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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

what a surprise..it has started!

598 replies

momager1 · 25/05/2023 20:52

long story, short.
husband and I took early retirement and sold our home in Canada. 7 weeks ago we moved to a condo that we had purchased previously (for our retirement) In Dominican Republic. 3 min walk to gorgeous bavaro beach, lots of quirky little eateries, Small condo complex but upscale with two large pools and 2 bbq gazebos with included gas bbqs and dining tables for the owners to use. SURPRISE. 3 couples that we have not had alot of socializing with have all sent messages this week. 1 looking to stay a week in august, 1 a week in October, and the other couple want to bring their two kids over CHRISTMAS!! I need to figure out a good response to them all. I did want to message back FUCK OFF but my husband thought it was a bit harsh haha. Couple one have always been good hosts as have we on the rare occasion that we have been in each others house ( and good dinner guests, including asking what they can bring and when i say nothing, they showed up with flowers and two bottles of wine as they didn't know what i was cooking, so a red and a white) Couple Two. had them over for a bbq once. nice enough people that lived in our culdesac, but showed up empty handed and then asked for some of the leftovers as she didn't have time to make anything for their packed lunches the next day (it was a lunch bbq over at 5 pm) Couple three. JUST NO. In the message they sent they said that they know it is just two bedrooms two baths, but the kids could sleep in the livingroom and share THEIR bathroom. And they were so looking forward to my cooking for the week as they are not in a position to eat out much !! ( I am a NOW RETIRED restaurant owning chef. NO NOPE NOPITY NOPE.
So. How do I word my messages back to them that does not include FUCK OFF ?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
Grrrpredictivetex · 26/05/2023 14:08

Absolutely gobsmacked 😶. But would also like to join the cf of asking for lasagne recipe please. Thank you

cruisebaba1 · 26/05/2023 14:11

Just be honest and say its not convenient and you are settling in. Behaviour over free holidays are the ultimate CF dry. Block.

Lougle · 26/05/2023 14:12

momager1 · 26/05/2023 14:01

My daughter just told me that the CF actually called the restaurant yesterday for Saturday reso.. asked the hostess on the phone if my daughter would be there sat night, to which the hostess said NO she is off sat and sunday this week. They then asked if she was working Friday and hostess said yes, so they asked for friday instead. Yes they are looking to railroad her. I am now royally pissed off. screw my husband saying no to FUCK OFF. I am going to have a tea and calm down a bit. Then I am going to send another message saying to leave my daughter alone and she will not be dealing with them at all tonight. UGGGHHH . They called restaurant LAST NIGHT. After I had sent the first response but they didn't reply till this morning to me.

If they behave badly they need to be banned from the restaurant.

AsACloud · 26/05/2023 14:16

momager1 · 25/05/2023 21:36

@Batalax depends. If you are from Ireland and bring me a very large crate of tayto cheese and onion (not walkers, must be tayto) We can talk lol . Oh and germolene. LOTS of germolene

Booking flights now…just wanted to confirm if it’s NI Tayto or ROI Tayto that’s required? Hate to get it wrong and get turned away at security 😉

Original poster
momager1 · 26/05/2023 14:16

@SchoolShenanigans I never said I would not host my grandchildren. I would give them MY bed. My DAUGHTER said no way, too small, not putting kids on the floor and couch (and not kicking her parents out of their bed!) I would do it in a heartbeat but SHE said no and doing the resort then just hanging out and visiting.

OP posts:
Thebigblueballoon · 26/05/2023 14:17

momager1 · 26/05/2023 14:01

My daughter just told me that the CF actually called the restaurant yesterday for Saturday reso.. asked the hostess on the phone if my daughter would be there sat night, to which the hostess said NO she is off sat and sunday this week. They then asked if she was working Friday and hostess said yes, so they asked for friday instead. Yes they are looking to railroad her. I am now royally pissed off. screw my husband saying no to FUCK OFF. I am going to have a tea and calm down a bit. Then I am going to send another message saying to leave my daughter alone and she will not be dealing with them at all tonight. UGGGHHH . They called restaurant LAST NIGHT. After I had sent the first response but they didn't reply till this morning to me.

Wow. Not just cheeky fuckers, but manipulative cheeky fuckers!! I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they withheld your daughter’s tip if she did serve them. She needs to keep WELL away from their table.

EvilElsa · 26/05/2023 14:18

With threads about these kind of CF I always baffle at their persistence. If someone basically told me to fuck off I'd be too mortified to continue my quest to holiday in their home. Would it not be the most awkward time ever?! Having an argument but still wanting to live with them in their house for two weeks?

BellaJuno · 26/05/2023 14:19

I’d get your daughter to say “Even I’m not staying with her so no chance of you being able to” - keep it brief and move on.

Original poster
momager1 · 26/05/2023 14:20

@Thebigblueballoon no worries about her tip. She never serves through weekend dinners. She is there to manage the front of house and keep the food going thru expedite windows
She can easily avoid them

OP posts:
Thebigblueballoon · 26/05/2023 14:25

momager1 · 26/05/2023 14:20

@Thebigblueballoon no worries about her tip. She never serves through weekend dinners. She is there to manage the front of house and keep the food going thru expedite windows
She can easily avoid them

Good to hear. I think your daughter has to be as confident as she can in telling these prat’s that she has nothing at all to do with your affairs, and firmly end the conversation there and then, and refuse to engage if they dare to bring it up again.

isitshe · 26/05/2023 14:25

horseyhorsey17 · 26/05/2023 09:54

I am almost impressed at the brass neck of some people.

It's astounding isn't it?
CFs give no fucks.

Fraaahnces · 26/05/2023 14:27

I think the advice to your daughter was perfect. They’re going to kick up a stink now for sure, though. I guess she can come back from any “We’ve been coming here every week for X years” comments with, “And they’ve pretended not to notice you trying to scam a kid’s meal for your kid or feeding them off your own plate when the kid’s meal was refused for X years instead of banning you from the restaurant.”

BMW6 · 26/05/2023 14:33

Wow. Just.......wow.......

Couple 3 are not Cheeky Fuckers. They are absolute Cunty Fuckers.

You would be perfectly reasonable to absolutely let them travel both barrels now.

SchoolShenanigans · 26/05/2023 14:38

momager1 · 26/05/2023 14:16

@SchoolShenanigans I never said I would not host my grandchildren. I would give them MY bed. My DAUGHTER said no way, too small, not putting kids on the floor and couch (and not kicking her parents out of their bed!) I would do it in a heartbeat but SHE said no and doing the resort then just hanging out and visiting.

I'm not sure what relevance YOUR daughter and grandkids had then. If they don't WANT to stay, then that's completely different to your 'friends'.

JulieHoney · 26/05/2023 14:47

I'm gobsmacked they would come back trying to guilt trip you into hosting them. The brass neck of some people is astonishing.

Blogswife · 26/05/2023 14:49

I’m think you now need to be blunt with them sand say in no uncertain terms that you will not be giving free holidays to acquaintances no matter how hard they try to emotionally blackmail you or your daughter and after their behaviour over this you won’t ever be reconsidering the situation.
Explain that you haven’t even hosted close friends and family yet but when you do , that will be the extent of your hosting
say if they are really keen to see you then you can recommend somewhere to stay but you are not & never will be a free hotel / air B&B . Then block then on WhatsApp etc

IncompleteSenten · 26/05/2023 14:49

I wonder if it's too late for your daughter to swap shifts.
It'd be funny for them to get there and be told she isn't working after all.

Jericha · 26/05/2023 14:52

What a shame the condo came with a covenant of no overnight guests/restrictions on visitors.

OnedayIwillfeelfree · 26/05/2023 14:58

Your dogs are gorgeous!

sheworemellowyellow · 26/05/2023 15:03

Seriously: some people have no shame. Couple #3 will keep pushing and keep pushing until they're told a firm NO. It's difficult for people to grasp just how shameless people can be when there's something free within reach, unless and until they experience it. This is your chance, OP! And, you wouldn't believe how badly these people will be talking about you in their home. They'd diss your hospitality if you they stayed with you, let alone when you refuse them! And, when you refuse them, they will speak ill of your family back in Canada, the food in your ex-restaurant, terrible service etc. It'll be all "you know we have given them sooooo much custom over the years, the best customers they've ever had, and they have zero loyalty to their paying punter. ZERO. Awful people, and since they sold the food is shite too" etc etc.

Some people are just takers. They feel entitled to the lives other people have. Just say NO and don't look back.

Original poster
momager1 · 26/05/2023 15:08

well it is done. 10 minutes ago they called in and cancelled the reso for tonight. It MAY be because I fired of one last message. I said " I know i do not own the restaurant anymore, but all those employees are mine and loyal to me. They know that you have been told no to visiting. Our daughter is working tonight but she will not be discussing her parents carribean home as she is there to do a job and she must model professional conduct to ensure her employees do the same. No one at the restaurant will be discussing our home with you. I am not responsible for the fact that you told your kids anything. I am sorry for the kids if they are disappointed but you set them up for that, not me. This is the last communication I will have on this matter.

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 26/05/2023 15:11

Good for you, OP. The friendship was well and truly over anyway- so I say good for you for calling them out on their dreadful behaviour!

IsAinmDummm · 26/05/2023 15:14

👏👏 well done!

Original poster
momager1 · 26/05/2023 15:16

heading to the beach for the rest of the morning. when I return this afternoon I will post the lasagna and the mars bar cheesecake recipes that some have asked for!

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 26/05/2023 15:21

momager1 · 26/05/2023 15:16

heading to the beach for the rest of the morning. when I return this afternoon I will post the lasagna and the mars bar cheesecake recipes that some have asked for!

If you were so inclined, please send them a picture of the beach. That would really make my day 😂