To think I'm the mum who couldn't organise a piss up in a brewary

[TiddlyToes21]

As the title suggests, I'm a disorganised kind of mum. My children are 22 months and 4.5. Dh works full time and I work part time but my job means I have to do a lot of work from home too (education job). Our home is constantly work in progress and things are everywhere but there never seems to be enough time to get much done. Dc1 has SEN too and has lots of additional needs. We have some family support but this can be inconsistent.

I look at other mums and they seem so chilled and organised in comparison to me. They seem to breeze through motherhood from the outset. I often feel like Julia from Motherland lol! I look at my friends who bring out snacks and picnics for their children, all neatly presented in little pots whilst I pull out random stuff I've grabbed out the cupboard.

One of my friends has a young baby and I've been gobsmacked by her level of organisation and calmness. When I went round last week, the house was immaculate, she had make up on, nails done, dressed beautifully, no baby mess anywhere. They even had a board up in the kitchen with their menu for everyday of the week. I still feel like I'm on survival mode most days with my two!

Over the weekend, we went out for the day and forgot to bring a couple of spare nappies. Dc2 did a poo in the one we did have and we just happened to be I'm the countryside so no immediate shops. I put her in a pair of ds's pants with one of my sanitary towels just to get home in! I doubt my organised friend would ever need to do that! Lol

I know I shouldn't compare but I look at other parents and judge myself harshly, like they're doing a better job than me.

Can anyone normalise my experiences? Would love to hear from anyone else who's a chaotic parent?

'I put her in a pair of ds's pants with one of my sanitary towels just to get home in! I doubt my organised friend would ever need to do that! Lol' 😂 you're fine OP, it'll make a good story when she's older!

Since having DC I veer from periods/days of super organisation to periods of utter chaos. Meh what does it matter really? I always get my children to where they need to be on time, after that it's hit and miss. Don't beat yourself up and try not to compare. If you are going to compare then I suggest comparing yourself to all the fathers you know - I guarantee you are spades ahead of 99.99% of them when it comes to childrearing.

You raise a really interesting perception - for me I'm not organised (in the ways that work in my house) because I want to be/ am a better parent, I do it because I find the mental load of no plan/winging it/different every day overwhelming. My job is different every day and if I also had to spend each day trying to plan and figure out my home life I'd be in meltdown mode. This way my mental load for home is reduced and I can be present and happy and not stressed for family life. I have an ND kid and this also helps him. I also have an other half who is totally bought into this and does his share. There are many Sundays I'd much rather we went to the beach but I know how hard the week will be if we've no shopping or food plan or clean uniforms. I think there's a sense that the organised ones just want to be perfect, when that's not the case for many on this thread who have described how it is a strategy just to help them function.

@TiddlyToes21 , the pants and sanitary towel hack is genius! I would never have thought of that!

Take the small wins 🙂

I'm in conflict with myself as I see 'better' parents as the organised ones and it makes me feel inadequate as that sort of parent fits in better or conforms to more of an ideal somehow.

I think this is your problem. Based on what you've written, you're not disorganised. you just prioritise different things and you and your DC are quite happy with spontaneity and less routine. I think that's fine.

It's only a problem when you expect other people to pick up the slack and/or your DC suffer, which, based on what you're saying, is not the case at all. eg if your DC were the type who needed 12 hours of sleep a night, this sort of spontaneous trip to the beach is a problem. But lots of children (including mine) are quite happy to be flexible like this and going to bed a bit later sometimes does them no harm. Brilliant.

I was a single parent of 2 (aged 3 and 2) and worked fulltime. I had to be organised or it would all have turned into a shit show. I did meal planning. I shopped when they went to see their dad. I kept everything in its place. I was ruthless with junk mail, crap ,saying no to donations of things I had nowhere to put. My children learned to tidy up their stuff, to put their uniform in a pile for the next day, to put their shoes by the door ( not at 3 and 2 obviously). I didn't go to bed unless everything was ready for us to leave at 7.15 the next morning. It was incredibly hard. I have never been so knackered in my life. But it would have been a million times harder to be looking for one shoe, nappy bag etc first thing in the morning. I can't stand mess ( building mess aside). I have a friend who is totally disorganised. She makes her life so hard and she hates it. She's a teacher. I tried to say maybe spend some if the summer holidays batch cooking for the freezer. Maybe sort their rooms. Maybe look out school uniforms and shoes earlier than the day before they go back in September. She may well have ADD.

Can you have ten minutes each morning thinking through what you need for the day ahead? Pack bags beforehand and take spares of everything! Have a diary, just breathe before you walk into a room/class/play date.

It's so difficult to stay on top of everything op.

Yes, genuinely. He gets up at 6 with them cos I'm so tired. He does breakfast and will begin to help them dress. I finish it off. He makes sandwiches for his and DS. I pack the lunch box. He goes to work. I do the school runs and look after them. He comes in and he'll tidy and do childcare whilst I cook for the kids. He does bedtime with the twins, I do childcare and tidy and cook tea. He'll do bedtime with the eldest whilst I chill. Weekends I'm away with work the house is tidier than when I leave. He puts on washing and drying as do I. He's bloody awful at folding and he can't put it away. Does his own Mom's presents and cards.

But he doesn't wake up at every noise and can sleep by literally closing his eyes and rolling over.

This reads like you wish others were less organised rather than that you wish you were more organised!

We are all different and that's on balance a good thing. Relax and enjoy OP.