children and nudity

uhio989 · 2023-05-22T09:34:20+00:00

I have one DS who is 5 and I was wondering what everyone's thoughts are when it comes to nudity. At the moment, I take him to the female changing rooms in a swimming pool if all other cubicles are busy. But not sure how long I can carry on doing this. Similarly, am still totally fine if he comes into the bathroom while am having a shower but again at what age do most people stop doing it? No idea how to navigate this, dont have any brothers and Dh has no recollection about him

UndercoverCop · 22/05/2023 10:37

He's only tiny! I've got to admit I don't think I will tell DS who is around the same age, that is not ok to come in when I shower etc. My guess is sometime around puberty etc he will stop on his own. You birthed him there's nothing inappropriate about him seeing your body!

Nordicrain · 22/05/2023 10:39

I will be naked with my children untill they express (directly or implicitly) that they are not comfortable with it. Same with their nudity. So far they are 9 and 6 and fine with it. Nakedness is, in of itself, nothing to be ashamed of in appropriate contexts.

takealettermsjones · 22/05/2023 10:52

Welcome to Mumsnet OP.

Let's be careful about sharing info/stories about naked children.

AngryAndUnapologetic · 22/05/2023 10:58

I totally agree with @Nordicrain. Whenever they stop coming into the bathroom/bedroom or if they complain about it. My oldest is 8 and showing no signs yet!

In public pools I'm not sure, we don't use them. I'm guessing about 8? Are there rules in your local pool?

My son is only 5 and he often goes to the loo in malls etc alone while I'm in the ladies with my daughters. But he chooses that; he sometimes comes with us.

Some of the weirdest posts I've ever read on here are about people being uncomfortable with men (fathers! Not random men!) being naked around their own children, even when they're tiny. Such a strange thing to be concerned about.

Original poster

uhio989 · 22/05/2023 11:02

I wasnt really asking about children being nude but being around nudity. At the moment, I havent really restricted anything but DS is quite tall for his age so most people assume he's 6 rather than just turned 5. I already thought that in the female changing groups, a few of the mums seemed unhappy that he came in when their duaghters were changing but I literally had no where to take him. Which made me consider whether I'll need to think of something else soon enough

OP posts:

aSofaNearYou · 22/05/2023 11:08

Are there not cubicle changing rooms at your pool? This comes up quite often on MN but I've never actually been to a pool that doesn't have both. I have to admit I would be getting uncomfortable with boys being there above the sort of age he is now, so I do think it's a difficult situation. I assume his dad isn't there to take him into the boys?

Minimochi · 22/05/2023 11:14

DS is six (and tall...could easily be mistaken for 8). We use cubicles at our pool...but there aren't any changing rooms for multiple people anyway. He tends to go to the gent's toilets by himself while I wait outside. That's his choice, though.
I have no issue with him coming into the bathroom while I take a shower and he still showers with either DH or me sometimes.
As long as he's not uncomfortable, it should be fine.

We did go to Legoland the other day, though, and I was astonished at the number of seemingly 9- and 10+-year-olds, who still went into the ladies' toilets with their mums.

Original poster

uhio989 · 22/05/2023 11:31

@aSofaNearYou there are very few cubicles and we always try to get one of those but mostly they are busy. His dad is at work so cant take him. I have tried to change him in the corridor a couple of times but honestly that seems a bit rubbish for him. As he only just turned 5 he is still a bit rubbish with small buttons and I wouldnt even trust him not to run/jumps and slip by himself (has been known to do that quite a few times). So I dont feel like he can go into the mens by himself

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zingally · 22/05/2023 11:34

I'd say you were probably coming to the upper age limit of what is appropriate in public. But at home, it's whatever you, and they, feel comfortable with.

Nordicrain · 22/05/2023 11:35

5 is fine I think. But DS is now just 6 and is uncomfrotable getting changed infront of others (still ok with nudity at home). Again, I would be child led for a while longer if I were you.

Original poster

uhio989 · 22/05/2023 11:35

@zingally does that mean that a 5 year old should go to the gents himself?

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bibbityboppityboo · 22/05/2023 11:35

At home, you do you.

In public - definitely upper limits of what is appropriate imo to be in a public space for women.

Original poster

uhio989 · 22/05/2023 11:39

I guess thats why I asked. I had assumed that being in reception - he is definitely still too young to do stuff by himself (and still not that good at it). So what do other mums do with reception/y1 boys in public?

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IrregularChoiceFan · 22/05/2023 11:39

zingally · 22/05/2023 11:34

I'd say you were probably coming to the upper age limit of what is appropriate in public. But at home, it's whatever you, and they, feel comfortable with.

Really? I'm shocked people thing a just turned 5 year old should be going into the changing rooms on their own!

Original poster

uhio989 · 22/05/2023 11:41

For example, am not comfortable (nor would he be) to say queue for a toilet by himself in a train station. He only just announced today that he could finally do up a button on his school cardigan - his dexterity is really not great.

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PuttingDownRoots · 22/05/2023 11:55

8 is usually the age for pool changing rooms. Remember this is the age that they can make girls uncomfortable. Unfortunately doesn't mean the mens is suitable either, so you might have to chose the pool carefully.

Toilets... if they are young enough to need a parent, they are young enough to be in the parents toilet and properly supervised to make sure they aren't doing any untoward like trying to look under cubicles.

At home... its your house. Its best to teach them to respect others privacy though (like visitors).

Divebar2021 · 22/05/2023 11:58

My pool has mixed changing rooms but that comes with lots of cubicles so I don’t have this issue now. We did used to use the group changing room when DD was younger and needed more help. It is possible to get changed without being naked though that’s a bit of a faff sometimes. I would pay attention that he’s not staring at other kids… that’s something I’ve noticed from my time in the group changing areas of the pool. Little kids stare naturally but it’s frustrating if parents don’t pick up on it and direct them elsewhere. I wouldn’t expect a 5 year old to go into the men’s changing room on his own… maybe not til he’s about 7 or 8.

moomoolander · 22/05/2023 11:59

I'll be keeping my kids changing with me for as long as possible. I would never dream of letting them go off and change by themselves, at least under the age of 10.

But that's just me.

SavvyWavvy · 22/05/2023 12:01

Most swimming pool changing rooms say no boys in the female changing rooms after age 8. As an adult it doesn’t bother me having boys up to age 8 seeing me get changed (our local pool has communal changing rooms with only 3x cubicles which no one really uses). However, my daughter is starting to show signs of being uncomfortable changing in front of these boys. She is 6 years old and these are often older boys from school. For that reason I think parents should always try to use cubicles with their male children rather than female communal changing areas. It’s no different from the argument we often see on mumsnet about kids being asked to get changed for PE in their classrooms which most parents seem to object to for reasons of privacy.

SavvyWavvy · 22/05/2023 12:02

moomoolander · 22/05/2023 11:59

I'll be keeping my kids changing with me for as long as possible. I would never dream of letting them go off and change by themselves, at least under the age of 10.

But that's just me.

This wouldn’t be allowed in almost all public swimming pools Where there is an upper age limit of 8.

twixwrapper · 22/05/2023 12:03

Having been to Center Parcs I was surprised at the number of young children totally stripped off the have naked showers at the entrance to the pool where 100s of people are walking past.
I wouldn't be comfortable doing that with my child and at that age they're not exactly able to give consent to be naked in front of the general public. The kids were 2-6 years old I'd say.
They have shower cubicles if you want a proper wash after the pool.

moomoolander · 22/05/2023 12:04

@SavvyWavvy

Happy to get changed as a family in the disabled toilets or communal changing area. There's always a way around it.

peachicecream · 22/05/2023 12:15

Stop doing it at home whenever one or the other of you feels uncomfortable. He will tell you at some point or just naturally stop coming in, so don't worry too much. If it feels fine for both of you then it's fine.

With changing rooms, there are so many different views on it that I think you just have to not worry too much about other peoples judgment. It's a heated topic and there will always be someone who disagrees with whatever you do, so basically ignore other people and do what feels right for you.

Obviously you follow any official guidance given by the venue you are in. But if there is no guidance then you just wait until whenever you feel he's old enough/ mature enough to cope on his own.

CurlewKate · 22/05/2023 12:24

Publicly-the convention, and in some places the rule, is 8. At home, all families have different conventions.

pontipinemum · 22/05/2023 12:26

SavvyWavvy · 22/05/2023 12:01

Most swimming pool changing rooms say no boys in the female changing rooms after age 8. As an adult it doesn’t bother me having boys up to age 8 seeing me get changed (our local pool has communal changing rooms with only 3x cubicles which no one really uses). However, my daughter is starting to show signs of being uncomfortable changing in front of these boys. She is 6 years old and these are often older boys from school. For that reason I think parents should always try to use cubicles with their male children rather than female communal changing areas. It’s no different from the argument we often see on mumsnet about kids being asked to get changed for PE in their classrooms which most parents seem to object to for reasons of privacy.

That is a very important point. As an adult I wouldn't be bothered about a boy of up to about 10 being in there. But little girls understandably would not feel the same. My ds is only a baby so we are a long way off this issue but I will remember this for when he's older.

I don't think I would be letting into the men's alone until he is 7ish, 5 seems very young.