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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think other parents shouldn't dictate how much pocket money your child gets?

56 replies

malificent7 · 26/05/2023 06:57

Dd is 14 and does have a weekend job but i give her about £3 pounds a day for snacks etc. Her absent dad gives her a small monthly allowance for clothes( not a huge sum).
In the past a friend commented that x amount was too much and they give their child x amount. I think they were expecting me to match the amount their child gets.

Aibu to think that how much money your child gets is of no concern of others and also we do not live in a fair world so kids have to learn everyone is different?

OP posts:
Rumsworthbumsworth · 26/05/2023 08:48

@Guiltridden12345 do you find she is limited socially with such a small allowance or do you fund activities on top of the £20?

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 26/05/2023 08:49

DD (12) gets her child benefit, so £20 a week. And she can spend it on whatever she wants (except for vapes. Money would stop in an instant if she started to vape).

ThatOnePlease · 26/05/2023 08:55

Give your child whatever you want.

I think no matter how much or lityle you give, giving it in cash is great (lots of teens have debit cards with limited amounts that parents can top up). I think cash helps with budgeting and understanding what things cost, more than a card.

Usernamen · 26/05/2023 09:18

Peacepudding · 26/05/2023 07:41

I don't think they were expecting you to match anything, they just thought £90 a month pocket money is insane.

Why is it insane? At least there’s some structure and the DD can learn to budget etc.

The parents in my wider family just buy their kids whatever they want when they want, in the way of snacks, drinks, etc. I’m certain it adds up to more than £90 a month.

Guiltridden12345 · 26/05/2023 09:19

Rumsworthbumsworth · 26/05/2023 08:48

@Guiltridden12345 do you find she is limited socially with such a small allowance or do you fund activities on top of the £20?

If she is, I think it’s a good thing. Few of her friends have unlimited means so they do cheap or free stuff - window shop, hang out at the park, go for a walk in the woods. I had nothing as a child and yet it didn’t stop me socialising. You cut your cloth. We want her to learn that too.

we pay for her sports clubs, occasional special trips out. Then it’s a treat, not an expectation: it would be easy (perhaps easier) for us to just give her a credit card but it what would that teach her about hard work and reward and actual real life?

RhosynBach · 26/05/2023 09:23

Is £3 for lunch too? If not I think £3 a day for snacks is a lot of snacks too. Maybe your friend was just commenting as opposed to expecting you to match hers

budgiegirl · 26/05/2023 09:36

I think £3 per day just for snacks is a lot, not so much from the money side, but the amount of snacks she must be eating.

I gave my teens £35 per month (although did also pay for their phones as Christmas presents, gym membership as part of a family membership, and basic clothes). If they needed more money than that, they got a weekend job.

That said, it's your business what money you give to your DD. If you are happy to give that much, then crack on, just ignore what other people think.

FarmGirl78 · 26/05/2023 10:22

UpdownUpdownAltogetherNow · 26/05/2023 07:51

It’s no one’s business other than yours. Nothing wrong with the amount you’re giving her. At that age I was getting £100 a month to spend on what I liked and that was in the late ‘90s. My parents weren’t rich but just wanted me to learn about budgeting and saving etc.

@UpdownUpdownAltogetherNow Genuine question....Did you learn about budgeting from that experience or not? I'd like to think I would do, but 14 year old me would probably have understood the concept but blown the money anyway. Did you find it helped you?

UpdownUpdownAltogetherNow · 26/05/2023 10:29

It did help me learn. I put some aside to save up for big items I wanted while also enjoying trips to the cinema and basic meals out during the month and some smaller purchases like CDs etc.

Rightnowstraightaway · 26/05/2023 15:25

It varied massively when I was a teen. I hardly got anything, I think when I was 10 I must have got about £1/week as I remember saving for a month to buy a book I wanted. But my Mum did support us in getting a paper round (we were too young to have one but Mum did it with us and we got to keep the money). We got part time jobs at 15. Crap pay - was about £3.50/hr! Which was crappy even back then. I am very good with money.

Some of my friends got much much more pocket money, but they were expected to buy all their own clothes, outings etc from it. I didn't have to buy anything like that with mine. Mostly went on books and sweets.

honeylulu · 26/05/2023 17:25

It's none of her business really. I've been told (when asked, I don't volunteer it) that some people think we give our son (18 but still 6th form educated) "too much". But it's all about the bigger picture including the child learning about budgeting particularly if they're not good at it! We give our son £20 a week plus extra if we ask him to babysit youngest or do specific odd jobs like painting the gates or varnishing outdoor furniture. We pay for his phone, Spotify, bus pass (topped up as often as needed), basic clothing, toiletries and he can request snacks and packed lunch from the Tesco shop. He can also use my car and doesn't have to contribute to petro. If he runs out of money it's tough there is no more until next due date. If he wants snacks he buys them from his money. If he buys lunch at college instead of taking a "free" packed lunch that's out of his own money. If he wants extra clothing beyond the basic stuff he needs (he does choose this himself) he has to save up or wait for Christmas or birthday. He's expected to do basic chores (mainly just clearing up after himself) and not be rude or obnoxious. Persistent failings result in a deduction from the allowance. It has worked pretty well because there are clear and transparent rules and we don't deviate from them. Giving him money "when he needs it" wouldn't have worked well. He would have "needed" a lot and regularly. This way is better for us. One if my friends thinks it's really shocking he is paid to babysit sibling but simultaneously thinks I'm "mean" for not giving him extra money for lunch and snacks! Everyone is different and you know what works for your family.

darjeelingrose · 26/05/2023 20:16

As an absolute, you aren't actually being unreasonable in the question that you ask in your OP, but you come across as very insecure. I would never think of caring what other parents did in these circumstances in the slightest. It is absolutely irrelevant. Nobody is dictating anything, it's a really weird premise.

SchoolTripDrama · 26/05/2023 20:38

EnaSharplesStout · 26/05/2023 08:15

@malificent7 £15 a week doesn’t seem a lot to me, it’s less than my under 10 gets.

My best friend gives her’s less, but then buys more toys than me… everyone does things differently.

Don’t discuss it with weird judgy types!

You give a child under 10 more than £15 a week?! That's ridiculous! What on earth do they need with that amount of money?! My 8yr old gets £20 a month and is very happy with this

Goodadvice1980 · 26/05/2023 20:57

It’s none of her business.

No idea why people feel the need to constantly over share private details in their life!

Florenz · 26/05/2023 21:02

It's no wonder kids today are so fat when their parents give them £3 a day to spend on "snacks".

Dumbo18 · 26/05/2023 21:12

I’ve read this again and again but I’m struggling to see where she was dictating how much you should give your child? I can see she expressed an opinion but that’s about it

EnaSharplesStout · 26/05/2023 21:31

SchoolTripDrama · 26/05/2023 20:38

You give a child under 10 more than £15 a week?! That's ridiculous! What on earth do they need with that amount of money?! My 8yr old gets £20 a month and is very happy with this

Show quote history

Yep, if he earns it. He gets a set amount (£5 a week) and then can earn more by doing jobs around the house (he has PDA so this is part of an overall drive to help him overcome his resistance to demands occasionally… it’s a work in progress!). He hardly ever spends any money… he has spent £9 in the last 3 weeks. He just saves it all up then buys himself something he considers special every so often. He also decided to give a set amount to charity each month.

HepzibahSmyth · 29/05/2023 17:41

Just admit you wanted to brag about how much money you can give your kid while making a dig at “other parents” who don’t/can’t.

🙄

drpet49 · 29/05/2023 17:49

cuckyplunt · 26/05/2023 07:37

Why are you discussing this, you wouldn’t discuss your own salary?

@cuckyplunt eh? Why not? In my friendship
circle we openly talk about our wages. It isn’t some dirty secret.

drpet49 · 29/05/2023 17:51

Florenz · 26/05/2023 21:02

It's no wonder kids today are so fat when their parents give them £3 a day to spend on "snacks".

This

Troubledwaters34 · 29/05/2023 18:01

Where does everyone live for 3.00 a day for snacks a day equals obesity ! Snacks are also not always Unhealthy.
unless you know what she is buying you can’t just assume.

Weallgottachangesometime · 29/05/2023 18:07

malificent7 · 26/05/2023 06:57

Dd is 14 and does have a weekend job but i give her about £3 pounds a day for snacks etc. Her absent dad gives her a small monthly allowance for clothes( not a huge sum).
In the past a friend commented that x amount was too much and they give their child x amount. I think they were expecting me to match the amount their child gets.

Aibu to think that how much money your child gets is of no concern of others and also we do not live in a fair world so kids have to learn everyone is different?

annoying That they gave an opinion on your pocket money without being asked. However why do you think this meant that they expect you to give your child the same?

penniesmakeshillingsandshillingsmakepounds · 29/05/2023 18:38

Mine gets the same, she is not fat, obese, ungrateful or any of the other derogatory terms used in this thread.

cocoloco117 · 29/05/2023 19:15

OooohKeepYourKnickersOn · 26/05/2023 07:58

Why even give it any head space if you are 'cool' with it @malificent7 ?

yeh, so ‘cool’ that she jumps straight onto MN in search of reassurance.

IWonderWhereThatDishDidGo · 29/05/2023 19:18

Yanbu. It isn't her business and I don't think £15 a week is a huge amount of money.

Agree she may just be expressing an opinion rather than genuinely trying to dictate to you, but it is still a bit of a weird opinion to express unless you specifically asked her