To confront men who ghost me online

[kokanoodlesagain]

I really feel fucked off about this .
Manners out the window.
We chat online for days , plan to meet etc .
They're not feeling it, fine.
I always say that I dont feel it and say all the best.
So when a couple of these have just stopped contact after days in line, I think it's the height of rudeness .
AIIBU to want to say something.
I dont even know what to say but acknowledge rudeness or am I completely old fashioned ?

You won’t get anything out of that I doubt you’d feel good about it 48h later. To play devils advocate I often go quiet if I’m going out with someone else. Too early to call anything off but too late to want to carry on additional pursuits.
Recently I had one who went quiet for 24h and then unmatched when I asked if he wanted to meet after a few days of chat. That was rude (though probably not personal)!

I find ghosting really bizarre - I've never done it and think it's terribly rude.

My Mum and my brother, however, both told me about loads of relationships they've had where they just stopped speaking to the other person "it just fizzled out" they say. They both argued this makes things nicer/easier, because there's no confrontation and you're just left with nice memories, but obviously the other person is going to get it's not worked out. They said it makes it better when you next see them or bump into them, because you've not given them a straight up rejection and been overly harsh to them.

I can't say I agree with their logic, but it did make me realise that people see what's "nicer" differently. Also my mum ghosted people before the internet just by ignoring their calls etc. So I think this has always existed as a dating behaviour

Honestly I don’t think they owe you a farewell or whatever… I mean you’ve only chatted online or texted with them. It’s not exactly declaring intent for anything.

I guess in dinosaur 🦖 terms (which is what I am apparently) this is the equivalent of chatting in a bar. I mean you wouldn’t walk away saying. “Brian it was nice meeting you but I’m not particularly interested, good luck in your future “

that would be weird, right. Instead you give him a real or fake phone number and say “sure Brian, dinner sounds like fun give me a call and we’ll go out some time” then wander off to never speak or think of them again.

When I was younger and dating this is how the majority of my dating ended up… typically at the 3 month mark. Anything longer and it felt like a commitment. At 3 months everyone is still just having fun and these ‘relationships’ can just fade away with no drama.

it wasn’t long enough to get the ick, but long enough to know it wasn’t going to lead anywhere special. I think it comes down to goal for dating…I wasn’t looking for a commitment or a life partner.

Realise this isn't the point of thread but what does 'waiting days in line' mean?

Hi @kokanoodlesagain i totally agree! And no you're not being unreasonable to say something.

How do you confront someone who has ghosted you exactly?

If they walked away they had their reasons, leave them to it. Its cowardly but not your problem.

I don't understand how you're going to confront them either?

I mean if they're blanking you, they'll continue to blank you even after you've sent a message telling them off for it.

Ghosting is cowardly and it's also something MNetters often advise each other to do.

Ghosting someone who you've messaged for a bit on an online dating site is a bit rude but no biggie, but ghosting as a way of saying that ending a relationship, that's just wrong...

Ghosting someone who you've messaged for a bit on an online dating site is a bit rude but no biggie

Why is it no biggie though?

I've never done OLD but how have people got to a point in life where they think this is anything other than rude?

Because it’s a virtual stranger that in most cases you’ve never met face to face. It’s the equivalent of telling the person you’ve just chatted with while picking out tomatoes “I’m sorry, I’m just not interested in taking this any further “.

Well I did text him and he has replied apologising . He acknowledged a previous message I had sent and then explained why he hadn't responded .
I'm one of these that thinks a response would take a few seconds and that not acknowledging a text is Ill mannered and rude.
I haven't responded to his apology. Should I ?

No, ghost him! 😂

Absolutely this.

Ghosting in an actual 'in real life' relationship or friendship is rude.

I don't owe anything to some random I've chatted to for a bit on an internet site...

It's recommended on here all the time.
"Block and move on"

So you want to ghost him?

Pot, Kettle, Black😂😂😂

If you ignore him, aren't you just as rude as he is? 🤷‍♀️

I agree with app who suggested a message would likely spur someone flakey on to responding so just prolonging the situation so no I probably wouldn't respond unless you particularly like him and the reason (excuse) is particularly genuine sounding

In other words...he's not been ghosting you, but is busy getting on with his life -whilst you are expecting a response to a text immediately it's sent 🤦‍♀️

It will clearly come as a surprise to you OP, but sometimes people just have a lot on, so don't have the headspace for instant chatting. It can take me three or four days to respond to a message/text sometimes because I'm literally exhausted. It doesn't mean that I'm 'ghosting' 🤷‍♀️

Any bloke who expected an instant response from me (or even same day response) would be sent packing...who's got time for that level of neediness?

I've even seen some dating profiles from guys who state explicitly 'if no response within 2 hours will delete and block' 😱 WTAF??? Such arrogance!

The options are that they have real life to get on with (dead relatives, work, friend in crisis etc), or they are dating others, or they just don't like you. If they are busy, they will explain when there's time. If they aren't interested in you, then why would you want to run around after them? You want a relationship, fine, but set some standards around who you want rather than leaping into relationship mode based on a few photos, a mutual love of coffee and some "how r u beautiful" messages. Get on with your life, meet people in person before you get attached and stop placing your dreams on someone you've never even met.

For the avoidance of doubt, if I don't return to the thread then I'm just not that interested OP.

This. 100%.

don’t bother confronting OP, whatever that looks like. You will achieve nothing and give them the satisfaction of knowing they’ve riled you. They’re like toddlers - any attention is good attention.

I am getting this but from cleaners! You ask locally for recommendations for a new one, arrange times and dates with one and then on the day they don't turn up or respond to a polite "are you coming" message.

Bizarre!!

I don't think I ghosted when online dating - occasionally neither of us contacted the other post date. And a few stand ups by then with week last minute excuses!

Maybe Its not them.
Its you?

The fact you want to confront them after theyve shut the door on you is bizarrs

Maybe you come on to strong
Maybe they just are not that into you
Maybe it's time to give it a rest

For their and your sake 😊

Ignore it and move on. They're likely to get defensive and will probably say something horrible to you, which is only going to upset you.

I get ghosted all the time on OLD - from the messaging on the apps, messaging that has moved onto Whatsapp or texting and even after I have dated someone for 3 months.
It happens. To me ghosting is closure - I don't want to have anything to do with people that behave that way. Sometimes it smarts a little.