty · 26/05/2023 14:24

Beezknees · 26/05/2023 12:34

He's still married. Run.

Yep...

catsnhats11 · 26/05/2023 14:24

LadyEloise1 · 26/05/2023 14:19

Ireland is a village @itsonlylove.
Why not go over to the Craicnet section on Mumsnet. A poster there will probably have all the info on him you need.

Sorry you seem to have met a bad 'un

OP dropped a nice little description in tere, someone will probably recognise him from this thread 😉

Glitterb · 26/05/2023 14:26

run a mile, he absolutely still ‘happily’ married and even if he was separated then is this really a relationship that you want?

tailinthejam · 26/05/2023 16:43

itsonlylove · 26/05/2023 12:46

I'm like a lunatic now !
Give me a good smart response to shut down please .
He is so nonchalant then
He said that he hoped I had a good weekend and that he was travelling soon ... so I asked if he was off grid for the weekend to which he replied' yes '!!!!!

"Say 'Hi' to your wife and kids from me!"

Honestly, you are completely wasting your time even thinking about this man.

Testina · 26/05/2023 16:46

Oh love, I can’t believe you fell for that!

Original poster
itsonlylove · 26/05/2023 16:50

I see it now but we were only chatting g. It's when he shut it down for the weekend , I was like WTF?
I'm very angry, probably triggered and hurt.
He was very convincing.
Yes I see that I was an idiot .

OP posts:
Neverinamonthofsundays · 26/05/2023 17:10

itsonlylove · 26/05/2023 14:09

Hasn't replied . He has a four hour car journey ahead of him .
Ireland is a village . Everyone knows everyone else and if you need research done, word of mouth is a lot faster then Google around here .
The idiot gave me so much personal specific information that he could be easily outed . I couldn't make the call to the wife but if she contacted me, I wouldnt think twice about telling her everything .
I feel
So stupid.
A handsome, tall , fit forty something engineer ... more fool me .
Three teens. Very involved Dad . Think I'm the fool.

If Ireland is 'only a village' then you seem to be its idiot. Ireland is NOT as tiny as you might think so this makes me assume you are not from here as we have about 5million people on this island.

You posted another thread with other details about this lad. YOu have not met him, have not seen a picture of him and yet you somehow think that if his wife somehow works out (out of all the men that live in the west and work in the south if that is true) will see this and message you then you are in la la land.

LadyEloise1 · 26/05/2023 17:31

@Neverinamonthofsundays It was I who said Ireland is a village. You can almost always find someone you know in common when chatting to someone here.

WoofWoofBeachLife · 26/05/2023 18:07

Ireland as in across the water and Belfast Ireland? It's certainly not a village 😂🤔

Peachy2005 · 26/05/2023 18:08

Ireland kind of is like a big village…like if I knew OP and she told me the name of the guy and where he’s from, there’d be a very good chance my mother (a proper irish mammy with fingers in all the pies) could figure out someone she knows who knows him or his wife or someone in their family. It’s scary really 🤣

gallina · 26/05/2023 18:16

@itsonlylove he's the idiot, not you!

Americano75 · 26/05/2023 18:17

You're not an idiot, he's a prick.

Muncha · 26/05/2023 18:18

Best to know now. He's a liar.

Neverinamonthofsundays · 26/05/2023 18:25

Peachy2005 · 26/05/2023 18:08

Ireland kind of is like a big village…like if I knew OP and she told me the name of the guy and where he’s from, there’d be a very good chance my mother (a proper irish mammy with fingers in all the pies) could figure out someone she knows who knows him or his wife or someone in their family. It’s scary really 🤣

Well now yes my mother would try her best to find someone she knows in common (always calls people by first and last name when talking about them and looks around in case Philomena Byrne from Cork might know Patricia Mulcahy from Wicklow ffs) but I am of the newer age and in Dublin and pride myself in knowing feckin nobody.

Neverinamonthofsundays · 26/05/2023 18:26

LadyEloise1 · 26/05/2023 17:31

@Neverinamonthofsundays It was I who said Ireland is a village. You can almost always find someone you know in common when chatting to someone here.

I think my issue is being anti social. I do not want to know anymore people than I already do. I suck at being Irish.

Weallgottachangesometime · 26/05/2023 18:29

Oh lord what a shit cover story. How on earth can someone live with themselves lying like that!!

determinedtomakethiswork · 26/05/2023 18:31

So basically his kids don't know that they are separated and his wife doesn't know? Honest to God he can't even live properly! You won't get a reply that makes you happy now so you should just block him.

Peachy2005 · 26/05/2023 18:31

Well maybe the superpower will die out with that generation…I too am happy not knowing everyone and everyone’s business nor them mine. Think it’s a side-effect of growing up with one of those Irish mammies 😂