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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

what a surprise..it has started!

598 replies

momager1 · 25/05/2023 20:52

long story, short.
husband and I took early retirement and sold our home in Canada. 7 weeks ago we moved to a condo that we had purchased previously (for our retirement) In Dominican Republic. 3 min walk to gorgeous bavaro beach, lots of quirky little eateries, Small condo complex but upscale with two large pools and 2 bbq gazebos with included gas bbqs and dining tables for the owners to use. SURPRISE. 3 couples that we have not had alot of socializing with have all sent messages this week. 1 looking to stay a week in august, 1 a week in October, and the other couple want to bring their two kids over CHRISTMAS!! I need to figure out a good response to them all. I did want to message back FUCK OFF but my husband thought it was a bit harsh haha. Couple one have always been good hosts as have we on the rare occasion that we have been in each others house ( and good dinner guests, including asking what they can bring and when i say nothing, they showed up with flowers and two bottles of wine as they didn't know what i was cooking, so a red and a white) Couple Two. had them over for a bbq once. nice enough people that lived in our culdesac, but showed up empty handed and then asked for some of the leftovers as she didn't have time to make anything for their packed lunches the next day (it was a lunch bbq over at 5 pm) Couple three. JUST NO. In the message they sent they said that they know it is just two bedrooms two baths, but the kids could sleep in the livingroom and share THEIR bathroom. And they were so looking forward to my cooking for the week as they are not in a position to eat out much !! ( I am a NOW RETIRED restaurant owning chef. NO NOPE NOPITY NOPE.
So. How do I word my messages back to them that does not include FUCK OFF ?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
OhcantthInkofaname · 26/05/2023 20:08

momager1 · 26/05/2023 15:39

just for a peek...before I head to beach. This is a piece of my lasagna recipe

I'd bite. And I prefer veggie Alfredo lasagna but that looks so good.

I have friends who bought a condo in the Dominican Republic like you. They bought a second one for guests and to rent out. They make it known to guests that the rentals have priority as 2+ weeks of rentals covers 5 weeks of condo expenses. They have gotten a couple of guests that want them to cancel rentals for them. They told friends and family that this is the last year for guests. The condo will be converted to total rentals.

Ponderosamum · 26/05/2023 20:15

Ponderosamum · 26/05/2023 20:01

OP, I would just say to all of them, 'Sorry, hosting house guests was never on our agenda for our 2 bed retirement condo. Of course, it would be lovely to see you during your holiday should you decide to come out, but I'm afraid that you will need to find your own accommodation for your trip.

sorry should have read further on ! well done OP i was absolutely gobsmacked at their cheek !!!

ChilledBeez · 26/05/2023 20:15

I really like this response. 😂😂😂

Ellyess · 26/05/2023 20:16

Wow! I've been through your messages and it sounds as though you've handled it with great aplomb! You said what I was going to suggest to #3 regarding the children's disappointment.
Congratulations on all the refusals!

My experience was a kind of watered down version. I moved from the south of England where I grew up and lived while married and the children were at school and came to the East Midlands. I live near a lovely part of England that is popular for lovers of outdoor pursuits to visit. But as soon as I arrived here, the 'We are on our way to Scotland and need to stop over for a night.... We want to go to .... can we stay with you?' even one "we are going to the National Exhibition Centre and want to be there early in the morning so thought if we stayed with you." I explained, I am in East Midlands, the NEC is West Midlands, to which she replied, "I know my geography". I had the last laugh when they asked me, before going to bed, how much time they would need for the journey from my house to the NEC. Their faces were a study when I said. It was about the same as it would be from their home...

I would say these were 'requests' but they were more like orders. People would just phone and say, "We'll be coming to you on..." It kept rolling in from remote family and people from school, friends of my mother, all from whom I had not heard for years while in the south. I could not say no. I was very upset. I'd been widowed and my youngest, still at school, was with me. I had to keep working and the move was partly connected to that. I was hurt that these people didn't see what a lot of problems their appearance caused. They expected hotel service, to be fed and given entertainment. Even whole days out, to be taken around the area to see the lovely views etc. I was exhausted and quite hard up. Moving house had been hard, getting the house sorted out was so difficult while trying to keep working in a different place a lot of the time. My husband having died, I had to do all the 'handy man' jobs to make things work, from setting up the electronic stuff to putting up shelves. I was also frequently needed to collect DD every time when she went to a friend and so I was very busy.

Yup, some people are so selfish. Interestingly, nobody asks to stay any more... fingers crossed...

But I'm so glad I came to live here. I've been here about 27 years and the time has flown by.

I wish you great happiness in your long retirement. It's so wise of you to take it early when you can enjoy it actively together. I know how hard you must have worked as a Chef. Running a restaurant is shatteringly exhausting. You certainly deserve your time in the blissful surroundings you have chosen! And lots of love xx to the dogs! Mine are jealous!

(P.S. My plane gets in at 9 next Wed. pick me up at Arrivals. I'm staying a week. Bringing all 5 dogs with me. I'll have duck and asparagus for lunch with a lemon meringue for pudding.😂 😁 🤣)

ChilledBeez · 26/05/2023 20:26

The absolute nerve of ALL of them. Couple one don't sound that bad - but still cf's. so I would text them and say "We've only just got here!" Couple 2 - c.f's sound like cheapskates who wouldn't pay for anything once they got there anyway. So I would respond with "No". Couple 3 - Big Time C.F's and I would send a message back saying " Are you Serious??"

ChilledBeez · 26/05/2023 20:36

Just brilliant!

BTMadmummy · 26/05/2023 20:45

momager1 · 25/05/2023 21:36

@Batalax depends. If you are from Ireland and bring me a very large crate of tayto cheese and onion (not walkers, must be tayto) We can talk lol . Oh and germolene. LOTS of germolene

Southern Tayto or Northern Tayto 🤣🤣

BTMadmummy · 26/05/2023 20:50

momager1 · 25/05/2023 22:49

@MadeForThis YES. I am from belfast and honestly I always just say Ireland as no one in canada understands the difference and I was sick of explaining.

Oh well I’m definitely due an invite then as so am I 🤣 - hence my username

ChangedForEmbarrassingQuestions · 26/05/2023 20:52

momager1 · 26/05/2023 15:08

well it is done. 10 minutes ago they called in and cancelled the reso for tonight. It MAY be because I fired of one last message. I said " I know i do not own the restaurant anymore, but all those employees are mine and loyal to me. They know that you have been told no to visiting. Our daughter is working tonight but she will not be discussing her parents carribean home as she is there to do a job and she must model professional conduct to ensure her employees do the same. No one at the restaurant will be discussing our home with you. I am not responsible for the fact that you told your kids anything. I am sorry for the kids if they are disappointed but you set them up for that, not me. This is the last communication I will have on this matter.

OP I cannot believe you have spoken to her like this. How utterly and unnecessarily rude of you.

How am I going to entertain myself with bonkers Mumsnet threads of unwelcome visitors at Christmas now?

I might have to……oh I dunno………..might have to watch telly or summit instead.

😆

Baytree55 · 26/05/2023 21:45

To 2 and 3. "We didn't really intend having endless guests, and have been inundated with requests!" And "If snd when we do decide to start running a hotel, we'll be sure to let you know!"

Pashazade · 26/05/2023 21:51

Nicely handled OP, I'm now here for the Cheesecake recipe! 😁

SausageinaBun · 26/05/2023 22:12

Glad you've sorted the CFs.

Now onto the real question. What do you do with that much germoline?

Roxy69 · 26/05/2023 22:28

BellaJuno · 25/05/2023 21:07

I’d reply “You wouldn’t believe the number of people asking to stay with us! We’re not hosting anyone for the forseeable as we settle in to our new life but if you end up in the area, do let us know and we’ll meet up for dinner”

This is a great answer.
Enjoy your retirement 💐

NoraBattysCurlers · 26/05/2023 22:30

Neveramum · 26/05/2023 17:09

‘Sorry, not able to accommodate guests but would love to stay with you when we visit Canada’

This gets my vote.

momager1 · 26/05/2023 22:34

back from the beach. a few too many margaritas so recipe will be forthcoming in the morning. @SausageinaBun germolene fixes everything. from burns to scrapes to mozzie bites. Only reason I look for alot of it at a time is because it can be several years between batches. My husband (canadian) now loves it and swears by it for EVERYTHING.

OP posts:
ScottBakula · 26/05/2023 22:36

@momager1 You have handled the CFs with a lot more grace than I could of mustard.
I hope you can share this thread with your DD I am sure she will be equally outraged.
tell her to print it and share with the other staff (may be a bit unprofessional but who cares)

I hope you , your DH & Dpoodles have wonderful long and happy retirement.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/05/2023 22:37

@TEARELBO what in the name of all that is holy is red lemonade when it’s at home?!!!

Newestname002 · 26/05/2023 22:40

@Ellyess

I could not say no.

The way these people trod all over your wishes sounds hard. I hope that, if they ever start again with their demands, you can repel boarders firmly and without any subtle politeness. It's hard, the first few times, to say "No!!" But it does get easier and your gut stops cramping up when you get used to it. 🌹

poptypingchef · 26/05/2023 22:41

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 26/05/2023 22:37

@TEARELBO what in the name of all that is holy is red lemonade when it’s at home?!!!

Oh man you haven’t lived! Wait till you find out Ireland has brown lemonade and refer to lemonade as white lemonade

ScottBakula · 26/05/2023 22:42

Ha ha germolene fixes everything. from burns to scrapes to mozzie bites. You are right, I think if I'd gone to my mum when I was little with my arm hanging off she would of put a bit on the open wound and expected me to go back out to play 😁

Cookiemonstersnana · 26/05/2023 22:45

I'm allergic to Germoline.
But can I still come and stay for the cheesecake.

CountessWindyBottom · 26/05/2023 22:46

I'm having difficulty realigning my dropped jaw into place at the record-breaking level of cheeky fuckery displayed by them all but couple three were in a league of their own. You handled it all incredibly well. In my experience I find that with cheeky fuckers extraordinaire, one's responses must be commensurate with their request. In retrospect, your initial temptation of telling them to fuck off may have just been the thing. In any event, you handled it well but it beggars belief that they kept pushing like that. How are they not mortified?

Not to make your jealous or anything, but picked up a six pack of cheese and onion Tayto for the kids earlier.

E17Stowmum · 26/05/2023 23:03

You and your friends could reflect on to what degree your relationships are based on genuine affection, or on economic exchange.
Generally the answer lies somewhere in between.

whirlyswirly · 26/05/2023 23:05

Imagine if you had changed your mind after the text exchange and let them come. How bloody awkward would that have been after this drama? Why would anyone in their right mind push themselves on someone?

Also have major life choice envy here. Although it is very lovely where we live and we've had to fend off our share of cheeky feckers over the years.

momager1 · 26/05/2023 23:12

@E17Stowmum I don't think some people understand. # 1 is a friend but not a close friend. Had dinners together over ten years maybe 4 times total. #2 was a neighbor that we invited for a bbq (that lots of neighbors were at) never stepped foot in their house. # 3 was a CUSTOMER from the restaurant I just sold. Never socialized at all other than at the restaurant and 2 or 3 local events where we chatted. The 4th that I said called me last night IS a friend. he will be here to surprise my husband in two weeks. He booked this afternoon. TRUE friends will be welcome with open arms and good food

OP posts:
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