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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To ask why so many child-free people are on Mumsnet?

386 replies

DarlingClementine85 · 21/05/2023 23:26

I already know this is going to be divisive and I'm hesitating before I even type this. I don't mean this in a snarky or judgemental way at all. It's just a straightforward question that I've been pondering. It seems there's a lot of posters on here who are child-free by choice (I'm not talking about people dealing with infertility who would dearly love to be parents). And I was wondering why, as this is predominantly a forum for getting or giving parental advice? For questions about trying to understand their friends with kids, I absolutely get it. But I see plenty of threads about various parenting issues and there's always people saying things like "I don't have kids, but..."

TIA for not taking offence!!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
AnarchoTyrannosaurus · 22/05/2023 07:21

There's clearly lots of different people here op. Including lots of angry intolerant people who don't practice what they preach. This is the environment where they really excell in what they do best, hidden behind their screen.

Welcome to MN.

CrunchyCarrot · 22/05/2023 07:24

Other topics have drawn some of us here. For me it began with the Prepping for Brexit thing - I wanted to start prepping but had no idea, and Mumsnet came up when I googled as having threads on the subject. I ended up staying long past Brexit!

IrritableVowel · 22/05/2023 07:36

Jeezuswept · 22/05/2023 07:11

But I see plenty of threads about various parenting issues and there's always people saying things like "I don't have kids, but..."

Can you link to these threads, OP?

Because I've been here quite a while and I've never seen a poster deliberately criticise a parent only to preface it with 'I don't have kids.'.

As you've seen, most of the childfree and childless posters actually don't bother with the parenting threads.

Same here. Can't say I have noticed any child-free posters ploughing through a parenting thread with their opinions, and I have been here a long time. It is a shame the OP has stumbled across so many that she has formed such a negative view of us.

Ignoring my snarky reply above, I don't have kids. But I have been one. And I have had difficult times with my parents. So occasionally if a poster asks about something their teens are experiencing, I can remember what I did and how I got through it. And I reply. I don't claim to be an expert, but I don't see how my opinion or experience is less valid than someone with a baby, who never went through XYZ. But apparently it is, by virtue of them being a parent

Usually I don't care about posts like this, it is often an innocent (if not well thought) question, but it does piss me off that people can't fathom that adults without kids still have some experience and opinions of being a kid, a childhood, a teenage life, having parents...

SargentSagittarius · 22/05/2023 07:41

As you've seen, most of the childfree and childless posters actually don't bother with the parenting threads.

Most of the parents don’t bother with the parenting threads!

FrostyFifi · 22/05/2023 07:45

Oh yay, the weekly childfree people on MN post 🙄

Jeezuswept · 22/05/2023 07:48

SargentSagittarius · 22/05/2023 07:41

As you've seen, most of the childfree and childless posters actually don't bother with the parenting threads.

Most of the parents don’t bother with the parenting threads!

😂 absolutely!!

Parking threads far more entertaining...

coronation2023 · 22/05/2023 07:49

I feel the Op must be rather dull to post such a boring question

Or can only parents have opinions

coronation2023 · 22/05/2023 07:51

@chickawhoo

Just saw your particularly tedious post as well

I can't imagine are that intelligent to describe child free posters as weird

You seem rather insufferable and smug to be honest

Even the way you described the post you wrote is ghastly

Vintagefloof · 22/05/2023 07:51

I don’t have children and for a long time wouldn’t have thought about joining Mumsnet because of it, as I assumed it was all about parenting…but then my mother died a few months ago and when googling bereavement advice, Mumsnet posts were always the most helpful results, so I ended up here and discovered that there are many, many posts which have nothing to do with parenting.

I don’t tend to comment on things about parenting, but as someone who is undecided about whether to have children, it is interesting to read them to get an insight into what being a mother is like for real women these days.

iloveeverykindofcat · 22/05/2023 07:51

Mum said it's my turn to post this thread next

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 22/05/2023 07:53

Well I'm glad there are, it would be pretty boring if that was the criteria for being able to post comments! 🤨😖😴 because you know, you can only comment on clothes, parking, neighbours, jobs, books etc if you've had a child ... 🙄 😳 Embarrassed for you OP!

Yuasa · 22/05/2023 07:54

There is something really messed up about joining a forum for a group of people you don’t belong to, or want to belong to, and then slagging that group of people off while you are there. It is typical of a female led service to just self-abnegatingly put up with that kind of shit in order to be welcoming to everyone.

This - and the op’s agreement with it - is what irritated me. Quite clearly states childfree women are outside the group that belong here and goes on to suggest that the group who do belong are going above and beyond by tolerating their presence. And, you know, perhaps shouldn’t if they step outside what they are permitted to talk about.

That’s before we get to the fact most of us are unfamiliar with the ‘really messed up’ behaviour described.

Original poster
DarlingClementine85 · 22/05/2023 07:56

CabbagePatchDole · 22/05/2023 03:05

Unhinged? To say that the child free are allowed to function? What is your problem?

Show quote history

No, obviously that's not what I'm referring to, come on now! I'm referring to "Silly little cow. Idiots like you really shouldn't breed". Can you imagine someone shouting that at you in the street and not thinking they were a little unhinged? It's a HUGE overreaction to my initial question, which if you read in the neutral way it was intended, you would see 😬

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 22/05/2023 07:56

DarlingClementine85 · 21/05/2023 23:26

I already know this is going to be divisive and I'm hesitating before I even type this. I don't mean this in a snarky or judgemental way at all. It's just a straightforward question that I've been pondering. It seems there's a lot of posters on here who are child-free by choice (I'm not talking about people dealing with infertility who would dearly love to be parents). And I was wondering why, as this is predominantly a forum for getting or giving parental advice? For questions about trying to understand their friends with kids, I absolutely get it. But I see plenty of threads about various parenting issues and there's always people saying things like "I don't have kids, but..."

TIA for not taking offence!!

I hide all the parent and child boards as I am not interested in them. My question to you is why do parents keep posting in AiBu and other places than they already have designated?

Isthisexpected · 22/05/2023 07:56

The logo above the OP literally says " by parents for parents"

Jeezuswept · 22/05/2023 08:04

DarlingClementine85 · 22/05/2023 07:56

No, obviously that's not what I'm referring to, come on now! I'm referring to "Silly little cow. Idiots like you really shouldn't breed". Can you imagine someone shouting that at you in the street and not thinking they were a little unhinged? It's a HUGE overreaction to my initial question, which if you read in the neutral way it was intended, you would see 😬

Show quote history

It's not a neutral question though, is it?

It's loaded with judgement and your fake confusion isn't fooling anyone.

You even clarified what you really meant was 'why are non parents criticising parents?' but that's never been my experience.

You've offended several posters and tried to 'other' a group of women (and men), that's not on.

Tiredalwaystired · 22/05/2023 08:14

Ignore those that say “here we go again”. Some people forget that they were new here once too. And surprise surprise, I bet they didnt know there were “a million and one threads like this before” when they joined either.

it’s a valid question given the website name. Some people have been polite enough to share their answer in a straightforward way without trying to somehow make you feel like a fool.

the others are dicks.

Daisrose · 22/05/2023 08:18

Couldn’t have children and wasn’t particularly offended but some of your replies op, wow - talk about divisive

PixieLaLa · 22/05/2023 08:18

You do realise being ‘child free by choice’ doesn’t take away the ability to read about a situation and give advice or an opinion? Not birthing a child doesn’t mean you don’t have experience in dealing with kids, nieces/nephews, step kids, teaching etc.

Also you have posted in AIBU so don’t be surprised when you get told yes you are being unreasonable (which you are).

Daisrose · 22/05/2023 08:22

Do you also realise op, that the entire world is driven by pronatalism - so you’re essentially claiming yet another place where women are divided by the their ability to have children. Some people who are child free by choice made that decision due to trauma - not because they hate all little people and their families as you seem to think

Bargellobitch · 22/05/2023 08:25

NewPinkJacket · 21/05/2023 23:37

Lol it's not divisive, just very repetitive.

This 😂

BenCoopersSupportWren · 22/05/2023 08:26

ShandaLear · 22/05/2023 06:26

Parts of it are about parenting, and some men post on here, but mostly it’s a diary of what it means to be a woman in the 21st century. We discuss our problems, ideas and views. We give and seek advice. We laugh, and sometimes cry. We range widely in our thinking, backgrounds, and approaches to life, and that makes the discussions rich and varied. I read posts ranging from higher education, feminism and books, right through to nice handbags and what lipstick to wear to a wedding - and all are interesting to me, and very little of it is about my kids. It’s likely called Mumsnet because it has its roots in being a space to give and receive parenting advice, but the name no longer accurately reflects what it is and does. Overall, it’s a force for good and has supported many women to set boundaries and leave relationships that make them unhappy, as well as get legal and employment advice.

This is a great post.

I’m CFBC. I came for the feminism and stayed for the…umm, feminism.

IME it’s other parents who are most judgemental about parents anyway. I’ve seen a lot more unspoken (and sometimes more overt) “of course my little darlings would never dream of behaving like that because I brought them up properly” type comments than I ever have “childfree but you’re parenting wrong” ones.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 22/05/2023 08:36

Tiredalwaystired · 22/05/2023 08:14

Ignore those that say “here we go again”. Some people forget that they were new here once too. And surprise surprise, I bet they didnt know there were “a million and one threads like this before” when they joined either.

it’s a valid question given the website name. Some people have been polite enough to share their answer in a straightforward way without trying to somehow make you feel like a fool.

the others are dicks.

Why not feel like a fool? You only need to peruse the site for a few moments to see its not all about parenting, and momentarily engage your brain to think maybe that's what it originally was and it changed, expanded, evolved Hmm

Usetherightgearforthehill · 22/05/2023 08:40

DarlingClementine85 · 22/05/2023 00:44

Thank you for your genuinely lovely reply, it's restored my faith in this community. There really are a lot of surprisingly angry people on here.

Show quote history

Are you really suprised that people are angry when you make divisive comments? Because for a lot of us your thread is the kind of thing that destroys our faith in this community not restores it.

I spend a lot of time in my life both on here and through my work trying to make life/work better for mothers. I've campaigned for it, I speak out about it a lot.

I've helped mothers out of abusive relationships and made sure their children are safe.

But apparently I'm still not good enough to talk to mothers.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 22/05/2023 08:53

Literally 30 seconds of researching the site would show you it's not predominantly a forum for getting or giving parental advice any more. It's much more diverse than that.

Regardless of the subject matter, we shouldn't exclude non-parents from having an opinion. They may have contact with children in many different ways (nanny, childminder, nursery worker, aunt/uncle, babysitter...) and are entitled to present an opinion of their own, even if other posters don't agree with it.