Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married colleague bragging about cheating on his wife

54 replies

Zipa · 23/05/2023 16:19

My senior colleague (senior to me job wise and also 10 years older) has been telling me that he's planning on meeting up with someone for sex next weekend. Says he's done it before too.

I do not know why he's told me this, he's always been a bit flirty/ inappropriate toward me but I just brush it off because I'm used to it and I don't want any negative consequences at work. He could make life very difficult for me.

My problem is (apart from not wanting to know about this!!) that he is married with 3yr old twins. I'm friends with him on Facebook and see all these lovey dovey posts from his wife saying how great he is.

I feel extremely guilty that I know what he's up to and she has no clue. I know I should probably stay out of it but I can't stop thinking about her. If it was me I'd want to know.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Gtsr443 · 23/05/2023 16:24

Tell him to shuttup and fuck off and get a new job.

curtainsfringe · 23/05/2023 16:29

Stay out of it 100%.

He could be just trying to impress you.

Look for a new job!

rwalker · 23/05/2023 16:30

I’d stay out of it
just say why an earth do you tell people stuff like this do u want it to get back to your wife

Aaron95 · 23/05/2023 16:32

I would stay out of it. I also wouldn't be friends with him on Facebook. I'm not freinds with anyone from work on FB. It's not that I don't like some of them but too many people get fired for things that end up on social media that I keep a strict boundary between the two.

Maray1967 · 23/05/2023 16:34

rwalker · 23/05/2023 16:30

I’d stay out of it
just say why an earth do you tell people stuff like this do u want it to get back to your wife

This is exactly what I would say to him - but I’d leave him with the impression that I might contact his wife

NewPinkJacket · 23/05/2023 16:37

I would do exactly what you should and that's tell him you don't want to know anything about his sex life.

Then make sure he stops telling you or report him.

NewPinkJacket · 23/05/2023 16:37

And obviously unfriend him on FB.

Thinkitsrainingagain · 23/05/2023 16:39

Does anyone else get an advert that is a picture of Boris Johnson at the end of this thread 😂

OliveWah · 23/05/2023 17:00

I'd "unfriend" him on FB and keep your interactions going forward strictly professional. You need to draw a clear line to show you're not friends, you're colleagues. Hopefully this will stop him "confiding" in you. If he continues, I'd say "You do realise that the more people you tell, the more likely it is to get back to your wife?", and leave it at that.

veryleafytrees · 23/05/2023 17:05

Does anyone else get an advert that is a picture of Boris Johnson at the end of this thread

Yes, only slightly ironic!

veryleafytrees · 23/05/2023 17:07

I'd have a strict word with him about not speaking to you about things like this in the work place, or go above him and ask that person to have a chat to him - "you've been overheard telling so and so that...."

If I didn't care about my job at all then I'd probably make a fake profile on facebook and tell his wife. But I assume you want to keep your job, so stay out of it.

Clarinet1 · 23/05/2023 17:10

I’m afraid thy this might be his way of testing the water for you to be his next “conquest”. Definitely steer clear and possibly report to management.

AnotherSaturdayNight · 23/05/2023 17:13

@Zipa I wonder if he is trying to see how you feel about it. Perhaps he hopes you are up for it. Testing the boundaries. Unfriend him on FB and tell him you need to be careful who you are telling these things to otherwise it could get back to your wife. Keep your distance from him.

007DoubleOSeven · 23/05/2023 17:13

"Wow, John, my respect for you has just increased ten-fold(!)"

ColdHandsHotHead · 23/05/2023 17:13

You find a new job, tell his wife and unfriend him on facebook. I worked with someone like this, but he didn't brag, he just had a really obvious affair with one of his reports. It made for a horrible working environment.

midnightblue12 · 23/05/2023 17:13

I had this with my old manager.

He was married with kids in mid teens and bragged about his side lady all the time.
It was horrible. I had to turn a blind eye to it as it wasn't my business and I had my job to think about.

It would be nice to do the right thing all the time but you have to think about yourself.

YouNeverSeeTheRealMe · 23/05/2023 17:15

What a piece of shit he is. I'd tell him to shut up and not tell you. I'd also unfriend him on all social media, and I'd tell him that if he carries on talking about it, you'll tell hs wife. The bastard.

Marblessolveeverything · 23/05/2023 17:17

Yep worked for someone like this back in the late 90s when I was in my early career. Found it really vile and repulsive and actually snapped one day and told him so. I found another job left and did tell the co-owner exactly why I was leaving.

The fact his gorgeous successful wife used to meet him for lunch every Friday with their children was the real kicker. Always wondered how many trainees he had enticed Envy

Quveas · 23/05/2023 17:18

And this is why you shouldn't be "friends" with colleagues - outside work stuff should stay outside work.

I'd get a new job. Or make a formal complaint. Not only is what he's doing sleazy, but it is misogyny and probably also straying into harassment - based on what you have said about his past behaviour I think he is testing you. But I certainly wouldn't be friends with him and I would be drawing some very firm boundaries about what we talk about in work (i.e. work and nothing else). But then, he woudn't have got past the first inappropriate comment with me.

teabycandlelight · 23/05/2023 17:21

He’s definitely testing the waters with you.

wants you to know that he’s ‘available’ 🤮

LodiDodi · 23/05/2023 17:22

I'd wait for a few weeks (to get you in the clear) then message her from an anonymous account.

Irequireausername · 23/05/2023 17:27

Any chance that he was just joking?

pictoosh · 23/05/2023 17:27

Nothing except have him noted as a wanker.

BadNomad · 23/05/2023 17:36

Quite often, people who cheat a lot forget what "normal" behaviour is and just assume everyone else is like them. It probably doesn't occur to him that you might be shocked at this because it's been normal for him for a while.

Hankunamatata · 23/05/2023 17:37

I wouldn't have been able to control my face. My face would have had a wtf are you telling me this for look.