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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this is real CFery?!

41 replies

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/05/2023 23:54

My 50th soon, having a get together at the local pub. I am paying for the entertainment but as it isnt a private function room I said that I was happy for anyone in the pub to join in. Usually arent that many after 9 as it is food led.
All good.

Except I open my FB two days ago to see that the landlord has announced that "WE (note the we) are holding a Bonkers Bingo evening on Saturday so come down!" it isnt bingo but that will do. I am REALLY pissed off!

I didnt mind if anyone was already there but he is using the entertainment I am paying for to get more people in! If he had asked and maybe worded it differently I might have been ok with it, although probably not to be honest. But its the sheer cheekiness of the way he is implying that they have put this on!

Then I saw another regular tonight at work and apparently he mentioned it in the same way after their quiz night, regular also thought that that was cheeky.

Thing is, I am not very good at confrontation and dont want a bad atmosphere on Saturday. Regular will be in tomorrow (I am at work) and will make it known that I am not happy. The least he could do if offer to contribute towards the (high) cost of the entertainment!

I am thinking of replying to the FB post along the lines of "Oh, I didnt realise that you were paying for my birthday entertainment! Thanks!" and my sister has just ordered the most ridiculously large balloon thing. Oh and the guy running the entertainment is a friend and I know he will make a big thing of him being there for my birthday.

OP posts:
AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 25/05/2023 00:11

Perhaps would have been better to book a private room
Saying anyone there could join in did mean it could have gotten busy anyway. CF to decide to use it to try and bring in the punters though

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 25/05/2023 00:15

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 25/05/2023 00:11

Perhaps would have been better to book a private room
Saying anyone there could join in did mean it could have gotten busy anyway. CF to decide to use it to try and bring in the punters though

There isnt a private room to book and the regulars who would be there would have been people I would have invited to be at a party if I had booked a room somewhere else.

It started as "I will be at X pub at X time/date for birthday drinks if anyone wants to come down" then friend offered to do this entertainment and grew from there. LLady said that after 9 they are usually very quiet anyway so it all worked out ok. And now LLord has done this, which is not what we agreed.

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 25/05/2023 00:25

I would just get the entertainer to drop in your birthday and that you are all there to celebrate it together at every point. Before cards etc are handed around. Most people who didn't realise will probably not join in. Maybe talk to the landlady sounds as if there has been a lack of communication somewhere.

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 25/05/2023 00:28

Trouble is that due to both his and my work I cant get there or make a call to them before Saturday and I would rather have a chat in person than over whatsapp etc.

OP posts:
squidgybits · 25/05/2023 01:26

You can't call before Saturday? You do know pubs are open day and night?

Original poster
PyongyangKipperbang · 25/05/2023 01:30

squidgybits · 25/05/2023 01:26

You can't call before Saturday? You do know pubs are open day and night?

Yes I do however LLord has a business that means he works days and I works nights. It is him that did this not LLady so its him I need to speak to. I strongly suspect that LLady would be mortified that he did this without my knowledge.

OP posts:
Treesoutsidemywindow · 25/05/2023 01:48

If the L Lady is likely to be available to speak to, and you think she might be 'mortified', then I'd speak to her. Tell her you're not at all happy the the LL thought fit to treat your birthday party as a chance for FREE publicity, and will end up making more money out of YOU, and bearing this in mind, you think the least they can do is give you 'X' amount toward the entertainment - obviously have an enlarged figure in mind, so that you can negotiate, ie, if entertainment costing £200, then tell LL you want them to give you £125, and be prepared to settle for £100, but whatever you do, don't be wishy washy about it, tell them what you want, so that you don't end up feeling like your party has been spoiled by this, and if they don't want to play ball, then tell them that in that case you'll cancel the 'entertainment', which will make them look really stupid!! However, if you're anything like me, I'd take pleasure in telling them that you've decided to cancel the party altogether, and take it elsewhere, what a CF the LL is!

someoneisalwaysintheloo · 25/05/2023 01:55

Book it elsewhere.

Puppylover83 · 25/05/2023 01:57

If you're doing a buffet I would be prepared to be feeding the whole pub too. I would be cancelling if I was you and moving it to somewhere else , I'm sure you could arrange a new pub and entertainer via fb at short notice ... just tell the landlord this isn't what you agreed or expected for YOUR party.

You're gonna have everyone and their dog eating your food and probably before your own guests and be paying to get people into the pub too this is beyond cfery if you ask me.
Cancel and go elsewhere.

SheSaidHummingbird · 25/05/2023 02:57

Book elsewhere. Tell LL at the very last minute.

"Looks like you'll have a night quiet night after all!"

JandalsAlways · 25/05/2023 03:01

I'd cancel and make other plans. Sounds like the LL has done it ok purpose, which is odd anyway!

Itsdaftasabrushwithnohandle · 25/05/2023 04:49

I'd be really upset about this OP, I feel for you.

I booked entertainment, similarly at my local pub a couple of years ago HOWEVER he let me book out the number of seats I wanted (nearest the entertainment) and as I didn't book a private room he paid for half of it(offered to)! That was much more fair. I'd definitely have to speak to her. I understand logistics mean that it'd be difficult to book the entertainment somewhere else now, but I'd bloody ring and tell them I was thinking of doing that nonetheless. CF(s)!!

Thisbastardcomputer · 25/05/2023 05:49

I totally agree he's a proper cheeky fucker. But have a very happy birthday despite him

CuriousMama · 25/05/2023 05:56

Is there anywhere else you could hold it? Community centre, church hall? Tell people to bring their own booze.

WonderingWanda · 25/05/2023 06:02

So cheeky. I'd send him a message saying that you weren't paying for the entertainment so he ciuld advertise it as a public event, it was for your birthday. You had agreed with his wife. As a result of his actions you now feel no alternative but to cancel the entertainment and to rearrange at a more private venue. Unless of course he would like to pay for it now as he is advertising it as his event.

2reefsin30knots · 25/05/2023 06:02

Perhaps the LL thinks you are a bit of a CF for treating his pub like it belongs to you. I don't think you have a leg to stand on given that you didn't actually book the pub out.

FabFitFifties · 25/05/2023 06:06

2reefsin30knots · 25/05/2023 06:02

Perhaps the LL thinks you are a bit of a CF for treating his pub like it belongs to you. I don't think you have a leg to stand on given that you didn't actually book the pub out.

This I"m afraid. I hope you have a greatvtime anyway.

donquixotedelamancha · 25/05/2023 06:09

Personally, I'd cancel.

If you still want to go ahead you need to contact the pub and get it resolved. Waiting until you can speak in person is just silly.

At the moment you aren't having a birthday party, you are paying to promote their pub and feed their customers.

Anniegetyourgun · 25/05/2023 06:21

Absolutely cancel. And consider whether that's a pub you want to frequent in the future. If I were the friend who offered to provide the "bingo" for you and your friendship group I'd be miffed at being exploited by the LL and potentially the entire neighbourhood!

SpringIntoChaos · 25/05/2023 06:25

Are you paying the pub anything for agreeing to hold your party there OP? Paying the bar staff, covering any costs incurred (eg electricity if your entertainer requires this)?

Because you're treating this as if it were a private party - which it isn't! If you'd had to book a private room, you'd have had to cover all these costs.

The LL is simply capitalising on an opportunity - he's running a business not a charity.

I'd be grateful that the landlord has agreed to host your 'do' for free if I were you!

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 25/05/2023 06:27

You haven’t booked the pub though, you just arranged a gathering at the pub and asked the landlord if you could bring entertainment in to the pub which is a bit weird in itself so I don’t think you can complain.
he probably wanted to advertise it so that if there were other people wanting to go to the pub they didn’t feel like they were crashing a private party.

Anniegetyourgun · 25/05/2023 06:29

I disagree that OP is in any way exploiting the pub owners btw. There wasn't a private room to book and she had agreed it with the landlady. The whole point was that there were usually only people there she'd be happy to invite. Landlady is getting a bit more custom than usual from this so a benefit rather than a nuisance for her. The odd stranger dropping in wouldn't cause a problem, but publicising an event for all comers is a different matter entirely.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 25/05/2023 06:30

2reefsin30knots The OP discussed the party with the landlady who was the one who told them that the pub would be quiet then anyway and was apparently fine with the arrangement. If the landlord didn't like it he could have contacted OP and asked to piggyback on the party not just announce it on Facebook with no discussion.

OP if I went to a pub for the entertainment and found out it was for someone's birthday party I would be horribly embarrassed and would feel like a gatecrasher. I wouldn't be back to that pub for a long time. This could backfire on the pub badly.

mum11970 · 25/05/2023 06:40

Have you changed the entertainment and it’s actually karaoke you are putting on and that’s what the LL has advertised? To be honest I don’t really see it as hugely cheeky to announce there will be karaoke available on Saturday if you’ve already said you’re happy for others to join in but would make sure your own guests got priority if it did become busy. Whether it was a proper karaoke set up or just a mate with a small karaoke machine would also have some bearing too.

LoonyLois · 25/05/2023 06:55

I’d be changing location and telling him why