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Original poster

Partners ex threatening to call police on me

64 replies

BananaCocktails · 24/05/2023 14:27

About a year and a half ago, my partners ex contacted me on Instagram and sent me a tirade of abuse
they weren’t together at the time, and we met long after they split ( 6 months or so)
they had split 2 years prior but she remained living in his HA rented flat whilst he moved somewhere else as they have a child together. She met someone else to and that was the reason for the split.
in these messages she
called me all the names under the Sun, including prostitute ect
it was late, and I was tired, and I responded back to the same way
in hindsight, I should’ve just ignored her I was having a bad day anyway and infuriated. I just called her a few choice words and that was it.
I haven’t messaged her sense, and I haven’t received any more messages from her
it was on just one night

eight months ago, she applied for an occupation order as she was still living in his flat and he had asked her to leave as he wants his flat back , and they can share custody ect
in the last two months, she moved out and has told my boyfriend she has her partner stay over . Court hearing for the occupation order was today and despite her already having moved out she turned up. She told the judge that I have been harassing her and that I have contacted her and message her just based on the messages from year and a half ago
and that she is going to call the police on me I don’t understand how she can do this through just a series of messages that we exchange on one night 1 1/2 years ago. I could also report her for the abuse also, but I haven’t as it’s petty and it’s long ago
can the police still speak to me about this ? She told judge she is going to get a non-molestation order against me. However, the judge in the court today told her she cannot because that is only for people who are family together and to stop going on about me as the court hearing today was about the occupation order only
she said she will get an injunction against me for harassment. However, I don’t know how this is possible when I haven’t spoken to her for over a year and a half what are my chances if police come to see me?
She Has also banned my partner from bringing his child near me and told the court that I was doing witchcraft which is absolutely ridiculous. I don’t believe in anything like that.
am I being unreasonable to tell my partner that she no longer controls him, and unless he starts letting me see his child I am going to call it a day because this situation has started to really fucking irritate me

OP posts:
Original poster
BananaCocktails · 24/05/2023 14:28

By the way, I don’t know why she was abusive to me, but I suspect it’s because she thought that I knew her ex whilst they were still together and that is not the case I never never even met him

OP posts:
FloweryName · 24/05/2023 14:33

It sounds like you’re better off out of this situation.

You can’t use someone’s child to emotionally blackmail or manipulate them. If don’t like the way things are, just leave.

EvilElsa · 24/05/2023 14:35

It's just not worth it. I'd end the relationship and move on.

Saucemonkey · 24/05/2023 14:36

She won’t be able to get any kind of order based on a text 1.5 years ago. Your partner however, that is another matter. He needs a family court order for contact and to start stepping up and including you.

Conkersinautumn · 24/05/2023 14:37

I'd indicate my preparedness to give my evidence to the contrary. I'd make zero contact with her
But you can't demand to see someone else's child that's mental

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 24/05/2023 14:39

How can you force someone to allow you to see a child that is not yours. Do you realise how bonkers that sounds?

I'd consider leaving. This sounds like too much of a shit show for me

WheelsUp · 24/05/2023 14:41

Ask your partner to stop telling you what is happening at court or stop attending court if that's how you know what happened. You're not going to text her again so let her waste her time with the police. If they spoke to you then you can prove that it was one night 18 months ago and will never happen again. If that's the facts then I know who to believe.

The child issue is different. The child shouldn't be used so that you can feel like you've beaten the ex at this game. Again, how do you know details like the witchcraft. Knowing all these details is creating tension in the relationship and making you think about her which isn't good. Let her try and prove her claims lol

If he's not ready to stand up to his ex then you are right about him being not ready to be in a relationship. If he gives into your demands when he doesn't actually agree with you then that will end your relationship because he will blame you in front of the ex for a quiet life.

If I were you then I'd definitely dump. He sounds like the type who will tell her and you what you both want to hear so that he's not in the firing line. Don't fall for that 💩

finallygotospeaktoSky · 24/05/2023 14:43

It's not your dc OP you have no right to demand anything from him or her. Break up with him and give the poor guy a break. His ex is a nut job and tbh you don't sound much better. Awaits deletion...

Original poster
BananaCocktails · 24/05/2023 14:45

I don’t want to demand that, I see his child at all,
I have a child same age and on days that he has his child I just think it will be nice to meet up sometimes without him being controlled as to who he can and can’t see or have around his child! She does not allow him to have his child around me .. I would like to suggest a play date or go park together
he is my partner 2 years now - I am definitely not demanding to see his child, but I do think it’s ridiculous that I cannot see his child when he is with my partner

question is about how I get in the police on me for this ridiculous accusation of harassment

OP posts:
finallygotospeaktoSky · 24/05/2023 14:50

If the situation irritates you so much , end the relationship then you don't have to deal with the drama of his ex.

Original poster
BananaCocktails · 24/05/2023 14:50

I would like to add that she has a new partner which she allows around her child

we are planning on living together
so if we live together, what am I supposed to do hide in the basement when his child comes round? Is he supposed to go outside and see his child outside of the house? I’m not sure what some of these stupid comments about me, demanding to see his child are about -I do not want to demand to see his child. I have a child
. I just want to be able to be around my partner when he has his child on occasion
Don’t want to get back at his ex for seeing his child - he has his child 50% of the time so I can only see my partner 50% of the time
she is effectively control in our relationship because he allows her to, and he scared that she will takeaway access

stupid comments on here suggesting I’m demanding access to somebody else’s child 👧 😂

OP posts:
Beezknees · 24/05/2023 14:51

Dump him.

You need to put your own child first, and if you stay involved in this mess and drama you're not doing that.

Original poster
BananaCocktails · 24/05/2023 14:51

Conkersinautumn · 24/05/2023 14:37

I'd indicate my preparedness to give my evidence to the contrary. I'd make zero contact with her
But you can't demand to see someone else's child that's mental

Don’t think you read my post properly. If you did, you wouldn’t have put such a silly reply.

OP posts:
Original poster
BananaCocktails · 24/05/2023 14:52

Just want advice about the police and the harassment situation. I was just putting in the details about the situation with the child for background.

OP posts:
Littlebluebellwoods · 24/05/2023 14:52

This is confusing , you say one message then you change it to string of messages and then you suddenly flip and say you’re going to dump him as you want to see his kid.

which is unpleasant to say the least.

Littlebluebellwoods · 24/05/2023 14:54

stupid comments on here suggesting I’m demanding access to somebody else’s child

you literally wrote you wanted to tell him you’d dump him if you can’t see his child. That’s a demand if ever I saw one, Now you’re saying you didn’t.

its really unusual.

finallygotospeaktoSky · 24/05/2023 14:54

You come across like it though, okay demanding to see maybe a bit strong but you did say in op 'unless he starts letting me see his child, I am going to call it a day.'
Move him with him but don't expect anything to change if she is so bolshy and he's not standing up to her.

GoodQuestion01 · 24/05/2023 14:56

If she reports you to the police, they might turn up to ask you about it. Based on what you say, I wouldn’t expect them to take it any further but it depends what she is claiming.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 24/05/2023 14:56

am I being unreasonable to tell my partner that she no longer controls him, and unless he starts letting me see his child I am going to call it a day

There is you demanding to see his child

Also asking if you are being unreasonable (which you are) so stop having a go at people for answering it and reading exactly what you said

GoodQuestion01 · 24/05/2023 14:58

I’ve had the police turn up for all kinds of trivial things that ex used to report me for.

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 24/05/2023 14:58

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 24/05/2023 14:56

am I being unreasonable to tell my partner that she no longer controls him, and unless he starts letting me see his child I am going to call it a day

There is you demanding to see his child

Also asking if you are being unreasonable (which you are) so stop having a go at people for answering it and reading exactly what you said

Exactly

Merryoldgoat · 24/05/2023 14:59

A) the police will tell her to get lost. A one off text argument is not a police matter.
B) you should extricate yourself from this utter nonsense. There is no good coming from thar relationship.

FloweryName · 24/05/2023 15:00

I’m not sure what some of these stupid comments about me, demanding to see his child are about -I do not want to demand to see his child.

They’re about the fact that you put this in your OP. Obviously.

am I being unreasonable to tell my partner that she no longer controls him, and unless he starts letting me see his child I am going to call it a day because this situation has started to really fucking irritate me

Thatsplentyjack · 24/05/2023 15:00

What are you worried about? If the police come to talk to you about it, you show them the messages and they will be satisfied that there's nothing more to it?

Also, you have no right to demand of eanyone that you get to see their child. Telling your partner you will leave him hif you can't have access to his kid is blackmail.

CabernetSauvignon · 24/05/2023 15:01

am I being unreasonable to tell my partner that she no longer controls him, and unless he starts letting me see his child I am going to call it a day because this situation has started to really fucking irritate me

Only if you want to end the relationship. He will be aware that if he insists on you seeing his child, his ex won't let him see her, and he will always choose his child over you.