To ask why so many child-free people are on Mumsnet?

[DarlingClementine85]

I already know this is going to be divisive and I'm hesitating before I even type this. I don't mean this in a snarky or judgemental way at all. It's just a straightforward question that I've been pondering. It seems there's a lot of posters on here who are child-free by choice (I'm not talking about people dealing with infertility who would dearly love to be parents). And I was wondering why, as this is predominantly a forum for getting or giving parental advice? For questions about trying to understand their friends with kids, I absolutely get it. But I see plenty of threads about various parenting issues and there's always people saying things like "I don't have kids, but..."

TIA for not taking offence!!

No, it's a dismissive remark implying that's the only difference between a parent and non parent.

Nobody's asking for an ode to anything, you're being obtuse on purpose.
The phrase is not required at all,is the point. "Birthed a child" instantly pinpoints it all on that one action rather than any grasp of what being a parent actually means. And nobody expects someone who is not parenting to understand that, that would be equally ridiculous.
But the phrase is regularly tossed around by many CFBC when trying to belittle anyone who doesn't show excitement over their choice.
Be on a mum forum all you wish, that is your prerogative. But don't presume to tell parents that it's fine being reduced to no more than giving birth.

@chickawhoo It’s my comment you’re taking issue with. A comment where I also referred to my own mum as abusive. Believe you me, I understand that being a good parent is far more than just giving birth to a baby.

My point was that this thread makes it clear that for some on MN, only the act of having had a baby makes it OK for you to comment on the range of sub-forums that have nothing to do with parenting, and where experience of parenting is therefore totally irrelevant.

You don’t need to have been a parent to counsel a person whose teenage daughter is in tremendous pain. I didn’t need to be a parent to do that, and yet many on this thread feel that I shouldn’t be commenting on fucking parking threads because I’ve no experience of childrearing.

Maybe it’s a lazy shorthand and what you’d have preferred was me saying that my opinion is irrelevant because I haven’t birthed a child and then sacrificed decades of my life to the selfless and noble art of raising that child.

But my view is that parenting status is irrelevant to many MN forums to begin with, so how it’s described is even more bloody irrelevant.

I'm just looking to see who leaves their kids unattended and I'm going to get myself two that way!!!!

The only alternative female dominated form is tattle and that appears more gossipy than her.

There's lots topics of where it makes no difference of you have children or not - relationships, aibu, fashion etc.

I've also enjoy reading threads from a mother's perspective too - before this site I would have always given friends a lot time & space after childbirth thinking it was a family time & I would only be in the way but A lot of posters here would say that that reduces after the first month and that they would enjoy a catch up rather than a call or a text, or even offering to do some washing while mum and baby sleep or dropping off some cooked meals etc would be nice. I think I'm a more supportive friend to my friends as a result. Remembering the child's birthday, sending cards etc. Might sound stupid but a lot of that wouldn't occur to me.

I also manage a team at work and the return to work posts and how to be a more supportive boss are helpful too.

Just because we don't have children doesn't mean we aren't interested in those who do.

Because I feel like it is why OP.

I don't think people are reducing it to that at all, I think you're being overly sensitive tbh! And in context it's probably an appropriate response if someone is being a dick.

Also we would be poor role models to our children if we can't be inclusive to all people. How would we feel if our children were treated the same way, quite devastated I would think. Mothers all have a shared experience but we are not better than those who have not children, nor are we wiser so I'd welcome others opinions on everything personally

It's rediculous to me to be on a website that is called MUMSnet when you arent a mum. Even when you are a dad I find it beyond weird.

They should change the freaking name already.

It's like id i would go on the black mumsnet sub section and start posting there. Eventhough im not black

Just doesn't make any sense.

They’re not going to change the name - the brand is too well known.

And they know full well that the name doesn’t stop anyone from joining in, rediculous (sic) or not.

@SparklyBlackKitten

Why do you always chat such shit ?

This always makes me laugh. It’s a discussion forum. Most things have been discussed before. And they’ll be discussed again. If we applied this rule to real life, we’d all have one or two conversations a month.

I didn't throw it around because I want someone to "show excitement over my choice", I said it because there is a section of women having to justify posting on an internet forum. Can't you see how downright bizarre that is? Why the gatekeeping of chat and advice about non parenting topics?

@chickawhoo You don't get to police other people's language, they are not here with your permission.

I’m not a mum but I do have a mum and she’s fairly batshit, so I’m trying to understand her better.

😂 dumbest post winner right here.

I've said this before, but I've often wondered if we should ask MNHQ for a 'childfree Mumsnetters' board'.

dumbest post winner right here

I mean how on earth can someone who hasn't given birth be remotely interested in tv, music, news, relationships, gossip, clothing, travel, health issues, feminism, penis beakers, parking disputes or screaming in the sistine chapel?
That just doesn't make sense. Does. Not. Compute.

I think this idea. @LilyMumsnet , is this something that can be looked at?

Keep us away from the general population 😂

Black Mumsnetters is a sub forum. Not the same at all.

If that were created some posters would think we should stay in it and not dare to post in any of the other sub forums at all.

I'm a non mum mumsnetter. It's really easy to avoid any parenting stuff.

I've attached a beautifully coloured screenshot of the current active feed to show how much of mumsnet is not about children.
green is things that i would consider going on, usually nothing to do with children and It might be interesting to me as a non parent.
Pink is about children and I'd avoid but there's actually very little of that.

Orange is somewhere in between. It might be about children but I might have valid input eg. I don't need to have had children to tell you on a name thread that yes felix does automatically bring up images of a cat .

I think about it like I'm chatting with a friend. TV shows, husbands being useless etc then I can probably properly engage, support with lactation probably not.

However theres a big bit in-between where I can support even if I don't "get" the whole thing eg I've been up all night with the baby and now me and the husband are falling apart, my mil doesn't respect my parenting. Subjects like education interest me due to my background so I might pop up on education threads (eg talking about university process etc). If someone is invested in nutrition for example they might pop up on the weaning threads with food ideas even if they aren't a mum

So much of mumsnet is about life as a woman who happens to be a mum, rather than specific parenting dilemmas.

Probably but it could be a useful way of showing that we are a valued part of the community with our own place (like grandparents, fathers, step-parents etc) but also a space where we can hopefully post about being child free or childless be free of some of the inane "you've never known love until you have a baby" / "who will look after you when you are old" / "have you thought about adoption" bollocks.

I* *dunno, I think it almost caters to the people who start threads like this or believe we shouldn't be posting on AIBU/fashion/TV/parking threads because we don't have kids. I think there'd be an even worse expectation than there is now that we "stay in our lane", despite AIBU/fashion/TV/parking threads having bugger all to do with having kids in most cases. I think there'd be a lot of pressure to "go back to the childless forum where you belong".

I don't know what the answer, to be fair.

@Trinityloop That's fantastic - love it. It really demonstrates what MN is about these days.

I'm not a mum, but there's plenty here for me.

This is more a site for women than 'women who've had babies'.

Only every week. Can you not see that there are many many topics that are nothing to do with parenting? On the flip side, I am 53 and fairly new too and so I have never read anything in the pregnancy section, but I can see it right there. Funny you cannot see anything but parenting. 🙄