To think other parents shouldn't dictate how much pocket money your child gets?

[malificent7]

Dd is 14 and does have a weekend job but i give her about £3 pounds a day for snacks etc. Her absent dad gives her a small monthly allowance for clothes( not a huge sum).
In the past a friend commented that x amount was too much and they give their child x amount. I think they were expecting me to match the amount their child gets.

Aibu to think that how much money your child gets is of no concern of others and also we do not live in a fair world so kids have to learn everyone is different?

Why do you think they wanted you to change rather than just commenting?

Well just ignore surely ?
my 16 doesn't get a regular amount from us but he gets money as he needs it and my mum gives him money when she sees him ,we do what works for us .

It’s up to you, although £60 a month for snacks is a lot.

It's not just snacks...its for whatever she wants after school...i'm cool with it. She is a teen and needs to eat lots.

Why are you discussing this, you wouldn’t discuss your own salary?

If you're cool with it why give this person any headspace? Was it just a one off comment?

If she’s spending it all on rubbish then it’s too much. If she isn’t then it’s not.

I'm guessing the kids have compared notes. But yeah. Just don't discuss it.

She's not dictating, just expressing an opinion.

I don't think they were expecting you to match anything, they just thought £90 a month pocket money is insane.

£3 is a lot for snacks, if that was lunch money fair enough but for after school I would be too though wouldn't say anything. Teens do not need to eat a lot of junk, they need 3 nutritious meals a day like adults and children over 5.

I found it useful to know what their friends were getting, my older DC are in university now but when they were in college I raised their allowance based on the fact most of their friends were receiving the EMA.

Isn't it more likely that she was just making conversation, rather than expecting you to change what you do?

It’s just an opinion!

And one I agree with - £3 a day to spend on “snacks” is a lot. Is she feeding herself from a shop after school every day? My teen would do this if she could (I say feeding: I mean sharing bags of chocolate buttons!) because their school lunch break is short and she often talks instead of eating.

But see, I can express that opinion here with zero expectation that you change.

It’s no one’s business other than yours. Nothing wrong with the amount you’re giving her. At that age I was getting £100 a month to spend on what I liked and that was in the late ‘90s. My parents weren’t rich but just wanted me to learn about budgeting and saving etc.

Why even give it any head space if you are 'cool' with it @malificent7 ?

I think it’s one of those things whereby there will always be differing opinions and if you don’t want to hear them don’t discuss the issue.

With her £21 a week from you, the money she's earning her own and dad's allowance. She must be receiving near on £200 a month or more?

If that works for you then great, but I know I'd not be buying anything for her other than basic food and shoes etc. All presents, trips with friends, designer gear, bubble teas etc would all have to come from her!

@malificent7 £15 a week doesn’t seem a lot to me, it’s less than my under 10 gets.

My best friend gives her’s less, but then buys more toys than me… everyone does things differently.

Don’t discuss it with weird judgy types!

You wouldn't say anything but then proceed to say something wha?

Doesn't seem that much to me? And also don't get the snippy 'why would you discuss this?' replies. Its only a chat about pocket money, hardly state secrets.
Don't overthink it OP. We all do things differently.

Pocket money is so personal. IME parents with less often to give more, those with more often want their kids to learn value that they won’t naturally see in their everyday privileged lives. We are wealthy, we give our teen £20 per month. We buy her clothes (not the £2 crop tops from primary, she gets those herself)but the £20 is for bubble teas, bus fares (not for school), any snacking. it’s AMAZING how they learn the value of money when they have v little. She goes to town with friends most weeks but takes a water bottle and a sandwich, having realised that a 5 guys costs 20 quid and a bubble tea is the same amount as her entire weekly allowance. It teaches budgeting but also limits excess crap eating which sadly is endemic now in our culture and something we didn’t want for our kids.

£3 on snacks a day sounds like a road to obesity to me

Sounds quite a lot to me, but it’s your choice; I hate parents telling out her parents what to do.

I had a school mum ask if I could stop letting my DC sit in the front of the car, as her DC was asking to sit in the front but she didn’t think it was safe. You tell them that then, own your parenting.

*other parents