To quietly exit this group of friends?

[ChangeyPosty]

I’ve been in a group of friends for about 5 years, and it’s got me thinking that, if I come away feeling shit quite often, perhaps I should be stepping back.

The main reason is that there have been 3 occasions where I’ve felt like a mug and an idiot. For example, people arranging to go somewhere, and I was one of 2 not included and the organiser told the others to keep it a secret. Then there’s times they’ve arranged to do something, I’ve agreed and paid as requested, then it turns out they didn’t sign up and I was left on my own like an idiot! There seems to be a pecking order in the group too, or tiers…..and guess which level I’m on?

I’m trying to broaden my horizons but I’m a long way from home and family, and don’t know many people. I’ve taken up a new hobby, and got a new job recently, but certainly not fighting friends off with a stick.

Just wish I had more, nice female friends. Is this normal behaviour in a group of women?

No definitely not normal. Ditch them and find new friends

OP that is not normal and is so mean. You deserve better - can you start a hobby?Being on my own would be better than being with people like that!

These people are not your friends. It’s shit. Step away and don’t let them upset you any more! It’s hard but you will find other friends. I’ve definitely learned over the years that some friends are not friends at all. 💐 x

Definitely ditch OP! I had a group of friend’s similar, ditched them all and haven’t looked back. You really deserve better 💗

I’m not entirely alone. I’ve got my DH and DC, great friends at work, and a very close friend who lives 70 miles away 😝

I just wish I had some women to hang out with and have a laugh. There have been a few occasions actually where a couple of them were quite catty to me and I said nothing. They are very far from perfect themselves!!!!

Oh ditch them. They aren’t friends.

I just kind of feel sad, like there’s something wrong with me and I don’t know how to deal with a lot of women. But then, I get on really well with my work colleagues and in my appraisal my manager said I’m really popular, and respected. Maybe I’ve just stumbled upon a group of alpha women.

Take back the power and phase them out as quickly or slowly as you desire! They sound awful and you deserve better!

They sound more awful than alpha!

That is not anything close to normal. If someone makes you feel horrible and not like yourself, avoid them.

I found a lot of stuff that is going on locally by looking at the local village hall websites and found a bunch of craft groups, art groups, singing groups, even a tea dance group. There are also nature reserves that look for volunteers in the county I live in to do clean up and maintenance, so a group of us get together once a month to do that.

Well they aren’t friends are they? This actually sounds like bullying.
I’d quietly leave this toxic little group , there are nicer people out there.

Drop them. You deserve better.

Ditch them
You deserve better

They're twats,ditch them.

They do it because they can - and because they are bitches
They know you are ‘dependent’ on them and they have the power ( for whatever reason to ) to make you sad etc

People bully what they see as their own inadequacies - you achieve something they can’t and so they bully you ( took me years to understand that )

You don’t need them - don’t give them the pleasure
Find another focus, no need to explain - live your best life and leave them confused

@ChangeyPosty Where are you roughly based OP and how old are you? That might be able for us to give some pointers! 🥰

It's better to have no friends than 'friends' like that.
Walk away.

You will meet other people

Horrible people. How did you even become friends?
If it was a romantic relationship and you were being treated badly and feeling shitty alot of the time, I'm sure you'd break it off!- do the same with these people. They sound dreadful!

You’ve put them on a pedestal by calling them friends. They’re not friends, merely acquaintances. You must walk away. It will feel liberating and powerful.

They are not friends and they don't know how to be friends. They are disgusting. If I were you, I wouldn't say anything to them, but I would just block them. Take the power!

They’re not alpha women, OP, they’re just bitchy and probably quite insecure

100% agree with this. They sound awful @ChangeyPosty and I am so sorry you are being treated like this. I have experienced nastiness like this in the past too, and I just left. As a pp said, take back the power. Drop THEM. And block them too so they can't contact you to find out why you left.

I don't know how people can be so nasty and spiteful tbh. I have never been like this, and never could be. Would rather be on my own with my DH and kids and 2 close friends I have known for 30-40 years, but only see every 2 months or so, than have a crowd of toxic little articles like this in my life!

All the best

Sounds like my group chat! I've recently decided to take a step back and ive muted it and speak when spoken to and I feel much better for it. Its rubbish being left out but it's better than feeling rubbish getting spoken to like crap!

What hobby are you doing?

Definitely ditch and move on. Don’t waste time on people like this.

I'm so sorry this has happened. 100% ditch them. If nothing else, once you ditch them you will have created a space for new, better things to appear.