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AIBU?

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Original poster

Baby next door crying for a few hours most nights - what would you do?

76 replies

PollyIndia · 23/05/2023 12:28

So as the thread says, the 18 month old baby next door is left to cry in the middle of the night sometimes for up to 2 hours. Because he’s quite old to be crying like this, he winds himself up so it sounds like he’s going to be sick - he’s clearly so upset. It’s a different kind of crying from the newborn crying. I never complained about any of the newborn crying because that’s what new babies do, but this feels different. It’s been going on since Feb, so not continuously since he was a newborn. Both parents are NHS doctors, and I have spoken to them but they said there’s nothing they can do as he’s just being naughty and they don’t want to encourage him by bringing him into bed with them. She suggested I sleep downstairs on my sofa but that definitely isn’t an option for me! I guess I’m someone who never left my son to cry it out, even when I was sleep training him I went in and put my hand on his chest so he knew I was there. So I’m kind of at a loss. I have excellent earplugs but still I get woken up almost every night.
So my am I being unreasonable is: yes you are being unreasonable and you should suck it up, no you’re not being unreasonable and this is what I would do. Thank you for any tips and advice. I’m a lone parent and always have been so it’s just me, so it’s not even like I can send anyone else in to have a word with them. I also run my own business which takes a lot of headspace, so I’m struggling with the lack of sleep.

OP posts:
Spacestace · 23/05/2023 12:33

This would drive me bonkers to be honest. It sounds as you've been very tolerant and understanding when the child was a baby as they do invariably cry a lot (annoying though still). Seems they just can't be bothered frankly, I wouldn't put the fact they're doctors as much of anything really, what a cheek to suggest you sleep on the sofa! Unfortunately not sure what you can do really.

Writeandroll · 23/05/2023 12:35

That poor baby. I’ve got an 18m old and can’t imagine leaving him to cry like that, it sounds neglectful.

Bizarre they say it’s naughty… babies this age aren’t “naughty” they’re seeking comfort.

Im sorry I don’t have advice, but wanted to confirm it’s definitely not right!

WhiteFire · 23/05/2023 12:36

They may be there with the child and he still screams.

Yogazmum · 23/05/2023 12:37

There’s not a lot you can do apart from suck it up or move out. Hopefully it’s just a phase the baby is going through and they are attempting some kind of sleep training.
It would definitely wind me up though as I’m super considerate regarding noise etc… but some people just aren’t.
Is there any way you can move to another room to sleep further away from the baby?

CalistoNoSolo · 23/05/2023 12:46

I hope neither of them is in paediatrics. It's not possible for an 18mo to be naughty :( I'd be pretty cross about this scenario. They are being hugely unreasonable. Next time the baby wakes you up put some really loud music on and turn the speakers to the wall. Hopefully they won't be able to sleep through baby and music and will actually do some parenting.

007DoubleOSeven · 23/05/2023 12:51

She suggested I sleep downstairs on my sofa but that definitely isn’t an option for me

CF!!

ADHDDDDDDDBOOM · 23/05/2023 12:53

Naughty at 18 months?

Not psychiatrists I hope, fuck me. 🙄

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 23/05/2023 12:53

I hope I never encounter such a member of the NHS.

holaholiday · 23/05/2023 12:54

Have you tried keeping a diary ,if you show them on paper what the issue is maybe they might see your point? They may not agree with you about the length of time the baby is being left.

ADHDDDDDDDBOOM · 23/05/2023 12:54

I'd be sticking some evidence based information through their door about prolonged crying, brain development and attachment.

It would be a cunty thing to do, but not as cunty as leaving an 18 month old to cry because they are "naughty"

Writeandroll · 23/05/2023 12:56

ADHDDDDDDDBOOM · 23/05/2023 12:54

I'd be sticking some evidence based information through their door about prolonged crying, brain development and attachment.

It would be a cunty thing to do, but not as cunty as leaving an 18 month old to cry because they are "naughty"

Love it! They’re Doctors, I’m sure they’ll appreciate some peer reviewed articles 👌

VariationsonaTheme · 23/05/2023 12:58

My dd at 18 months used to get very frustrated and cry for a long time in the night, because I would let her get out of bed and play. I was there with her, but that wasn’t good enough. Taking her in with us didn’t work either, she just wanted to be up, despite it being the middle of the night. It lasted intermittently for a few months.

I never described her as naughty though!!

veryleafytrees · 23/05/2023 12:59

They're being absolute twats to both their child and to you, but I don't think there is anything you can do OP, other than get your own back at some point.

itsabigtree · 23/05/2023 13:00

Some older babies/toddler do just have screaming fits off rage in the night time no matter what the parents are doing. My eldest still does this, and one of us is always there with her trying to help her to calm down and go back to sleep but it can take a while and I guess neighbors might not be able to hear that we're there with they (as we're not screaming and shouting) 😅

If they are just letting the kid scream though with no parental input obviously that's horrific for the child and antisocial to you. Awful as well that's she's suggested you sleep elsewhere, some people are so selfish and entitled!

aloris · 23/05/2023 13:01

Given this has been going on since February, cry-it-out clearly is not working. I think at some point, "We don't want to encourage it by giving in," stops making sense or being a reasonable excuse.

I'm suspicious of the belief that a toddler will wake up in the middle of the night and cry for hours, for months at a time, just because he's "naughty." Seems more likely there's something wrong.

justgettingthroughtheday · 23/05/2023 13:01

I'd be threatening them with social services tbh! I would be recording the child crying and reporting them. Maybe social services wouldn't care but it's not a good look for two doctors to be investigated by them!
I would also be filing a noise complaint with the council.

Fandabedodgy · 23/05/2023 13:02

Leaving a 18 month old to cry for a couple of hours every night because he is 'naughty'?

I'd be at least calling NSPCC for advice or social services to report.

2bazookas · 23/05/2023 13:03

18 month old baby next door is left to cry in the middle of the night sometimes for up to 2 hours.

You have no idea if he's been "left to cry", or is a teething baby crying in the arms of his devoted/ exhausted parents.

It’s a different kind of crying from the newborn crying.

Of course it is. 18 month olds crying never sounds like newborn; any parent knows that. So you clearly are not one.

Teacakeorcrumpet · 23/05/2023 13:07

My DC2 used to scream for 45mins every time she woke up at that age. I was night weaning. It was torture and I was right there in the room the whole time trying to calm her and settle her back to sleep. DC has since been diagnosed with ASD and is still a poor sleeper with night terrors every few nights that cause her to scream. Its very upsetting for the whole family.

Maybe the parents are at their wits end and you're just adding to their stress.

shams05 · 23/05/2023 13:09

Of course she knows the child is 'left' they've told her!
They refuse to bring him into their room so most likely they're in their room and he in his, most likely in a cot so he can't get out possibly with the door closed so they can sleep through it.
I'd keep a log of sorts and look to reporting them.

ChocolateCroissantCafe · 23/05/2023 13:13

I don't know, they could be taking an overly firm approach but how can you tell. I had a dc who would just get frustrating when settling, I'd be there, even holding them but it just didn't make a difference. I would have been seriously unimpressed with social services or noise complains some of you apparently think I'd have deserved!

SeaPink · 23/05/2023 13:14

They sound like crap parents and crap neighbours regardless of their jobs.

CecilyP · 23/05/2023 13:16

It’s been going on since February so what they are doing isn’t exactly discouraging him. The cheek of them saying OP should sleep on the sofa downstairs - it would make more sense if they moved his cot downstairs!

IfYouDontAsk · 23/05/2023 13:19

I really feel for you. However much you disagree with what they’re doing, the Council aren’t going to do anything about a young child crying during the night and neither will Social Services (I would totally disagree with reporting them; they might not want to bring the child into bed but that doesn’t mean that they don’t go into the child’s room at all to comfort them). You can’t force your neighbours to parent differently, nor make them to change which bedroom the child is in to minimise disruption to you- which would be the neighbourly thing for them to do I think.

I think your most realistic options are to try to improve the soundproofing between you and next door. If paying for soundproofing materials to be professionally installed isn’t feasible, then wardrobes all along the shared wall, filled with clothes to help absorb the sound, could really help.

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