Baby next door crying for a few hours most nights - what would you do?

[PollyIndia]

So as the thread says, the 18 month old baby next door is left to cry in the middle of the night sometimes for up to 2 hours. Because he’s quite old to be crying like this, he winds himself up so it sounds like he’s going to be sick - he’s clearly so upset. It’s a different kind of crying from the newborn crying. I never complained about any of the newborn crying because that’s what new babies do, but this feels different. It’s been going on since Feb, so not continuously since he was a newborn. Both parents are NHS doctors, and I have spoken to them but they said there’s nothing they can do as he’s just being naughty and they don’t want to encourage him by bringing him into bed with them. She suggested I sleep downstairs on my sofa but that definitely isn’t an option for me! I guess I’m someone who never left my son to cry it out, even when I was sleep training him I went in and put my hand on his chest so he knew I was there. So I’m kind of at a loss. I have excellent earplugs but still I get woken up almost every night.
So my am I being unreasonable is: yes you are being unreasonable and you should suck it up, no you’re not being unreasonable and this is what I would do. Thank you for any tips and advice. I’m a lone parent and always have been so it’s just me, so it’s not even like I can send anyone else in to have a word with them. I also run my own business which takes a lot of headspace, so I’m struggling with the lack of sleep.

One of mine would scream for an hour most nights, between the age of 1 and 2. It made no difference what I did - tried everything. Including milk, chocolate biscuits, TV, rocking, lying in his cot, walking about, leaving him to it. He grew out of it before he was 2 thank goodness. Neighbours always claimed they couldn't hear anything when I apologised!

Sleep training isn’t working if this has been going on for months, is it?!

I am a CIO parent BUT I went in every 2 mins to lie them down and tell them I love them but it’s bedtime (that was 1 year old). It took two bedtimes and one night time waking over two nights…3 months means you need a different strategy.

That isn’t your question though…I’m not sure what I’d do but I think you might just have to stick it out.

Poor baby. My husband was at a conference with his MD when his boss got the news their 18 month old baby had died :( His wife had heard her crying, but didn't go to her as they were 'sleep training' her.

Babies, toddlers and children crying isn't noise pollution.

The only thing the OP can do is report it to SS. And as the neighbours are doctors it is unlikely to go far if they bother to investigate at all.

Jesus, that's heartbreaking.

Thanks for the advice. I do know it's hard for them. I also know they aren't in there with him as you hear the doors open (their bedroom then his), if they do come in. It always stops after that. I can't get social services involved, as I can hear they are lovely with him during the day and it wouldn't feel right to me in this situation.

But the night crying is a lot, and clearly whatever it is they are trying isn't working. I probably do just have to suck it up. Ironically as their room is at the back of the house and his is at the front, it's louder for me then for them with their bedroom doors all closed. Any recommendations for better ear plugs than the silicone ones? I'm away this weekend luckily!

Thanks for the tip re swapping the room around. I wonder if I can ask them to move his cot away from my wall if it's against it. And I know he will grow out of it in the end. Or I can move, ha

If they’re both doctors, he’s probably being dropped off at nursery at 8am latest and picked up at 6/7pm and probably only has half and hour or so before bed with his mum. He’s feeling (and actually being) neglected. Poor child. I’d put a call into the relevant authorities.

I would wager that he is probably waking up with hunger.

Colic? (Or is that younger babies?)

If they’re both doctors, he’s probably being dropped off at nursery at 8am latest and picked up at 6/7pm and probably only has half and hour or so before bed with his mum. He’s feeling (and actually being) neglected. Poor child. I’d put a call into the relevant authorities.

Are you saying that OP should report to SS because a toddler has to go in to childcare whilst their parents work?

For what reason?! Jeez this place is nuts sometimes.

That's not sleep training and he's not naughty, they're lazy, crap parents

Ooooh touchy!

Yes, children who only get to see their parents for an hour on weekdays are suffering parental neglect. It’s just a fact. Childcare can’t match a parent’s love.

The reason to report is because he is crying for hours during the night and not being comforted. If he’s hungry, feed him. If he’s teething, get the calpol out. Don’t just leave a baby to cry for hours.

I do feel your pain with this OP. My neighbours have young kids and their bedroom backs on to ours, but I'm pretty sure the parent's room is on the other side of the house. Their children wake me up every morning at circa 5.30am either crying, screaming, or playing with loud musical toys. They were waking up every few hours in the night screaming up until about 6 months ago and I was exhausted all of the time.

No option for me to change rooms or rearrange the room to make anything any better. Wasn't putting ear plugs in in case I didn't hear my own children.
I just had to deal with it but it was a really awful time for me and I don't appreciate the 5.30am wake ups now either...

However what makes it substantially worse in your situation is that they are leaving the child and not going in to them at all. When you know you have neighbours that can hear everything, it's just downright rude, not to mention really crap for the kid. It's proven that CIO is damaging to children.

Are you living the other side of my neighbour?!

Honestly though. I've not slept either since baby no 2 arrived and also screams through the night.

Why don't people have some consideration and go downstairs with their babies to avoid also waking neighbours?

I can't even complain - she is social services. And she'd know it was me that complained.

There are rules around noise at night, regardless of the cause. That's why I added the link.
The parents need to minimise the impact on op. Either by dealing with the crying or by soundproofing. Telling OP to sleep downstairs is not on.

Definitely do this

A lot of Dr's are clueless with children unfortunately. I have family friends that are Dr's and some of the rubbish they trot out is unbelievable. I can only imagine two Dr's together would be doubly clueless. Nothing you can do but ride it out and hope it passes. The ss advice is silly, presumably your not living on a council estate?

*Ooooh touchy!

Yes, children who only get to see their parents for an hour on weekdays are suffering parental neglect. It’s just a fact. Childcare can’t match a parent’s love.*

You are speaking from a place of privilege and your view is really quite ridiculous. You've obviously never witnessed, or been around any children experiencing true neglect.

Parents have to work to pay bills, buy food, buy clean clothes. I am grateful that I can set my own hours. The friends I have that have to drop their children off at 8, and pick them up at 5.30 really hate it but need to be able to keep a roof over their children's heads, keep them warm, clean, and fed.

Children do cry sometimes but leaving him for such a long time seems excessive. Tbh, I'd be tempted to blast Baby Shark though the wall whenever they leave him more than 15 minutes. It might cheer the baby up and get them out of bed to actually comfort him. And they deserve it imo for their "sofa" comment to you.

If they’re both doctors, he’s probably being dropped off at nursery at 8am latest and picked up at 6/7pm and probably only has half and hour or so before bed with his mum. He’s feeling (and actually being) neglected. Poor child. I’d put a call into the relevant authorities.

You have absolutely no proof that this is true. What a ridiculous post

Sounds like you've been quite patient but everyone has their breaking point.

Years ago I had a problem neighbour waking me up at all hours (pets not babies). After a polite attempt to open dialogue was met with hostility and an out of hand dismissal of our problem (basically they said tough luck what do you want us to do put the animals down), I rediscovered my love of loud rock music in the daytime, plus every time their animals woke me I marched round (frequently in the small hours) and rang their bell, battered the door etc until they woke up and sorted it.

I broke them in 3 nights, they moved the animals to another part of their garden and harmony returned. They never spoke to me again in the next 3 years I lived there but who cares - as long as I slept I was fine with that!

Every time baby wakes you, go round and hammer on their door / ring the doorbell. Don't be aggressive or shouty but be persistent, every time they answer it just calmly and politely request that they do something about the noise as you need to sleep, and then leave.

Don't stand there and argue or make a scene, it's not needed. The simple fact that they've had to get out of bed and answer the door will do the trick. If you're knocking the door 3 or 4 times a night you will be adding another layer of stress that they really won't be able to cope with. It will disturb the baby further and make it even harder for them to soothe it.

It'll likely take a few night but eventually they'll cave and move the baby somewhere that it is less disturbing to you when the stress on them gets unbearable.... troublesome baby, stressful jobs... now this bastard unrelenting neighbour gently but persistently being a total nightmare knocking the door at all times of the night.

Think of it as your own version of sleep training ... for grown ups!

@SW2002 I suspect you're going to get a pasting for this but I absolutely agree with you.

I really feel sorry for the poor kid. Clearly whatever the parents are doing isn't working. I'm sure they're fed up but it's not an option for them to just ignore it and hope it goes away.

I also feel really sorry for you, OP. YANBU in the least. Sleep deprivation is torture and this isn't your child!

Don’t do this… it sounds as if the baby is already distressed and doesn’t need anything further to upset their routine. It’s a horrible situation for everyone, baby, parents and neighbour. Everyone is sleep deprived. Some parents do use crying it out and some don’t.

It’s not a fact though. It’s your opinion 🤷🏼‍♀️