To wish i was dead

[Hereforarant90]

10yo son severely autistic, violent meltdowns every day, just had to call ooh children's services because I feel like I can't cope anymore and wish neither of us were here. It's too much. Waiting on call back just trying to distract myself

I didn't want to read and run. Hang on in there. I'm sorry you're having a tough time xx

Couldnt read and not reply. No answers here but it will get better. You are needed and you are loved. I hope beyond hope you get some support xxx

You are loved and needed, keep talking to us.

So sorry you are going through this difficult time. 💐

Holding your hand OP. Do you have someone to support you in rl? Partner or sister friend? It's so difficult
I only have admiration for the mothers I meet in same situation, through my work. Is there any possibility of a boarding school ?

Have you contacted them before? What kind of help do they offer?

I hope you get the support you need. My son (also with ASD) was also having violent meltdowns at 10, but he did grow out of it eventually. I hope it will be the same for your son. In the meantime, much sympathy to you.

I’m so sorry OP. Is there anyone in real life who can come wait with you or just chat on zoom or something while you wait?

my son is the same. It’s relentless, exhausting and bloody soul destroying.

but you are needed and wanted and loved. I know how hard it is to get help, but you’re on the right track to hopefully get some.

hang on in there, you got this.

I understand. I felt like that with my severely disabled ds. It's absolutely awful trying to cope with the behaviour everyday. I don't know how I survived but I did and ds is now in residential placement as an adult. You've done the right thing in asking for help. Make clear you are a risk to yourself and him. Thinking of you both.

Hi Hereforarant90,

We're so sorry to hear how hard life is right now.

You may want to check out this thread for advice and support.

We would always suggest seeking real life help too from your GP, Health Visitor, School SENDCO.

We hope things look a lot brighter for you soon

As someone who works in mental health, please do not "make clear that you're a risk to both you and him" unless it's really true. If you say something like that as a throwaway comment, not only are you wasting their time but you might be surprised by how things escalate really really quickly. There is a world of difference between having thoughts and planning to act on them.

Things sound really hard for you OP and I sincerely hope it gets better..hang in there, you're needed and loved even though your son may struggle to show it xx

I hope child services will offer you some proper support and respite. Hang in there.

I'm so sorry OP. It must be such a challenge. I really hope that you get the support that you need and deserve. I'm sure you will find people in very similar situations here who can offer both advice and an understanding and sympathetic ear, so please, if it helps, keep posting and know that people are listening.

Sending love and solidarity and support and strength and all the good shit 💐

Where do you live?

We need to get you some help from local charities etc pal, this can't go on.

One day at a time but it takes a village. Let's get your village sorted.
I'm an ASD mum of 2 asd kids and I'm offering every support I can.

Well done for reaching out, it's shit, it's scary and it's all in all just overwhelming, but let's make things better.

I'll help you any way I can x

can you ask for respite time to children's services?

Thank you. I'm trying to contact the crisis team because I actively want to stop feeling like this. I really appreciate the responses and feel a bit less alone.

Thank you. I'm in north yorkshire.

I feel like this at the moment too due to heartbreaking circumstances with my eldest son, who is very severely disabled.
I'm trying so hard to stay strong, but have days when I genuinely wonder about my purpose in life. I feel unworthy of breathing fresh air.
I have just started counselling and really hope I can keep going.
My heart goes out to you, as I know how it feels to feel that level of pain, to the point we question our existence.

I know it's hard to believe yourself (I can't believe people who tell me this, but I am able to see it in others who are suffering), but you are loved and valued. ❤

I wasn't suggesting it as a throwaway comment. I really did feel like that. I appreciate the op may not though and hope she gets appropriate support.

I wasn't suggesting it as a throwaway comment. I really did feel like that. I appreciate the op may not though and hope she gets appropriate support.

I do feel like that. It's been referred and they'll contact me whenever they can, I suppose.

My severely autistic son is 18 now but I felt like you 8 years ago x This phase will pass hang in there and reach out for all the help you can get x

Sadly I think more of us feel/ have felt like that than people realise.
The first step is being open and speaking out about it, which takes tremendous courage, which you have done OP.

I hope, like me, that you will be able to receive counselling therapy, as we can't go through this alone.

I do understand. I miss my son so much. He's a young adult now, but his development froze as a one year old baby. It's as though he has left his body behind and drifted a million miles away where none of us can ever reach him.

Op I work in a specialist setting for youngsters with autism. I wanted to mention that are some amazing provisions out there for both school and residential (part time or full time). Caring and supportive staff/ethos. Please take the opportunity if offered.

I know how awful this is. All can say is well done for reaching out, I wish I'd made clear how desperate I felt years earlier. Things will get easier, as awful as they feel now.