To think I'm the mum who couldn't organise a piss up in a brewary

[TiddlyToes21]

As the title suggests, I'm a disorganised kind of mum. My children are 22 months and 4.5. Dh works full time and I work part time but my job means I have to do a lot of work from home too (education job). Our home is constantly work in progress and things are everywhere but there never seems to be enough time to get much done. Dc1 has SEN too and has lots of additional needs. We have some family support but this can be inconsistent.

I look at other mums and they seem so chilled and organised in comparison to me. They seem to breeze through motherhood from the outset. I often feel like Julia from Motherland lol! I look at my friends who bring out snacks and picnics for their children, all neatly presented in little pots whilst I pull out random stuff I've grabbed out the cupboard.

One of my friends has a young baby and I've been gobsmacked by her level of organisation and calmness. When I went round last week, the house was immaculate, she had make up on, nails done, dressed beautifully, no baby mess anywhere. They even had a board up in the kitchen with their menu for everyday of the week. I still feel like I'm on survival mode most days with my two!

Over the weekend, we went out for the day and forgot to bring a couple of spare nappies. Dc2 did a poo in the one we did have and we just happened to be I'm the countryside so no immediate shops. I put her in a pair of ds's pants with one of my sanitary towels just to get home in! I doubt my organised friend would ever need to do that! Lol

I know I shouldn't compare but I look at other parents and judge myself harshly, like they're doing a better job than me.

Can anyone normalise my experiences? Would love to hear from anyone else who's a chaotic parent?

Meal planning is always presented as the zenith of organised people, isn't it? When in reality, people meal plan for all sorts of reasons - hate food waste, hate shopping, want to save money, want to spend less time in the shop, and in some cases it's because people can't cook.

For me, I live a 20 min walk or 5 min drive from the shops. I don't want to take the car on tiny journeys because it's so bad for the environment, but equally I don't have time for a 1 hour round trip every time I forget the milk. So it's about accepting that if certain things are important to me, I need to meal plan to make them happen.

You need to decide what's important to you and sod everyone else. Certainly when I first had DS meal planning never even entered the picture because I lived a 3 minute walk from a shop and had a baby who loved napping in a pram.

I agree.

Different people work in different ways. I cannot have clutter and chaos because it fries my brain (ADHD). Therefore I try to have safety mechanisms in place (I am naturally quite forgetful) like nappies and a change of clothes in the car permanently. A multipack of water bottles and crisps/cereal bars in the boot. In summer another bag with towels, spades, picnic blanket etc for impromptu beach stops...in winter swap that for a coat, wellies etc.

Exactly the right number of lunch boxes and water bottles stored in same place, food shopping delivered same day of the week etc. I have to let things develop into a habit or I forget.

Definitely this.
I appear organised because the washing is away and the socks are paired and the drawers are neat with dividers, but this all came about because I was sick of scrabbling to find stuff every day.
Same with packing bags the night before (mine and kids).

We have a shared outlook calendar and as soon as anything comes from school or family or friends in the way of plans, it goes in there (with reminders!)

Also this!
Delivery saver, Tuesday and Saturday because neither of us can bear walking around tesco with kids in tow. Both have the app and add to it through the week.

You sound very resourceful to me! Who's going to survive when Armageddon comes, you or them?

Solidarity here OP. I always think I'm Julia from Motherland too! Often zooming round in a car having forgotten something on the school run whilst my other half is holidaying with the lads in a foreign country or at the gym🙄😂
I only have the one child, and I'm frazzled. My excuse is I don't have much support and do a 60 mile round commute 4 days a week for work.
I've been caught short many a time and always make sure I now have wipes, a drink for DD and a snack with me.
Calendar on the wall. Family whatsapp group to arrange any childcare or pick up times. Do what you can the night before.
We've all had an unexpected poonami situtation where we didn't have any nappies or spare clothes. And don't worry about healthy snacks, whilst it is good to have them , they all end up wanting haribo anyway! You do what you can.
We are all good at different things. I'm sure you have many strengths. It doesn't matter if you're not the most organised as long as your kids are fed and happy.
x

I went to the beach took my son in the sea abs realised I never brought a change of clothes 😄 went to the beach a month later did the exact same 😂😂😂

he had fun anis still alive the car got the deep clean it needed😂
comparison is the thief of joy

Well I’m a slightly chaotic mum, (no pots of snacks/laundry wasn’t always put away/house sprinkles with pritt-stick and glitter..)but actually I think my dc have grown up better for it. I have 4.
They’re independent and remember all their own stuff, they don’t demand snacks between meals, they put away their own laundry and they make their own beds. I don’t think dc need their lives perfectly orchestrated around them. In my case, they’ve thrived with lots of siblings and a bit of mess!

We both work FT, the eldest has additional needs. We both tend to highly distractable procrastination. Our 'highly organised' life is a set of routines that make everything so much easier and that we deliberately prioritise. We have a cleaner once a week and so we have to tidy before she comes. We dedicate 2 hours on Sunday to planning a few meals and doing a big shop for the week. That's the entire 'what will I cook/buy' mental load for the entire week. We wash clothes throughout the week and at the weekend I put on a podcast and sort and put away. We have bought enough uniform items to be able to get through the week with just one or two washes, so no panics. One of us cleans up the kitchen every evening after dinner. I have bought the handy little plastic containers online so we have them to hand for day trips and picnics. We put everything in a shared Google calendar. Rebooking each thing after I do it is the best way for me to keep on top of appointments, if I don't I'll forget to rebook altogether. These are deliberate routines that take stress out of our lives. I always say to people coming back to work after a baby - a good weekend will give you a good week - and that's basically what our routines come down to. If you want to make a change because it's too stressful then you don't have to be a highly organised Mum to do it, just start with a few routines that you prioritise in your day or week.

I'm super organised, I can't function in chaos or relax if I'm stressed. I don't have clutter, I know (roughly) what we are eating, I have lists for works needing to be done. I'm the one who had a printed list of relevant term stuff every august. I think it's because my childhood was so chaotic and out of control that I developed this stuff to regain that control.

I LOVE helping out my more disorganised friends, I offer them the printed term stuff (almost everyone says yes if I say it's ready and who wants a copy). I like to plan because it makes life run smoother. I don't fall apart if it goes wrong, or I can't do it for any reason but life is so much nicer without chaos and stress.

Were you living in an organised house with all meals planned pre children @TiddlyToes21 because if the answer to that is no then you were hardly likely to be more organised with 2 small children . If you were organised pre kids then you know how to do it you just have to revert to that mindset .

Great post.

I’m not naturally organised and find it quite difficult to keep things under control, but doing so is far easier and less stressful than the alternative.

Some easy to do small things that helped me when I had small kids and to this day actually are:
• Batch cooking when dh was home so I had loads of stuff ready to pull out of the fridge/freezer.
• Snacks prepared and all bags (nappy/school/handbag/sports - everything) restocked and packed the night before
• Sort washing and put away washing as soon as it’s dry, even if some goes immediately into an ironing basket. If you can afford it send ironing out.
• Always clean up after dinner so you always start the next day with a clean slate.
• Tidy toys/other stuff away from main living area before bed for the same reason.
• Get up and shower before dh leaves for work if applicable. So much easier than trying to get ready while watching kiddies.

Even if you start with one or two of these things it will make life easier and then you’ll hopefully be able to move on to something else too.

I’ll add some very boring but easy things I do:

• at the start of every month I take down the family calendar (a MUST HAVE) in my house and go through the next month. I have my emails open and jot down every school/brownies/work thing. I write every PE kit day, every evening I have to stay late, packed lunch days, everything! It’s a dull chore but helps so much. I also take some money out of the ATM when I get paid and try to buy something small so I have a stock of £1 coins and 50ps.

• my washing basket is never full. The moment I have a load to do I put it on to wash. Then fold/iron it as soon as it’s dry and put away. Don’t leave basketfuls lying around for ages.

• I keep a 24 pack of bottled water in the boot of my car. This has saved days out so many times! It’s odd how often you need some water when you don’t have any and hot, thirsty children are the worst. Quickly followed by dirty, muddy children, which the water can also help with. I have a packet of baby wipes too although my baby days are long over. When they were smaller I also had snacks and nappies in the boot.

why do kids need snacks that need “preparing” and decanted into pots anyway?!
just give them a bag of crisps or a banana or something

I do a meal plan & shop for it. I'm not super organised but I can't stand the stress of thinking about dinner every day, what we've got, what we need etc. Everyone knows what we're having & anyone can start it.
If you genuinely don't want to be chaotic, it's not a bad place to start.

I’ve also absolutely never subscribed to this idea of ‘oh of course I don’t have time to do basic self care, I just throw on some ripped and dirty mismatched clothing and run out the door with my hair full of porridge.’

😂But true, a few minutes sorting out an outfit the night before, do you honestly not have time for that?

An example is - I bring my lunch to work every day. It's expensive to buy it and the options are not what I really want as largely unhealthy or not good quality. So, every single work day I bring my lunch. And I don't like sandwiches much so often I have a series of pots of stuff - some salad, chopped veg, a bit of quiche, some coleslaw. And when people see it they ooh and ahh and say "ooh aren't you organised" and "I wouldn't have time to do that" as if they are super pressured and busy and I am a lady of leisure - except we have the same job and work the same hours! But while they're spending time every day queueing in the canteen I'm eating my lunch in peace. And actually it didn't take long because needing lunch isn't a surprise so when I shopped I bought a bag of salad, a tub of olives, a quiche, some tomatoes, and moved things from one pot into another the night before. If I was spending ages cooking an elaborate feast I could understand it but I've just opened a pot of hummus and slopped some into a smaller pot!

Pots are a sign of being too cheap to pay for packaged stuff, not organisation to me!

I am disorganised mum, I had 4 then home educated. As my kids have grown and been diagnosed with a variety of issues the penny dropped and I have figured I have some kind of executive disfunction thing going on. Bullet journalling has changed my life. Everything gets written in it and ticked off when it’s done. If it doesn’t get done it’s carried forward to the next day.
We have written reminders everywhere too. Post-its on the front door say things like ‘insulin’ and ‘glasses’. It’s not chic but it works for me.

Like many others here, I am neither strictly in one camp or the other. I have 3 children, no SEN. My youngest is just about to turn 1. Husband and I both work full time, so we have to run a pretty tight ship.

Nonetheless, I too have found myself improvising a nappy once or twice in my life. I've also left a baby in a poo for 35 minutes while I drove home, because I had no choice. No Mum Points for neglectful me.

Sometimes I give my children a bag of monster munch and an apple and call it "lunch". Other days I just totally "whip up" a risotto with 6 different kinds of hidden veg and feel like a goddess. We are none of us just defined by one thing, after all.

My grandmother used to say "if everyone's fed and nobody's dead, today was a good day." Obviously this is a low bar, but who cares? You set your own bar, after all.

Be kinder to yourself. I have a friend that swears by the Organised Mum Method. Personally I think it's money for old rope and I can't believe the author has made millions of dollars reminding people to put the dishwasher on when it's full. But I respect that some people really engage with it and it's really boosted my friend's confidence in "keeping home". Perhaps you could take a look at that. I think there's and audio book.

One more thing, OP - why don't you have a chat with your DC tonight and ask them who they think is the bestest mummy in the whole entire world. The answer will cheer you up and give you some much needed perspective. Nobody else's opinion matters.

I totally agree with this btw. I do not bother with pots but I also do not bother with all these expensive plastic packets of "melty sticks made from pea protein" Ella's kitchen bollocks.

A banana is nature's pot. My kids probably have potassium poisoning though, because my answer to just about everything is "have a banana"

I do not like bananas myself.

Honestly OP I'm like you and I hate myself for it but I don't know how to get out of it.
Take this post. Perfectly sensible. But I live in a bog standard inner estate house and my pushchair has to be collapsed to get in the door so the bag CAN'T just stay on it. So it's moved and then moved again cos it doesn't really have a home.

Then I've gone out and used 6 nappies. I come home and think gosh I should replace those 6 nappies. Then someone cries or poos or screams or the door goes or I need to pee and then... I go out next time and theres not enough nappies.

I appreciate it's a me problem for those saying "just change". I just don't know how to get ahead of myself.

@AtomicBlondeRose

i dunno
I think what you do is time consuming
presumably you have to wash and dry all these pots every night before you can do your decanting?

I know ‘just change’ is a rubbish answer but the only answer is ‘do it differently.’ Keep a big pack of nappies near the door and prioritise putting the nappies in. If someone cries (barring serious emergency) or the door goes then say ‘yes just a minute’ and take three seconds to grab a handful of nappies from the big pack and put them in the bag. Even do it while the child is still in the pushchair. Then it becomes a habit. That’s the only way I can get ahead of myself.

I also wake up earlier than I need to. An extra 40 minutes in the morning makes a huge difference.

@LuckySantangelo35 - but I do washing up every evening anyway? And sloshing a few pots around is a quick job. Then instead of putting them away when they're dry I refill them and put them in the fridge. No lunch springs into being fully-formed without effort. If I went to the canteen, I have to walk over there, choose what I want, queue up, so the time is expended one way or another anyway.

I think others have said the same thing. Do you actually want to be like those other mums? If so there are loads of hints and tips on here and on the internet. If you’re happy as you are then don’t sweat it.

The one thing I will say though is that there is a big difference between a flung together picnic and a slightly messy house and other more important stuff like remembering appointments, school stuff (homework, trips, project stuff, charity days and shows), birthday parties, clubs and sports stuff. When you have more than one child at school this stuff is relentless so it really does make sense to get a system for it.