To confront men who ghost me online

[kokanoodlesagain]

I really feel fucked off about this .
Manners out the window.
We chat online for days , plan to meet etc .
They're not feeling it, fine.
I always say that I dont feel it and say all the best.
So when a couple of these have just stopped contact after days in line, I think it's the height of rudeness .
AIIBU to want to say something.
I dont even know what to say but acknowledge rudeness or am I completely old fashioned ?

Ghosting is pathetic and cowardly. Just tell someone if you don't want to meet up. It's so pearl clutching not to.

Depends what you mean by confront.

Have a go at, YWBU. I know it's not good manners but they don't owe you anything plus will this make you feel better? What if they come back with some abuse? What if they've genuinely had a shit life event and a woman from a dating app, however nice, simply isn't their priority? I know it feels dehumanising but people aren't 'real' to each other until they meet and tbh there is good and bad to that. Bad is this lack of consideration- ghosting, dick pics etc. The good is that it stops people usually from getting too invested before they actually know each other. Think of vulnerable people getting sucked in by catfish and scammers.

If you mean 'acknowledge they've gone cold and draw a line under it' by saying 'nice talking to you, Barry. Seems you're busy but all the best' then ok if you must. Problem is if it spurs someone flaky or lukewarm to restart the chat then flake off again later.

I'd say best just to leave it and unmatch. Say the above and unmatch if you must but only if you're doing it to finalise things properly in your mind, not chastise or try and rekindle the convo. It's a pain but it's all in the numbers.

YABU to bother about it, you will achieve nothing and may just give them the satisfaction of knowing they've riled you.

Block, forget, move on.

Yes they are rude and immature, but nothing good will come of engaging with dickheads.

I just feel aggrieved that they feel ok doing this to me

I have a two day rule now. If I don't hear for more than two days I block/delete. Take it all with a pinch of salt op!

I'd just ignore it and move on. Would it really be better hearing that they dont want to talk to you anymore and/or the reasons you're rejected?

I understand the annoyance but honestly one guy did it to me and I highly suspect it was for an ego boost - he wanted me to come asking him about our date etc but I just deleted him as a phone contact, and unmatched with him. Demanding to know why they went silent is probably what they are wanting!

I don't think men can win. Another woman had a man she went on a date with tell her he wasn't interested ( politely) and she said she would have rather he just didn't bother message her again 🤷 seems like ghosting is wrong but also telling someone you aren't interested is also wrong

That's a good way of only giving time to the clingy or love bombers

I learnt pretty quickly when online dating that if I liked someone, I needed to line up a coffee straight away, within 10-15 mins of chatting. If they hesitated, I would delete and move on. It's a waste of time otherwise because 1)people are VERY different in real life so wasting days and weeks chatting is a pure waste of time as they could be total weirdos in real life and 2) lots of people go on it with no intention to date (they need an ego boost, getting over a breakup or still in a relationship). Once I adopted this strategy, I honestly had some great dates and ended up meeting current DH.

Just move on, they're strangers, not worth your time.

Ghosting is so normal these days, not just in online dating. Young people ghost me too sometimes (I'm not dating them!) . It's a message in itself, and often not intended rudely. It's like they're quietly letting themselves out the back door.

Or even that they have nothing to say.

Totally! I have done this in a couple of occasions. I’ve used my second phone (business) and messaged saying exactly what I think of them.
people think that’s being a psycho but I think it’s more than fair.

It's probably not worth it.

I'm a member of a UK history site and have had problems with men which I think stem from the rise of Internet dating. I'm happy for them to DM me if it's chit chat but if they start asking age/name I think noooo. It's telling that the one I get on best with and have chatted to the longest has never asked me that! We talk about agriculture and our mothers 🤣

That was a long winded way of saying ghosting seems like a feature of Internet dating, both men and women, although it appears to be men more.

Just block and move on? Don't give it the time of day. They thrive off the attention.

YANBU - what will it accomplish?

You need to meet these guys sooner and not invest so much time before meeting.

Try and.meet people in day to day, then you won't have all this crap.
Internet dating so forced.

I'm with you, OP. YANBU.

Honestly? It is rude and it doesn't feel good but chatting for a few days (without meeting) doesn't mean that they've made a commitment. Delete them, unmatch and don't reply if they try to get in touch a bit later.

If you go out with them for several months and they go on about what a strong connection they have with you, talk about your future and suggest that you meet their family then disappear from your life without warning - then, absolutely, confront them.

OP what are you actually trying to achieve though? You’re not going to convince them to see you again by sending a message and at most you’ll get some reasons why they don’t like you - is that really something you want to hear?

why not just accept that you’re not their cup of tea and move on? If you think their behaviour is rude then all the more reason not to fret about not hearing from them again!

What??? There isn't a one-size-fits-all way to date "women" as a homogeneous group??? Tell the newspapers!

TBH I used to ghost people in these circumstances because the first few times I politely replied (genuinely very politely) and they went nuts.

It wasn't worth the confrontation...

I don't online date, but I do find being ghosted In any context is really hurtful. it sucks. Even when you know you've dodged a proverbial bullet there.

@PuffinsRocks

I don't think this is a man vs woman thing TBH.

I'm a woman who ghosted men. I believe it happens just as frequently from my male friends.

None of us are mind readers...so there's no way of knowing whether the person you're chatting to wants to be contacted or not (or will turn nasty).

YABU

People have busy lives. You don't know these people after exchanging a few messages, and there is no commitment for them to log on and speak to you everyday. You have no idea what is going on in their lives. Until you've actually met and established a relationship, you are just a stranger online.